I still love her...what can I do?

[LostNLuv]

This is going to be a long one, but I'll try to keep it short. I am a 22 year old guy. My ex-girlfriend of 9 months recently broke up with me. She is 33 divorced and has two children ages 16 (a girl) and 5 (a boy). We met at a club and really hit it off right away. She is very beautiful and really nice. After dating for about 3 weeks, she asked me to move in with her. I needed a place to stay, and it would've been cheaper than getting my own place, so I said sure.

 

When I moved in, she had no furniture, dishes, beds, nothing. She slept on a mattress in her room, and her kids slept on mattresses in the second room. I felt really sorry for all of them, so I opened a credit account under my name at a furniture store and bought everyone brand new furniture. She doesn't have very good credit. I got a living room set, dining room set, new beds, everything. I even bought a big screen TV, DVD player and stereo. I really wanted our place to feel like home.

 

After about two months of living together, we started talking about getting married. I told her I wanted to adopt her kids as my own, because both their fathers are in jail for selling drugs and stuff, and I wanted to help her raise them. I know...you say I'm too young, but I've had a lot of experience. My dad left us when I was young, and I had to help my Mom raise my brother and sister. So I know I could've totally done it!

 

At about the same time, her car broke down. We traded in my car for a new SUV for the family. The car is used, but we were able to put it in both our names despite her bad credit. I have really good credit, so they said it wouldn't be a problem.

 

Things were going great. We were living like we were married, doing things as a family. Life was good. Then, about a month ago, she got fired from her job as a receptionist. I asked her what happened and she said that her boss had it out for her and fired her for the first reason she could.

 

I started working extra shifts at the warehouse I work at. We are open 24 hours a day, so getting extra work was easy. My girlfriend was looking for a job, but couldn't find one she liked. I told her she could stay at home and take her time to find the right job. I put her name on my bank account, and opened a new credit card for both of us with our names on them. That way she could pay bills and get gas, groceries, whatever.

 

Then, about two weeks ago, I came home from work and she told me she wanted me to move out! She said she wasn't in love with me anymore, and wanted to break up. I was devestated! I couldn't believe it! I love this woman so much! We are a family! Even her little boy started to finally call me daddy. I don't know what to do!

 

I found out from her daughter that she is seeing some new guy already and that she had him move in! It's only been two weeks! We barely broke up and already she has someone new living in our place! Last night, I got served with a restraining order against me. She told the police I hit her and threatened her new man.

 

Also, when I moved out, I told her she could keep the furniture for me until I found a new place because I didn't want to pay for storage. Also, she took the car, saying that she needs it to get to work and take her kids to school. I told her that I would pay for the car because she can't afford it. Also, since I moved back in with my mom, I told her I'd help her pay her rent.

 

I know you all must think I'm crazy, but I love this woman and her kids! I don't want anything to happen to them. I feel really connected to her son...my son now...and I want to provide for him and his sister.

 

Am I crazy? I kept her name on my account so she can still pay her bills. I let her keep the credit card and the car and furniture. I don't want to take from the woman I love! I'm hurting so bad right now, I just hope that by still supporting her, she'll realize how much I love her, and end it with this new guy so we can be a family again. She told me she is having a tough time right now and wants me to leave her alone. THat's why she got the restraining order. She doesn't want me to bother her until she can get straightened out again, and said the restraining order is just to keep me from getting hurt.

 

I still love her and I know if I hold out long enough, she'll take me back! Any advice for a guy who's lost in love? I'd appreciate it!

[idontgetit]

dear lost,

 

this is going to be harsh, and i apologize. let me start by saying you sound like a fabulous guy and a great catch. it's very rare nowadays to find someone so caring, dependable, and responsible...even with men twice your age. that said....this woman sees all of this and is using it to her full advantage. she will be living off you until you're mired in debt up to your eyeballs. if she already has a new man living there, let him pay for her stuff and the house. take her name off your account immediately or risk having her drain it to zero and bounce checks which YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR.... don't get yourself stuck at such a young age or you'll be paying for it for years. get your stuff out of her house if you paid for it. pay for the storage. it's likely she'll run off with it. as for the car, i don't know what to tell you on that, but see if SOMEHOW you can get your name off of it. i'm sorry to tell you this, but she played you completely. it's not easy to say, and i'm sure it's 10x as hard to hear. you see the type of men she's been involved with in the past..

 

SHE WON'T REALIZE AND SHE WON'T SAY OH HE'S SUCH A NICE GUY....SHE'S ALONG FOR THE RIDE. kick her off of it.

[Smusher]

you have deluded yourself, and overextended yourself. I would cut her off imediatley, take her to court and show no mercy. she has taken you for a ride. what would you want a person who is so needy for? save yourself if you still can, but by the sounds of it you have really made things hard on yourself. Believe me I have extensive experience in this field and man you are in trouble

[LostNLuv]

Thank you all for your advice. I see where you are coming from. I think I'm going to go over there tonight and talk to her and her new boyfriend. I need to know a few things before I can act.

[JohnnyTable]

I agree with the others. You must save yourself, your credit, and your sanity.

 

Get your stuff back. DO IT TOMORROW if you can. Get the storage and just pay for it. Most storage places are month to month so there is not a huge risk there. Get the car back and get her name off of it. Take her to court. Do whatever it takes. Spending some money now to save yourself later is always worth it.

 

This woman is bad news. The other guy is crazy too, seeing what she is doing to you, she will likely do to him.

 

I gurantee that after getting all of your stuff back from her, cutting all of your connections, and taking some time, you will see that it was not a good situation. I know that you love her now, but things will fall into place once you gain some clarity.

 

Of course these are just words until you actually see it for yourself. I gained a LOT of clarify after being away from my ex, but it was a different set of circumstances than yours for sure!

[LostNLuv]

Hey guys. Thanks for the great advice. I wish I had followed it. I just got released from JAIL this morning because I went over there the other night to ask her once and for all if it was over. She came out to talk to me, and when she told me it was over, I was like, "Fine. But I need all my stuff back." She started yelling at me and her BIG boyfriend came out and kicked my butt! While I was being beat up, she called the cops and said that I was in violation of the restraining order against me!

 

The cops arrested me for the restraining order and for ASSAULT on the boyfriend!!! He beat ME up and I got arrested!! This guy is like three times my size and was claiming "self defense!"

 

Any advice on what I should do NOW? Has anyone ever been arrested? I don't think I can afford a good lawyer. The police filed a FELONY against me because they said that I went over there with the intention of assaulting my ex girlfriend...again. I never assaulted her in the first place! She lied!!

 

I'm going to jail for a long time I think...Please help!

[JohnnyTable]

I think that your problems are now beyond the scope of this forum You now have a legal issue, not a love issue.

 

I recommend a lawyer.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation!