I can sense a liar with my gut! He's a serial white liar, I think?

[lifeisaparadox]

Sooo I was always that type of person who could sense lies with her gut. Like whenever a friend lied, I'd always find out the truth and all along I'd have this doubtful feeling that they were telling the truth. Or if someone lied about what happened in their life, I'd always be a little doubtful and eventually find that their story is inconsistent so they're probably lying. I guess this isn't a special trait to have, but I never "accused" people of lying and usually when I did, I was right.

 

Well, I kind of feel like my boyfriend's a white liar. And the thing is, this is all gut feeling and about SMALL things. Not big things such as he's hanging out with his best guy friend but in reality he's hanging out with a girl. No, I trust him on that.

 

But small things such as, "sorry I'm late for picking you up because of ______" (usually I find out he's lying/made up an excuse) or "yeah I sent the package to you already." (but then why did it take 3-4 weeks to arrive when it should've taken 1 or 2 MAX?). I found out for the package one, he did in fact lie to me but only after I asked him why it took so long (he initially said it must've been the post office's fault or sent to wrong address but I kept saying that doesn't make sense and eventually told me he lied). There were some more but I can't recall them currently, but they were still small little lies that I could easily forget about.

 

The thing is, I know these are small little lies and generally do no harm. He's not cheating on me, after all, but I don't like the idea that I have a boyfriend who lies at all or one who makes up excuses to cover up for his petty mistakes. It bugs me. Some lies I can't prove so I keep it to myself, because I found with some lies he denies it first then after I give evidence he apologizes and says he did lie.

 

These lies are small, but should I be concerned? When I confronted him today about a recent lie I think he told, he yelled at me for always assuming he's lying. So perhaps he wasn't lying this time, who knows? Maybe my gut was wrong? I'm becoming more and more confused!

[OracleofDoom]

All relationships have trust as their base. There is no such thing as part-time integrity. One lie is one too many. Perhaps he feels inferior to you in some way? Anyway you can't have a real relationship with a liar.

[pumpkin43]

When my ex-boyfriend used to lie and I knew it because he would look up towards the ceiling. It was very bizarre but I heard before that people look up or away and now I truly believe when he did do that it was nothing but lies coming out of his mouth. Very sad.

[lifeisaparadox]

OracleofDoom,

if it helps he does tell me he is very insecure about himself because he feels inferior to me and my friends (he thinks we're all very successful and feels he is bland compared to us?? I dont know why). I try my best to be very encouraging, to make him happy, to make him feel secure so he'll stop putting himself down. I feel like some of his lies kind of cover up his bad traits such as his procrastination (that whole package thing was a mess because it was an emergency and he put it off for almost a month despite my urgency!). However, is that an understandable excuse to lie?

 

pumpkin43,

That's a good red flag to see if they're lying!

[OracleofDoom]

Well he's got some issues...its up to you if you want ot put up with it until he works them out/grows up;but be warned he may never...alot of times procrastination comes from depression/insecurity...but at some point he's got to face his demons...ironically all his insecurity/inferiority would go away if he simply had the courage to accept himself as is right now, but thats easier said than done.

[GreenCupcake]

If he lied about why the package he sent was late, and lied about other unnecessary things, then that sends up major red flags in my opinion. You have your gut feeling, but my gut feeling also tells me that he has told you bigger lies and you just haven't caught on yet.

 

I remember feeling the same exact way that you did. The more you confront him, the more he's going to try and be smarter about covering up his tracks. He's already accused you of overreacting. Hint hint. He doesn't like the fact that you're catching on. Oh, and my ex also told me how he pretty much felt inferior to me, etc., etc. Nothing but excuses to get away with their behavior.

 

Be prepared for the blame game and the guilt trips that he's going to toss your way if this continues.

 

The fact that you're confused is the most obvious sign that he's not being as honest as he makes himself out to be. You like this guy, but don't let your emotions cloud up your judgement. Try to be realistic.

[RedDress]

I dunno... I think that's the most convenient lie of all! Throw you a compliment (so you want to believe it). Yes, dear... I feel inferior to you. Pity me.

 

The package thing? Maaaaaaybe that flies if he told the lie at the end of the whole thing about sending it a month ago. But if he said "No - it's in the mail" and it clearly was not before you were even questionning the length of time it took to get there... well... that's not an inferiority complex. The papers (or whatever) are sitting in his house, for example, while he's telling you they are in the mail. That doesn't say "I feel inferior"...

 

I agree with GreenCupcake. I think if he's lying about the small things, he probably is also lying to you about the big things... he's just hidden it better.

 

The smaller lies actually make me more nervous than the big lies. At least with the big lies, I can usually see why they would do it (they think I will be mad, they will get in trouble of sorts, huge shame, etc). If they are lying about what they had for lunch? (I had an ex who did that...) - they will lie about anything and everything. You can count on it.

[JA0371]

Omg......this drives me bonkers. White lies are LIES..period. And yes..the smaller the lie the more I DON'T trust the person who told it. It's about integrity. Say what you mean.. And mean what you say. It's simple really.

 

And your boyfriend getting angry about you questioning him is a red flag too. People who tell the truth don't need to protest.