can you be in love but it be the wrong timing?

[charlotte_skye]

Love is all so confusing, its hard to move on when you dont fully understand what happened in the last relationship especially if you were never given closure at all! what is with that anyways, why do people not give closure? is it because they dont wnat you to move on???

anyways I have quite along story , many of yuo may relate to. When i was 19 i met this amazing guy almost by fate, we had kept in touch via emails but never met as I lived in usa and he in ireland. I was to move to ireland the next year and coincidentally we met!!! we started seeing each other though he warned me he could never get too close simce he was hurt by his last girlfriend some years ago not unless it was for sure and it would work out and i was a traveller whos visa was soon to run out.

He never told me he loved me but when he showed it he really showed it and when i got tired of waiting for him to be sure if he could really try he would chase after me sayin i didnt know how much he cared how much he thought about me etc and how if he could he would be with me and it was just the wrong timimng, he needed to sort his head out etc first. anyways i left before that after way too much stress and he went on medication for stress also, he started seeing someone else though he said he still had feelings for me and still hoped we would work out in the end. i wasnt gong to wait for that though and tried to forget about him but i couldnt, we eventually got back in touch but now hes still with her and still says he fantasies about me and he wouldnt see me again cos he knew he would come onto me , i wasnt sure if that was an exscuse, he said he was just worried about it. anyways we still keep in touch even 2 yrs later and he still says he fantasises about me even though he says he loves his girlfriend, but im over him. sometimes though i wonder if he did love me and if you can be in love but not do anything about it cos its not the right time, something as simple as that. i always believed if you loved someone you would give up anytning and just do it. my friends think i was the one who got away for hm as he still says he fantasises etc and wants things to remind him of me , him sayin these things was hard as it never gave me closure.

anyways i promised myself after so long of heartache and pain not to ever get involved with anyone but the best, soeone who wouldnt hurt me like that who didnt have emotional hang ups, and i me this person and he loves me so much. the thing is im sure im falling in love with him, we have only been together 6 mnths slightly on and off but i have to leave to study abroad for 8mnths and i feel like im scared to hurt him or him hurt me but do i love him but if im willing to still go overseas and not give up my dreams of living my life before getting involved again does it mean im not in love with him? just cos im not willing to not go abroad because im not ready to!!!! but is that normal???can i be in love and just not be ready ...can yo be in love with someone and not follow it hrough just because the timimng isnt right ?????

its ironic how the situation you were in in a past relationship was the other person being scared to commit and then in your next its you!! so what do you think can you be in love but not follow it through or risk loosing it just beacuse of bad timiing???

[SwingFox]

Hi Charlotte,

 

I have read through your article and have been thinking of the implications of your question. I think it is possible. You can be in love with someone, but still he or she seems to be unreachable for that moment, because of many reasons. Your reason right now is distance and him not communicating towards you how he really feels. That confuses, I am sure. There's always a chance of getting back together later, although in this situation you said that you're completely over him right now.

 

My suggestion is that you try to pick up bits and pieces of your life. Try to follow through those dreams you have now. You cannot commit yourself to two things (your dreams and a b/f) at the same time if they both are that far apart.

 

I hope that this gave you some insight and wish you luck and strength to follow anything that crosses your mind.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[simulacra]

Timing is definitely an important part of love and relationships. Along with learning about yourself and the other person, making decisions and having things feel "right" is all tied to timing. I think this kind of stuff happens all the time. The key making a relationship work is to be able to work with the other person and compromise so that things do feel right and the timing/balance of feelings, predicaments, issues etc that are involved in the relationship can all go together. Not all relationships can work out (sadly not even the ones where you feel so much love). But hopefully the important thing you can always take away with every experience is that you are learning something and you can grow because of and with the person you love in whatever timeframe you have with him/her.

[charlotte_skye]

hey guys.....

thanks so much for your insight.......its strange how even though we all know people are different and asking for someone elses opinion doesnt mean they know the exact reasons or exactly why etc its comforting to know people understand and go through the same things as you do, especially when they are things you dont understand.

Swing fox i think i may have confused you alittle, i talked about my ex but i am over him and dont want to be with him but we broke up because he said the timing wasnt right..there were things he had to do liek sort out his emotional issues , his head and his life first because he didnt want to get involved till he knew he could make it work with me. When he broke up with me because the timing wasnt right though i believed he didnt love me because if he loved me wouldnt he have just made it be the right time.

I was using that as an exapmple because now im in a new relationship but instead of beliving if you are in love you would give up anything i find myself wantin to not give up EVERYTHIN but still continue with my dreams...like going overseas and with my new relationship it just isnt the right time...how ironic hey....and so im stuck wondering am i in love?? can you be in love but it just not be the right time???

anyways i thank yas for your views, i too deep down believe yo can love someone and it just not be the right time...i believe the first time you fall in love as i did with my ex is the one where you will give up your dreams and do anything but then when that goes sour you learn form it and the next time round you see love differently. i was very hurt and i think im just not ready to put myself in the positrion again wher ei do give up everythin and it not work out..im still scared to get hurt again or hurt him.

heres another question though do you believe you can be over someone but still be hurt, or if your still hurting do you think that means yur not over them???

love is soooo compicated hey hahah ahh well...can i ask you do you think by sounds of things my ex loved me cos seomtimes i think he didnt and maybe that is what makes me so paranoid now that i dont with my guy now, even though i know i do thanks sooooo much guys...

by the sounds of it you both have the world at your feet with such broad visions and openness.....thansk for sharing