My ex wants me back...again

[Jmora50]

I have been in a very unhealthy relationship for the past two years. It hasn't only been unhealthy but it is a long distance relationship. Being long distance complicates things even more. I don't really want to get into details cause I'll be here all night typing it out. My ex and I have broken up and gotten back together more times than a high school couple. We have violated each others trust and have taken each other for granted. I do feel like he has taken this relationship more for granted than I have. He is a very controlling, strong personality kind of person. Dealing with him and our fights are very overwhelming and exhausting. We pretty much have gone through everything an unhealthy relationship can go through. It has even gotten physical at times, but we always say that we can work things out. Alcohol has played a big part in our relationship. He was sent to a rehab center for alcohol abuse after he got drunk one night and got physical with me. He ended up getting arrested and getting charged with a felony. After that I thought things would definitely be over, but he got a hold of me again and we fixed things like always. Before the arrest him and I had broken up many times. I always asked for him not to contact me because it makes the breakup even harder. It's not long before he is asking for me back, and I always end up giving in to him.

 

About two weeks ago he started drinking again, when I found out I told him I wouldn't stay in the relationship, so we could re-live the past two years all over gain. He said he would stop but he never did. He was drinking and lying to me about it. Since he lives in a different state it was hard to know if he was drinking or not. We then got into a fight about it, and he ended up breaking up with me. He said he was miserable in this relationship and that we never seen to work out our problems like we say we are. I was heartbroken cause after him getting out of rehab I thought things would only get better. I made a great attempt to make things work. We even did couples counseling to try and work out our problems. We broke up two weeks ago cause I wasn't okay with him drinking and he wasn't going to quit. To me, he basically chose alcohol over me.

 

I thought this time around it was a final break up. I knew there was no getting back together cause he seemed so positive with his decision. Today he has tried to get a hold me. He has sent me emails saying that he is sorry and wants me back. Saying "this" time he is going to change and be the person I want him to be. He has been begging me all day to talk to him. I even blocked his number so he wouldn't call and he has been calling me from different numbers. Leaving voicemails that make him sound so weak. I haven't replied or called back. To me it just seems like we always do this. We have been in this position many times before, and he has made so many false promises. I have been strong today about not giving in, but I don't know for how long I will be able to keep my foot down.

 

I'm scared to give in one more time. and then a month later go through this all over again. I love him but I feel like that's not enough to keep on doing this. I feel strong today, but I'm afraid that I will feel sad one of these days and just give in to him.

[LDRohnos]

Well, let me first off say that a control freak in an LDR isn't going to work. At all. I don't recommend LDR's in general for any extended period of time but your relationship sounds toxic. You don't sound like you're the priority for him and it doesn't sound like he's willing to compromise to make the relationship work. This of course works both ways, but you cannot reason with someone who is putting an addiction ahead of you. I've experienced it first hand, when someones mind is preoccupied then that preoccupation takes precedence over EVERYTHING, including you.

 

I would personally go NC and do not initiate any contact with him in any way. If you feel it's necessary talk to him one more time and tell him to stop calling you (if you haven't done so already) and that the relationship is irrevocably over. If you don't feel that's necessary or if you think it will set you back (which it will at first) then just continue to ignore his phone calls, he'll get the hint.

[Ms Darcy]

It sounds like you don't love yourself if you are even considering going back to that. I would advise seeing a counselor if you can to talk through some of your inner issues and staying away from this guy. You deserve a healthy relationship.

[Stormy Weather]

The U.S. census bureau estimates the world population passed 7 billion on March 12, 2012. Don't invest anymore time with this person. You deserve better.

[Jmora50]

I should have never taken him back. Now I am back here dealing with the same break up feelings and sadness.

[Jmora50]

So I have given some history about my relationship here before. Back then when I wrote he was having an alcohol problem. Since then he got sober and work things out. He has been in AA and doing the steps. I went to be with him for a month where he lives (it's a LDR) cause he is deploying at the end of July. While I was there we couldn't get along. We kept fighting and making up. This last fight sent me home two weeks earlier. He kicked me out and said he was done with me. I tried fighting for us. Asking him to give me a chance just like he has asked for in the past. I wanted to stay in the relationship because I felt like we were supposed to be in a better place now that his drinking had stop. He use to blame our problems on Alcohol, so now that he wasn't drinking he would blame me for us not getting along. I would rapidly take offense to him blaming me for us fighting. When I would feel that some of the things he would do or say was what would start the fight. Long story short, he kicked me out, I was about two hours away on the road when he called me to say his peace. Even then I still told him that I didn't want to leave. He said that I could come back but things were gonna be different. And that he wasn't going to put up with any more fighting. We agreed on me driving back but after hanging up and thinking about it clearly I decided not to go back. I was trying to convince myself that I wouldn't say a thing if something bother me, I would just take it so we wouldn't fight. But then again I asked myself how much of that can I deal with before I can't take it anymore. I wrote him an email and told him I decided not to go back. I felt strong then. Now it has been a couple of days and I feel like I should have gone back and tried to work things out. I feel terrible for my decision. I've been wanting to call him and ask if we could work things out, but at this point I think he has had enough as well and has so much going on with this deployment that doesn't want to deal with me. I know he is going to be in town next week for a couple of weeks. He said he would drop off some things that I left behind, and I don't know if he'is planning on talking to me or just leaving my stuff outside my apartment doori feel like if I see him I am just going to cry to him to take me back.