HMMM im not sure where to go from here ..Any insight ??

[miss_dyme]

This guy has been in my life for 3 years now..

We have alwayz been very very close emotionally and after two years we became sexually involved.

We are not in a committed relationship,hes got a very demading career which is taking off and is his dream so right now he could never give 100% to any relationship,also hes been very badly hurt in the past by his ex (she cheated 3 times) so hes a little scared of giving himself completely right now. Altho we are very open and i trust him enuff to at least be sexually commited as i am with him....

Ive been cool with this set up,it probably seems unhealthy but i feel too much for him to walk out of his life..Anyway that was just a lil background info if ud like me to elabourate a lil more let me kno..!

 

Recently i went away for 2 weeks to my sisters ..i called him once from there to say hi and he called me once but i missed the call..i was due back that w/e so i said id get intouch when get back..

So i did just that ,to say hi and catch up,the phone just rang,i didnt think much of it..i tried a few dayz later..same thing..i thought this is weird i left a voice message askin him to call,but he didnt..

 

It was if hed vanished off the face of the earth.

I was thinking if he didnt wanna see me or speak anymore..why not jus say sumthing...ANYTHING...

So i jus carried on presuming ,the worst as u do ..i couldnt keep calling there was no point..i just thought ok..hes probably met someone but hes too scared to tell me so hes jus blanking me i felt so low ,how could someone uve been so close to for so long jus say nothing and disapear like u didnt even exist..so i txt him to say goodbye try get some closure 4 myself in some kind of way..

 

He instantly txt back askin 'what am i talking about'..i said well uve been constantly ignorin my every effort to get intouch..

He then said hes been really down (depressed etc ,his music career is all messed up ,he has been distant with everyone...

Apologised and said he felt bad..

 

From this i felt bad ,i kno he sacrifyced alot for his career ..all i can believe now is that mayb he feels less of a man now his dream has failed,we used to talk alot about his career and he would endlessly tell me how he would want to take care of me as soon as he got himself sorted..mayb he feels he cant do that now...

 

I dont kno wat to do from here..shall i jus back off and let him get his pride back,altho hes explained why hes been distant, im too scared to call incase he still aint ready to talk and i get blanked again...

Then on the other hand theres a tiny bit of doubt,wat if hes lying about his career and really has met someone,would he really tempt fate like that ...jus to get me out the picture...Hes never come accross that cold hearted...

Im really heartbroken because hes really shutting me out ,distancing his self from me ..i want to be there for him...but he cant even really converaste with me..I have been back a month now and havent seen him or spoken to him..jus a few exchanged txts

 

Has he gon into his cave because his career has crashed out..im trying to b cool ,not needy ..but i miss him alot and im not sure if i should just leave him alone till he sorts his head out...

 

Im sorry if this post is confusing,if quite confused myself..but if u have any qeustions id be happy to answer them...

 

Many thanks

[miss_dyme]

ok..well thanx too the 60 people that read my post anyway.

[confuddled]

miss_dyme:

 

I'm sorry you're feeling shut out. It does sound as though he is really depressed and needs a little time to wallow in his own thoughts and figure stuff out. I don't think from what you've said that he's trying to get rid of you, or that he's met somebody else, especially because of his immediate response to that text message you sent him.

 

When somebody is that down and shut off from everybody, all you can do is gently remind them that you are still around and there to talk to when they feel like it.

 

Maybe you could send him a text and let him know that you won't be calling him because you don't want to annoy him, but to let him know that you're thinking of him and hope he's ok. Or perhaps send him a little card or something saying the same thing.

 

I'm not sure how much time you spent together before this, but I would just let him know, without demanding anything from him, every few days or every week, that you're there.

 

When and if he comes around, I think you need to talk about what made him feel that way and what to do if it ever happens again. You don't want it to turn into a habit and he needs to know how it makes YOU feel.

 

Hope you get it sorted out soon

[miss_dyme]

Hiya

Thank you for your reply is was so much appreciated,ur right it is the right way to go about it.

Id thought it might be but just need another persons view really those i have just tell me.'ITS OBVIOUS HE AINT TOO FUSSED ABOUT U COZ HES BLANKING YOU MOVE ON....'

 

Guess that was a lil too hard to hear,Im sorry if my post was a little too trivial .

Thank you

[evy38]

I'd have to ask myself if what I'm getting out of this relationship is worth the pain it's causing me. Yes you love him. We all love them, but how long should a relationship be painful before we let it go.... for our own sanity, self esteem and peace? How long can you take feeling this way? Are you feeling loved? If not, I can tell you that someone out there is going to love you. Don't wait to long to find it.