Doing more for the guy....

[Lucy3]

I've been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. The sex is really good but we only ever really do the missionary position, he said that he prefers that because it feels more intimate and that position feels the best for him during sex. I like doggy which we have done quite a few times too but I don't think he has as much of an intense feeling doing doggy as he does missionary, and its the same for the girl being on top, he said the feeling isn't as good, I don't mind that though as I don't really feel as much when I'm on top and I'm also really self conscious of my stomach. So anyway....I feel like as we only ever do missionary and sometimes doggy that I want to do a bit more for him than be lying underneath, I don't just lie there still or anything but just feel like I want to do more and don't want him thinking that he's always got to do the work, even though he's said he prefers it when we do missionary. I've tried a few times to give him a BJ but don't think he's that bothered about those either lol

 

Am I just being too paranoid and just carry on as we are?

[Stay_home]

It doesn't hurt to switch it up every now and then, as long as you both are getting what you want I don't see any need for concern.

[Lucy3]

Sorry I didn't really say in my post...what kind of things can I do for him? Ideas?

[Deciduous]

Hello Lucy3,

 

Goodness. You have a traditionalist there. He's happy with his repotoire. I don't think you should be worrying about not doing enough. Seems your doing plenty.

 

However if you miss the variety then gently say. We all have favorite positions, but a happy sex life comes from allowing our partner to indulge in their favorites too. If doggy is your favorite, then drop that in conversation in a highly complimentary way. "God, you turn me on so much when we are etc. You're so sexy when you etc. Praise, praise and more praise works in the bedroom and gives him confidence that he can please you, in a variety of different ways, if he is willing to compromise.

 

Ultimately, a sex life is something shared. It has to be pleasing to both parties. Sometimes it should be his favorite position and sometimes yours. As a compromise you can agree to round off in the missionary position, if that suits you both.

 

Some guys are totally unmoved by blow-jobs. If that is your guy there is not much you can do about that. Each to his own.

 

An additional position you can try that keeps that intimate contact is spooning; There are also quite a number of different positions you could try. Have a look at the link below.

 

link removed

[Batya33]

I think if you've only been dating two months and he is already unwilling to compromise on how you two have sex there's a bigger problem than choice of sexual position. It also sounds like you're so afraid of losing him that you're even worried about whether you're pleasing him in the position of his choice. My guess is that you'll start to see signs of his self-absorption or maybe even selfishness in other areas.

[pl3asehelp]

I think if you've only been dating two months and he is already unwilling to compromise on how you two have sex there's a bigger problem than choice of sexual position. It also sounds like you're so afraid of losing him that you're even worried about whether you're pleasing him in the position of his choice. My guess is that you'll start to see signs of his self-absorption or maybe even selfishness in other areas.

 

Where did it say he was unwilling to compromise? All I understood from the post is he's stated his preference, but not that he was asked to do anything else and declined to compromise.

[Batya33]

Where did it say he was unwilling to compromise? All I understood from the post is he's stated his preference, but not that he was asked to do anything else and declined to compromise.

 

It sounds like she is jumping through hoops to please him and in comparison he is not willing to do things her way (at least not with enthusiasm) enough of the time. It seems imbalanced and at this early stage that's problematic.

[pl3asehelp]

It sounds like she is jumping through hoops to please him and in comparison he is not willing to do things her way (at least not with enthusiasm) enough of the time. It seems imbalanced and at this early stage that's problematic.

 

I don't really get this from the OP at all. OP, it sounds like he is happy and you are insecure - just believe what he's telling you, he likes what you guys are doing now. Some people don't need variety to be happy. OP, are YOU unsatisfied with how the sex is?

[Deciduous]

Where did it say he was unwilling to compromise? All I understood from the post is he's stated his preference, but not that he was asked to do anything else and declined to compromise.

 

Oh dear! That's exactly what I thought when I read batya33 comments. Batya33, I think you've invented a back story that isn't in evidence. I don't see any hoops being jumped through.

 

I think if you've only been dating two months and he is already unwilling to compromise on how you two have sex there's a bigger problem than choice of sexual position.

 

What unwillingness? What bigger problem? I'm lost? All I see is an OP who wants to please a boyfriend who is more than delighted with what he is already getting!

 

It also sounds like you're so afraid of losing him that you're even worried about whether you're pleasing him in the position of his choice.

 

So it's now abnormal to want to give back to your male partner??? All I see is an OP who a little shy about communicating her interest in wanting to give back. That was all I was saying in my initial post. If it gives her pleasure to give him pleasure, then gently re-iterate that.

 

My guess is that you'll start to see signs of his self-absorption or maybe even selfishness in other areas.

 

I hate to be crude! But the man is working like a donkey in bed and you see this as signs of self-absorbtion???? For Real???

 

This issue is about open communication. That is all. He isn't mind reader. He doesn't understand that she doesn't feel like an active participant if they always do missionary. Right now he doesn't get it, because she hasn't said this clearly. Fair enough.

 

I genuinely can not see the "bigger problems" you've pessimistically outlined above.

 

 

Deci

[Batya33]

Yes, I may have overreacted. The OP should talk to him again but I remain troubled about how hard she is working to please him and accommodate him and I'd like to hear from her that he said he'd be happy to have sex in the position she prefers half the time.

[pl3asehelp]

Yes, I may have overreacted. The OP should talk to him again but I remain troubled about how hard she is working to please him and accommodate him and I'd like to hear from her that he said he'd be happy to have sex in the position she prefers half the time.

 

I didn't see in her post that she even indicated she has a preferred position. She's asking for advice on positions that would please him. She tried a couple, they didn't float his boat, which is fine. She wants to keep trying.

[Batya33]

I didn't see in her post that she even indicated she has a preferred position. She's asking for advice on positions that would please him. She tried a couple, they didn't float his boat, which is fine. She wants to keep trying.

 

"I like doggy which we have done quite a few times too but I don't think he has as much of an intense feeling doing doggy as he does missionary, and its the same for the girl being on top, he said the feeling isn't as good, I don't mind that though as I don't really feel as much when I'm on top and I'm also really self conscious of my stomach."

[Lucy3]

Hey guys sorry for the late reply, only just seen all of your posts.....

 

I am happy with how it is at the moment, i am certainly not jumping through hoops to please him because i feel that i might lose him..i dont know how i gave you that impression? We do spooning sex too sometimes and like i said i too get a more intense feeling in the missionary position, i suppose i was just paranoid he might feel he is doing all the work being on top, we have communicated and know what eachother like, he knows i like doggy and we have done this many times also, so it is not a case of it all being about what he wants in the bedroom. And i guess it has onlybeen about a month that we have been intimate so as time goes on we will discover more that the other person likes.

[Batya33]

I think it's good to keep communicating and realize that if you're comfortable enough to have him inside your body then be comfortable enough to communicate about what you like/prefer.