Roller coaster break up! Help please.

[bananashampoo]

My ex and I have been fighting a lot since we broke up, and to be frank, the few months before we broke up. I ended the relationship and I suppose he was upset I did such a thing to him, so in that sense I can understand why he wanted to fight with me so much. But he has hurt me really bad, and I have become very disenchanted and so CONFUSED. ..

 

He seems to blame me for things that I have no control over/aren't my fault, for example, he told me his friend, whom he used to get mad at me for talking to (one of the big reasons why I broke up with him), told him that I was always asking him to 'hang out'. One night my ex texted me and asked me if this was true, I told him that he was lying and I comforted him. After a bit I decided to confront this friend because I was hurt that he would make me look so bad to someone I care for, just to cover his ass (he actually asked me to hang out all the time, and to be honest I'm pretty sure he was coming on to me, but my ex didn't really make it clear to him we were together so maybe it's not his fault?). When word got back to my ex he was angry at ME because his friend owed him money and now he figured he wouldn't get the money because of me. I never followed up on that story, so I don't even know if he ever got the money, because I was so hurt by his anger towards me for something I did not do/had no control over.

 

That was the first thing...

 

After the first thing happened I stopped talking to him completely and for a few weeks didn't hear a thing from him.

 

The second thing was when I met a mutual friend of ours for drinks one night and I met this girl, who my friend invited randomly, and after talking to her for a bit she mentioned my ex and how he was telling her he "would really like to take her home" and was coming on to her, ect. so she turned out to be someone he had been trying to hook up with since we broke up. She then mentioned he was talking about his "crazy ex" and I in shock with the whole fact I had to meet this person and hear that told her I was the "crazy ex". This turned out to be a realllllly hard thing for me to go through and I was rendered very sad and depressed for a week or two.

 

A few weeks after that my ex texted me in a friendly manner and was telling me he missed me. He then told me that he has had opportunities to be with other girls but thinks he would just wish they were me. I told him I was missing him too, because it was true, that I was missing him more lately, and when he asked I told him that I think it was because I met his friend, the one he was trying to hook up with. He then got angry at me, told me to "go * * * * myself" and that he's "done with me" and the girl and our mutual friend. Then he started texting them. His reasoning was because he thought this girl was "interesting" and "fun to hang out with" and since she met me she has basically "shunned" him. So it's all my fault.

 

That was the final straw for me, so I told him please leave me alone, stop talking to me and if he sees me in person not to even look at me.

 

But no, it doesn't end at that. After weeks of not speaking to him he texts me on Valentine's Day saying he's sorry for how he treated me and that he is "thinking of me" and he misses me. I never responded.

 

Now a few weeks after Valentine's Day he has texted me again, basically explaining himself in this way: "I really hope you're okay. I miss you, and I relaly hope you don't hate me, you just met me in a strange point in my life. I just wanted to say sorry and I am hoping I get some sort of response or sign that you don't completley hate me."

 

I'm an idiot and I responded, saying I don't completely hate him but I'm really hurt. He responded by saying "I really don't want you to feel hurt about anything. I did really like you, i just freaked out on you and said some stupid * * * * because i'm a moron. But I know you didn't do anything wrong and I'm really sorry. I have been thinking about you a lot these past few days and I just wanna give you a hug."

 

Now the problem here is I feel like I should forgive him but I don't know if i can or should...and after getting those texts a few days ago I have begun to miss him again. He is making it really hard for me to let go... but part of me isn't sure If i want to because I miss him so much... I just want to text him and pretend nothing bad ever happened but I am honestly very scared of him and his random bouts of anger. I feel really torn and I need some perspective!

 

P.S Sorry for how long this msg is!

[Imtheretoo]

Hey, sorry you're going through this. Don't apologize for the length, it's better to get more information when helping someone rather than the cliff notes version.

 

He honestly seems unstable, and talking down at you from behind your back is really low. You seem like a nice girl, so don't settle for someone that doesn't deserve you. Every person has good qualities and those are the ones we miss, but that doesn't override the reality of people's actions. I don't know as to the reasons behind your break-up, and that's okay, but on this forum, we try and abide by the No Contact rule. It'll help you heal and you won't be reduced to pieces every time you receive a "sweet" text.

[bananashampoo]

Okay good, I felt like I wrote a novel, haha, and that was the condensed version.

 

We broke up because I was really unhappy; he was always mad at me for some reason or another, and he never put any effort into the relationship yet expected a lot from me.

 

It's true he doesn't deserve me at all. I will try my best not to respond to him ever again. I think he just needed to get that off his chest and will leave me alone now. The No Contact rule is smart but really hard! Especially when the other person won't listen to you.

 

Maybe I just drove him crazy! lol.

[Imtheretoo]

If you truly did drive the person crazy, they need time for the haze to clear before they can see it and realize they're better off.