Music reminding you of your ex, to listen or not to listen?

[fstopblues]

Hi,

I recently went to a gig where my ex-boyfriends favourite artist was playing, and the artist is also one of my favourites too.

I knew my ex was going to be there, he knew I was going to be there. We were going with separate friends and thankfully we didn't bump into or contact each other.

 

My question is, I really enjoyed the gig, but it was so emotional, I was really happy and enjoying myself and my new life some of the time then other times everything seemed to be tarnished because it reminded me of the many memories me and my ex had with these songs and seeing this artist previously. He was brilliant but I feel its set me back a bit with my healing, I just feel angry and annoyed that it's had this effect on me! That my ex has taken a bit more happiness away from me and that I can't just have moved on and get busy making my new memories. I just feel like a bit of an emotional wreck now.

 

My question.. do you have songs you have actively cut out of your playlist, even though you really like the songs?

It just makes me feel like he's taken a bit more from me once again, where he can probably go and listen and really enjoy these songs without a second thought... Or maybe I'm wrong, it could be painful for him too.

[drmcsugar]

I think the biggest thing I've learned to cope with my breakup was to NOT listen to any music about relationship at all.

 

If it's a sad song, I'll dwell on it forever, and overthink about what happened.

If it's a happy song, then I'll get legitimately angry and somehow relate that to "what I could have had."

 

Shuffling through iTunes for songs-that-aren't-listed-above is also a pain in the butt considering what kind of artists nowadays doesn't sing about love or regrets -__-

[flatplane]

Didn't really associate music with my most recent ex, except stuff I didn't really like anyway. However there's still stuff I don't really listen to from an ex 8 years or so ago. That's probably quite sad now I've just typed it.

[gardnergirl2]

There is one song I can't listen to yet. Tom T Hall, "Your Man Loves You Honey" Guess that was a joke

[endy]

I had songs that when I heard them would remind you of my ex's, the truth is (and maybe I shouldn't be telling you this) is that anything in your memory that was associated with your ex. Foods, restraunts, places, smells, music is going to remind you of them. It's just simply how our brain is wired.

 

However, I can say this. Music, reaches our very soul, because it is a creative expression by someone else from that very place. That's what we are meant to do, experience and we have free will to create whatever it is that we want. Art, music, building, structures, how we design our house. Did you ever notice how happy you can be doing these things? There's a reason for it.

 

So when I listen to music that reminds me of her, or any ex, I put a smile on my face. I don't associate it with the past. I embrace the moment, and the emotions its providing me. I'm not one that lives in the past. Most people do, but where is the past really? It's gone? Look back? Do you see it? You can't, all you can really do is "feel" it, those emotions, and relive those experiences, but you are still living them in that very moment. It's almost as you are right there where you were. Try not to do this. Try to control your mind in a way that you constantly experience and live in the moment. Because if you live in your past, you're going to give the same thing off over and over again. You're going to be stuck in that pattern. When you change your thoughts, you change your future and the things coming your way. The mind is way more powerful than a lot of people realize, and at this time have just began to understand how powerful it really is.

 

I found that if I listened to it over and over this way, I became used to feeling the music, and began associating it with that instead of my ex. I re-wired my brain in other words. You can do that, or just delete the * * * * out of every song you ever listened to, but I find it more healing to be ok with listening to whatever music I want. I'm not going to let past experiences, or people dictate what I do, or choose to do.

[citylove]

I can totally relate. I've finally gotten to a point where I'm able to listen to certain songs simply because they help me realize that I'm not the first one to feel these emotions. I'm actually about to create a thread about it, so feel free to contribute! Music is so powerful.

[LDRohnos]

Music reminds me of times of my life moreso than just an ex. If I hear any "Tupac" or "Bare Naked Ladies" I always reminisce about College.. My last ex if I hear the song "Afterlife" or "She's got Issues" (no pun intended) I always think of my ex. I certainly wouldn't turn the song(s) off if they came on if they reminded me of a heartbreak..if anything it just reminds me of how far I've come since!

[duke nukem]

"Linger" by the Cranberries and "Name" by the Goo Goo Dolls always remind me of my ex. A lot of songs from the 90's do though, just a lot of music from then that I can really relate to. But those two used to make me tear up when I heard them. Guess they still kind of do sometimes.

 

 

And the song from the end of "The Grey". That movie hit me pretty hard when I saw it, and now the last song just makes me lose it haha. "The City Surf".

[guynextdoor]

Interesting thread.. I was thinking the other day how certain songs remind me of certain ex's. Brings back good and bad memories but I still listen to it.

[In the Dark]

Initially I believe someone can not listen to those songs.

There were quite a few songs which my ex and I would dedicate to each other and some of them I played out of enjoyment before hand.

It took me about a year to play some of the songs again.

[duke nukem]

Lmao Dark your avatar made me laugh pretty hard. Thanks for that

[Liraele]

There are a couple of songs that I will still switch off immediately, even 7 months later.

[secondchance67]

I introduced my ex to soo much music....she loved it all, and I was soley responsible for her MP3 playlist.

When I hear a song on that list, I think of her hearing it on her IPOD while riding the train into work in the morning, and wonder if everytime she hears it, she thinks of us , even if for a fleeting moment.

 

I can "one up" all of you, but in the saddest and most pathetic way possible:

 

I cant even listen to the local radio morning show anymore...we would both listen and laugh and discuss the topics over dinner laterthat day.....thats sad and pathetic of me, and indicates where my head is ....but I'll get there....almost 8 weeks now of NC....lot of work left to do before the damn radio doesn't mess my mindset up!

[MissieP]

It's funny you mention music. I was thinking the same thing the other night. My ex loved lady gaga, blondie, Madonna and nirvana who I all liked by the way but now everytime I hear those artists I can't help but not turn them off. I know it sounds crazy but hearing those artists remind me of my ex. He was obsessed with them and always turned them on in his car so the mere thought of listening to them at this point in time makes me cringe. Hopefully one day I'll like those artists again but right now I cannot bear listening to them

[MarnDark]

My ex and I were both music freaks, it brought us together so it's a big deal to me to not listen to her favorite bands. I deleted a fairly large amount of music after she left and I haven't actively listened to those bands since. There is still one specific song that would tear me apart if I heard it again, thankfully it's not too popular and haven't heard it since.

[secondchance67]

...i cant even listen to NEW music that is break up related, forget about the "old stuff" we listened to together.....i spend my morning drive/nighttime drive from work surfing SirusXM...and i have flip away all the time...funny how the songs all reate to your heartache, isnt it?

[MissieP]

Ya strange how music sometimes heals you but when it reminds us of our ex it ends up hurting us. Thanks ex for ruining the songs and artists I liked lol