She's "emotionally unstable" & I think I love her.

[deesea5]

First off I apologize for any spelling and grammar errors.

 

I have never been good at expressing my feelings. So this is new and kinda hard for me.

 

The girl I fell for decided she wants to end things with me last night. We been on and off but, never had an official relationship.

 

We knew each other for a while because, we have mutual friends but we didn't talk much. Until about 1&half year ago. We started hanging out and end up hooking up one night after the bar & we started seeing each other. At first we both agreed it would be no feelings involve. At the time she didn't want to get in another relationship with anyone because. she wasn't over her ex which they broke up 3 months prior to us hooking up. She almost had a kid with her ex if he didn't dump her.

 

Couple months go by, my feelings grew stronger. At this point I wanted something more out of it. I told her I wanted a relationship but, she wasn't ready. She told me its not me and it was her. She told me she can't get attach anymore. So i back off and gave her space but, we still see each other weekly. Sometimes go by, I'm still giving her all my attention but, I felt I wasn't getting the same from her. We had another talk & my goal was still the same. Make her my GF, once again she wasn't ready and she decided to end things. So she won't hurt me any further. I left and I didn't talk to her for 8 months. The hardest 8 months of my life.

 

Last October we reconnected at a friends brithday. This time I thought she was ready for something. Because she was the one who re engage me. I felt that we got closer and we spent more time together. she even told me

 

" I'm so committed to you where i want a relationship but I know deep down I don't"

 

For some reason I thought I had another shot at winning her over. So I went all in. Until about 3 week ago we started seeing each other less from 3-4 times a week to once a week. So I started questioning her activities & She didn't like it(shes the type where she don't want to be told what to do). She confronted me last night and according to her I've been insecure lately. The conversation lead to what we talk about last time when we broke things off. This time she told me she been depressed and emotionally unstable. She been blank and have no emotion at all, & constanly dont want to deal with people. She been seeing a therapist for this & she believes she have some type of illness. So she don't want to "start another relationship with anybody right now". She told me she don't to keep hurting me because, she doesn't know how to offer me the emotions I'm looking for. I asked her why and if it was her ex. She doesn't know the answers. She seem to be unsure of herself and doesn't know anything.

 

She decided it once again it would be best if we end things but, it was never a clear cut answer what she really wants. Probably the reason why I'm still holding on. Regardless I told her I will be there to help her get threw this phase & I respected her decision. But At the same time if i stick around, I'll get even more hurt if it doesn't work out in the end. but I just can't leave her alone. I think I'm in love but I never told her because I think I might scare her away forever. It might be my mind playing tricks on me or just plain imagination; I think she loves me too but just too affarid to show.

 

I have never felt like this about a girl before nor have I ever got this close. She keep telling me its not my fault. I can't help but blame myself. Maybe if i spent more time catering to her emotional needs this won't happen. She was depressed for this long and I didn't even see it. I also blame myself for pushing her away. I just don't know what to do anymore. All I know is I'm crazy about this girl & I just want her to be happy first. Is this what love feels like?

 

Well thanks for reading my vent, if you guys have any comments or experince don't hesitate to share. I'm all ears.

[Hollyj]

Why are you placing yourself in this position? She told you she doesn't want a relationship and is not over the ex. It's not going to work!!!!

 

You cannot help her, she can only help herself! Don't be a Florence Nightingale it is not healthy for either one of you- co-dependent ! You are also showing her you do not respect yourself, as you continue to hang around for this nonsense.

 

There are so many red flags! Do yourself a favor and move on with your life. This girl has nothing to give.

[deesea5]

that's what i keep telling myself but, its easier said than done.

[Hollyj]

that's what i keep telling myself but, its easier said than done.

 

You have to start loving and respecting yourself.

 

She has shown and told you all along she doesn't want a relationship. Why aren't you listening?

[deesea5]

I guess I'm stubborn.

[deesea5]

At this point I just want to be there with her to get threw this phase. I know she needs all the support she can get. I don't care if she don't choose me in the end. I just want her to be happy.