We are emailing after five months, how do I play it?

[cassiana]

We broke up five months ago. He made three weak attempts to contact me within the first fortnight, but I didn't respond. He was about to start the course that caused the break-up anyway. After the course ended I sent him a joke by email( just like the email he sent me after the break-up) He responded within a day. He didnt respond to the next joke so four days later I sent him another and as he didn't reply to that I sen t him it again. Two days later I got back a cautios but personal email. It made clear that hie plans were finish his internship then go travelling. I read between the lines that I didn't figure in his plans while all that was going on. After the weekend I sent him a friendly and funny reply.I mentioned some fun things I was doing and some casual gossip etc. He replied the next day with a much friendlier letter. He mentioned he was getting ten weeks of social dancing lessons from a woman once a week. I didn't know what make of that. The next day I sent him a bubbly reply. He hasn't replied yet (two days).

My plan is to email only as replies to him and at irregular intervals. I intend never to mention our relationship and I have given nothing away about what is going on in my lovelife(I've just began seeing someone in the last week). I,m not going to ask him out, especially behind the new guy's back.Any trips or plays I have mentioned never refer to the gender of my companion.( sometimes a date, sometimes a girlfriend)

Am I doing the right thing?

[Coyote_the_trickster]

well you two broke up, so yeah you moved on I guess and so did he in a way.

 

 

anyways your plan sounds logical

[cassiana]

Well I was absolutely gutted when we broke up and thought he was the one. The months of NC helped me. Now i'm in a position where this new guy might be okay and may the better man win etc (assuming both don't think nah!) Its less stressful than sitting by the phone tearing my hair out. I think I followed the classic advice given here very closely so it will be interesting to see what happens.

[cassiana]

Today I feel like saying GAH!

Because I said this stage would be interesting I was wrong. It has been over a week since my last email and the sod hasn't replied. I know he is busy with his sister's wedding in Italy at the weekend but all he has to do is make sure he gets his but in a suit and on a plane. One little email wouldn't kill him. Does this mean that he will never see me for the gods gift to mankind i am or is it true that men can only focus on one thing at a time? GAHHHHHH!

 

By the way when he does reply it will be a long time before I will grace him with my witty reply.

GAH!

[craigblitz]

Ohh cassiana if you are going to play in this game, and yes it is a game sad to say you better have patience like you have never experienced or displayed in your life. TRUST ME on this one. Patience out the waazooo!!! Good luck to you

[Scout]

I second what Craig just said. Emphatically.

[cassiana]

Do you think that if you are patient and wait and send your perfect little emails that when they come back they are doing you an enormous favour and that you spend the rest of the relationship in the weaker position?

[craigblitz]

Wow... no. That is where communication comes into play. Who said anyting about stopping your life and waiting for them. When they are ready to come back it had better be a mutual decsion. Plus if they are they type to make you feel like the weaker person you should not be with them.

[cassiana]

I have started a relationship with someone else so i'm not going to wait for this guy. I haven't told my ex about the new guy. He hasn't asked and I don't think tis any of his business. I wonder does my ex think that just because I'm emailing him that i'm at home waiting for him? Depending on circumstances I could end up telling my ex im no longer interested or I could be telling him exactly what I want confident that I dont have to settle for less. I think there is an element of a power struggle in all relationships. Here I keep seeing, that is when someone has the power to move on and takes back control, that then the ex is intrigued. As was said earlier, its a game. Games always have winners and losers. Its rarely a draw.