someguy87 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 this morning started off fine...for about 10 minutes. I was driving my mom to the bus stop and seeing that the bus was gone, she tells me to drive ahead to catch up. but the bus is not there. then while in an intersection she tells me to stop and drop her off at the bus stop, which I can't. then she starts screaming at me why i didn't stop ? then she starts all this raged ramblings about my failure, how I resemble my father. this is not just mere anger, this is sheer rage, screaming and raging. I offer her to drive her all the way to her destination but she insists on taking the bus. and I say it's not that much but then she starts screaming to drop her off at the next stop, which I do. yesterday the same thing, a car didn't put a turn signal on or at least I didn't see it and I chose to wait until it passed the intersection, she starts going on and on why I wasn't paying attention? of course I was, I just wanted to be safe! it's super super hard to drive with this woman. seriously, what is wrong with her? and it's not just driving, everything that is not to her liking or when someone cannot see the same thing her way or does it her way, she will flip, start screaming, and sheer rage. totally unpredictable, one moment she is nice and happy then something triggers her to go crazy, she will blame everyone around her, and put people down. she does is at home and at work (she's had to change jobs 4 times already because she keeps interfering with the way people are doing things at work, ordering people around, always talk of how superior she is to others, always judging people 24/7). all her jobs she left in the same fit of rage she displays to me. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 just out of interest ...does this follow a pattern over a month that you have noticed ? I am of course getting at pmt/pms .... it takes nothing ..and I mean nothing to turn into a crazy lady the week before a period and for some also two weeks after when ovulation is taking place. failing that is your mum menopausal ? failing that ......I have nothing else right now .. I just recognised this behaviour as soon as I read it to be likened to pmt .... Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 also ..and op I am not saying she has this ...just offering a reply .. there is something called premenstrual dysphoric disorder ..which is pmt times 100 link removed I had to look into all this myself because I am the devils right hand woman one week out of four . Link to comment
luminousone Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 How old is your mom? She also may be going through menopause, if this is a recent change in her demeanor. However, if she has been this way long term, then she has anger issues. Is she still with your dad, or have they split up? If she is now single then is she overwhelmed financially and emotionally? I am not sure how old you are, OP, but if you are an adult then you have some choices. Honestly when my kids start yelling and fighting in the car, I simply pull over to the side of the road and pull out a book or paper to look like I am reading and wait until they get the point. The first time I did that, when they asked why I had pulled over, I calmly told them that it didn't feel safe to be driving with the distracting yelling, so I simply needed to pull over until they were finished... Now they get the point. Now for your mom that technique may inflame her more, but on the other hand your driving will be safe. The huge key no matter what you do is to REMAIN CALM and don't get hooked into an argument with her. Ask her with some compassion (maybe after all calms down) if something is bothering her. Point out that you are wondering that because the amount of anger for missing the bus stop makes you wonder if there is more that is upsetting. Compassion here is key - she may not feel comfortable spilling the beans but if she senses you are receptive then that might help. Family counseling is a great thing, and if she won't go then you should go so that you can learn some skills on how to deal with her. And those skills will serve you well all of your life in interpersonal situations. It is really not okay for your mom to treat you or anyone else that way, so learning how to set healthy boundaries is also a good thing. I used to get so upset at my mom at how she criticized me and I would be hurt and feel so bad, but then I changed strategies - I let her say what she wanted and be who she was, and I stopped trying to change her. But I also stayed calm and thanked her for her "advice" and "wisdom" and let her know I was going to do it my way. I did not take it personally any more, and once she realized she could not phase me then she started treating me with more respect. You can't change your mom, but you can change how you respond to her. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 You can't change your mom, but you can change how you respond to her. fabulous ...wise words indeed Link to comment
meoww Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 i swear the majority people over 45 are even crazier than us 'kids' I've come to view such people as spiritual tests on my life's journey lol. Good luck to you honestly. It's not easy and it's not your job to fix her. She is an adult with the same resources you have. Link to comment
luminousone Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 i swear the majority people over 45 are even crazier than us 'kids' Hey, I resemble that remark, lol... But I also believe that some of these challenges are spiritual tests for us to learn to navigate through. Link to comment
.thumb.jpeg.44db4c04df92b9d233296a0149430b4d.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.