Avoiding a guy you're attracted to unless you're at your best (online).

[blueidealist24]

Has anyone ever only gone online to talk to the guy they currently like when they feel they are at their best (ie. good mood, not tired)?

 

I find myself avoiding him when I'm tired or in a bad mood (by not signing into msn or appearing offline, NOT blocking) because I think he's so great and I might say something 'wrong' that will turn him off. Btw, this is a new guy I'm talking to recently and not the old one from my other threads before Christmas/at the beginning of this month. I have been like this a bit in the past with other guys, but this guy seems realllly smart and better than the other guys I've met through online dating so I always want to be at my total best when I talk to him. Btw I do plan on meeting him, not just talking online, but he lives 45 minutes away, like a lot of them do so it's not gonna happen right away.

 

Anyway, is this really weird? Haha.

[In the Dark]

Just let him know that you are having a moody day and that it's nothing to do with him if your behavior seems a bit grumpy.

 

He has to know who your are as a whole, not just the moments when you are happy etc....

 

If he is as smart as you say, he will understand that you are only human.

[DylanNotorious]

Really? So if your in a bad mood, your the type of person that EVERYONE else will feel your bad mood too? Wow.

 

Yeah avoid him.

[Alpine]

Sometimes it's best to distance ourselves from others when we are in a bad mood - I completely understand this. Sometimes you might've had a bad day and you're tired and grumpy and you just want some alone time - if you force yourself to be with others during these moments it might start arguments or not end well.

 

However at the same time, I think that people should get to know us as a whole If they care about us, they will understand. If you find yourself online and talking to him when you're in a bad mood, just tell him! I might say something like, "Sorry if I don't seem myself tonight, I've just had a bad day/am tired/etc!"

[TearsofFate]

I'm not sure what DylanNotorious meant..but I get this way too. It's natural to want to impress whoever we really like. So naturally, we might avoid talking to them when he feel grumpy or tired. Although, make sure this habit doesn't elevate to the point where your avoiding him for long periods of time. Then he might take it the wrong way. It's great that your trying to be at your best with him but in the end your going to want to be able to talk to him about all kinds of things.

 

I suggest trying to talk to him when your tired to start with. Just ease yourself into it and you'll find that it's not so bad. It's better to be honest instead of avoiding, but you don't need to overwhelm either. I just feel like you might avoid him too much and he might distance himself too eventually.

 

Try talking to him when your tired first. Be honest. Maybe write something like "Just thought I'd say goodnight to you before I'm off to sleep". Then maybe after a week or so, try talking to him when your grumpy. Just mention "I had a bad day". It's only human. He won't mind..everybody has bad days and gets tired! =]

 

I think also, you might be shy around him because you don't want to mess up. Shyness is tricky to overcome, but you can start small, if that's the case too.

 

Good luck!

[Captain Obvious]

I wonder what will happen when you cant avoid being moody around him, such as if youre with him irl.

[wilyone 11]

This is not weird at all and in fact I think it's pretty smart of you.

 

In the initial stages of dating, it's important for women to show their most positive, self-assured side. Later on, when the relationship has been established, you can gradually share more of your true self, including your insecurities, problems, baggage, fears, etc. This is to avoid overwhelming the man and making him think you're difficult to please.

[In the Dark]

Quite interesting to see the responses here.

It's either avoid or just let him know and carry on talking.

 

In my experience off loading the bad traits later on has been the starting of awkwardness and a rocking stage in the relationship.

It makes me question their interest in me because they are starting to show negative behavior around me which I never saw early on.

 

Can translate to the infamous ending of the honeymoon phase.

[blueidealist24]

Interesting comments..

 

The reason I avoid guys I like (and sometimes other people too, non-romantic friends) is because I tend to get 'touchy' and react with offense to minor comments, which makes me argue with the other person and often the guy ends up losing interest after an argument like this. For example, most often they might make a suggestion and I'll interpret it as them criticizing me. I have always had a problem in this way, being sensitive.

[In the Dark]

Interesting comments..

 

The reason I avoid guys I like (and sometimes other people too, non-romantic friends) is because I tend to get 'touchy' and react with offense to minor comments, which makes me argue with the other person and often the guy ends up losing interest after an argument like this. For example, most often they might make a suggestion and I'll interpret it as them criticizing me. I have always had a problem in this way, being sensitive.

 

You're not alone there.

I have come accross people like yourself before, but at the same time, I not the sweetest when it comes to sugar coating.

But remember this is going to happen later on as well with you and you are going to come accross suggestions, criticisms from someone who may be caring or fond of you which you take to heart.

 

So this kind of behavior you exhibit comes out mainly with male friends besides the ones you are fond of over female friends?

[blueidealist24]

You're not alone there.

I have come accross people like yourself before, but at the same time, I not the sweetest when it comes to sugar coating.

But remember this is going to happen later on as well with you and you are going to come accross suggestions, criticisms from someone who may be caring or fond of you which you take to heart.

 

So this kind of behavior you exhibit comes out mainly with male friends besides the ones you are fond of over female friends?

 

Nah, female friends too. The exact same thing. I just coincidentally don't have that many female friends.