ddp0109 Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 hey guys..well i just saw my ex with her new bf...she dumped me in the first week of august and she went with this new guy already...i seemed to be moving on..but when i saw their picture on the net (she put it on her xanga)..i couldnt help but to feel like crap....i mean, she already is saying she loves him????? saying they met july 15th and stuff..im sure she didnt put how i took care of her when her parents kicked her out of the house a couple weeks prior..or how we spent a couple nights together at my house and at a motel for the 4th of july.....she was saying how she loves me and stuff.....and how the thursday prior to the break up.. (she broke up with me the monday)...she was in my arms kissing me...like honestly..how does someone do this??? im soo hurt..i just want to run away from this all..i wish i never met her...and like how she posts the pic on her page..she KNOWS i look there.....like isnt there any respect someone can have..like she knows that im here in cali still ( i moved here for HER) and she broke up with me after a 4 year relationship.....isnt there some type of respect or dignity not to flaunt her new man in my face....you have no idea how hurt i am..i seriously hate her right now...but i still love her as well...and she said she loves him already guys...HOW??..just cause i wasnt good with the family yet..I WAS TRYING!!! sorry if im just babbling along..but it just hurts because i still dream about her....and to top it all off..whenever she contacts me..she BASHES ME..constant fighting...i hate this..i wish i never met her..i wish i didnt love her...i wish this never happened......sigh what do you guys suggest? Link to comment
Beachboy Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Bro, theres no easy way to say this. What she's doin sounds like more than meets the eye. I'm going through a similar breakup, though not quite as blunt. I have been tearin my hair out and loosing sleep for the past month, and all I can offer is what i've found to help me. We'd all like to get them back, theres no question, so i'll skip all the other fish in the sea crap, because let's face it. Thats just not possible when you'd probably turn down sex with a playmate just to get her back, and you can't get her out of your mind. Well, whatever was wrong with your relationship that made her leave,(maybe shes just being a stupid, imature, girl, hell we've got our moments....haha), you've still got to wake up every morning, with or without her. So, I suggest harnessing that powerfull emotion you got goin right know and apply it to areas in your life that you could improve. Work out religiously, get ripped, do better in school, work longer hours....whatever. After 4 years, you know her better than she knows herself, and you probably put up with more of her crap than most sane men would, so its probable that when she shows her true self to new guy, he won't match up to you. When she cry's, will he be there like you were, probably not. and if she doesn't work out for you, at least you'll be better off. Passing the time in between is the hardest part. When it gets bad, i suggest modest amounts of heinekin, and listening to any blink 182 song...... also, i hate country, but this song will probably cheer you up....Kieth urban "you'll think of me"........Blink 182"time to break up".......Sublime"hope"....thats a big one... and only heiniken....its been dubbed breakup beer because it has an uplifting buzz....but dont drink to much.......other than that........Good Luck..... and remember, if your ever in doubt.....watch tv for 20 minutes and remember that there really are other chicks in the sea who dig sensitive caring guys! Link to comment
ddp0109 Posted September 13, 2004 Author Share Posted September 13, 2004 Beachboy, your one smart guy...your response really helped me out..i mean..it just hurts you know? like..i wanted to be where they are at..and like i did all i could to get down here so we could be together....now that im in cali..she just dropped me like a bad habit....and your right..i do still care for her..its just seeing her with another man already?? like is there some type of on and off switch in love?? cause if there is..i sure as hell wanna get one..i myself cant be in a relationship right now..nevermind saying im in love with someone else? you knwo what i mean? and your right about me gettig up every morning..i have to...i just wish i didnt have to go through this..i rather have never met the girl then be going through the stuff im going through now...i guess it makes you stronger...and its true about everyone saying life is a lesson..i know it is...i just wish i didnt have to learn like this...and tell me, HOW DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE one week...DUMP THEM...and be with someone else in the matter of another week..and SAY ..OH I LOVE HIM..blah blah blah! like i didnt fall in love with my ex overnight...it just hurts cause im only 20 min away when i use to be a 5 hour FLIGHT from her...and yet she's moving on like i was NOTHING?? how could i be NOTHING?...it was just a month ago she was texting me she loved me...and now this??? again..has anyone ever been through what i would like to call "the switch" situation...where someone loves you..says they do..you feel they do..and all of a sudden "SWITCH"...they hate your guts? and your left there thinking to yourself..what the hell just happened???? Link to comment
Elliesonline Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 edudlooc13- We would give anything, and turn down even the most beautiful girl in the world if we could just get our exes back despite all their faults. Can someone please enlighten me on why guys are fixated on getting their exes back? Link to comment
ddp0109 Posted September 13, 2004 Author Share Posted September 13, 2004 edudlooc13- We would give anything, and turn down even the most beautiful girl in the world if we could just get our exes back despite all their faults. Can someone please enlighten me on why guys are fixated on getting their exes back? its hard to say..i mean i cant speak for everyone but in my case...i moved from canada..YES the great white north..to sunny california..for her! and i mean..i invested soo much..and i knew i did a long time ago....but this doesnt mean i want my ex back..from waht she's shown me in the last month..i dont think i would want her back..but that doesnt mean i dont love her still..it doesnt mean that i dont dream about her all the damn time..doesnt mean i dont think of all this stuff ive put into the relationship and how she just went ahead screwed me over....i think for alot of ppl its not the fact of getting their exes back..but geting back into that comfortable place in life that they were in for such a long time....i mean i hate what my ex is doing right now..i despise her actions and they way she handled our break up....but it still doesnt mean i wished things could of went differently..but thats life...i think the more you invest the more you lose..thereforeeee you want to put together all that you possibly can.....but again..thats life you know? Link to comment
Beachboy Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 ahhh....experiance is the hardest techer, it gives you the test first, then the lesson.... while im on qoutes, remember, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all. In my situation, I live less than a mile away, and we're technically broken up, but dating, non-exclusively....i think thats how she put it.... Regardless, I have to hear about her and other guys from my friends, because we hang in the same circle.....that was hard..... I'm still not over it... but just remember. At least your in sunny Cali.... Maybe it'll all work out... maybe it won't. God knows I've tried everything under the sun... My friend gave me some good advice though. He said if you want her back, then you want her to come back for the right reasons. Your girl sounds like she likes pouring salt in the wounds. They just don't understand that we don't feel the same way about the relationship that they do. You moved for her, thats gnarley... Now she's pulling this...wow....Forget about the other guy...that'll just get you down. Just be yourself and take this time to fix your life. Do all the things you couldn't do before. Try and check in with her once in a while, if you want, and just do your thing. At the end of the day, your still in california..... Link to comment
drydupfob Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 edudlooc13- We would give anything, and turn down even the most beautiful girl in the world if we could just get our exes back despite all their faults. Can someone please enlighten me on why guys are fixated on getting their exes back? because when you are in love with a girl.... its like the greatest feeling on earth.... you feel like nothing can touch you, sort of immune to all the stuff that comes with life, because u know that you got someone that loves you for you and you love them for them....... and when people break up..... you fall from grace. That comfort is taken away..... that immunity is gone..... that is y we try so hard to get our ex's back..... but with the exception of a very low percentage..... it never accutally works out again..... you are never going to be able to get back to that zone with that person, because of all the pain she has infliced on you...... hope that cleared it up Link to comment
idontgetit Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 hey, the same thing happens for women too btw. i got dumped by the guy i thought i was going to marry because he decided AFTER 9 YEARS that he needed to see what other people are like... talk about rip your heart out, blend it, and give it back to you as a milkshake. it's been two months now and he hasn't once tried to contact me....this was someone i lived with until recently when he had to move back to do military service and start working with his dad... i was getting ready to move there too... and the worst thing is that we complimented each other perfectly... but moving on... Link to comment
ddp0109 Posted September 13, 2004 Author Share Posted September 13, 2004 hey, the same thing happens for women too btw. i got dumped by the guy i thought i was going to marry because he decided AFTER 9 YEARS that he needed to see what other people are like... talk about rip your heart out, blend it, and give it back to you as a milkshake. it's been two months now and he hasn't once tried to contact me....this was someone i lived with until recently when he had to move back to do military service and start working with his dad... i was getting ready to move there too... and the worst thing is that we complimented each other perfectly... but moving on... i guess nothing is really "safe" when your in love..and its true about feeling your on cloud nine when yoru in love..the sucky thing is when you break up you fall straight through the ground and even after everything happens you still dont know what hit you...its sad..but true!....the worst of my break up is that my ex is emailing me saying that she never wants to see me again (ok i can deal with that) that i was a waste of her time..blah blah blah..i just wish she told me this maybe about 8 months ago before i moved my butt to cali...sheesh!!... hows everyone coping with their break ups?? do you guys still find yourself crying for no apparent reason?? ive been to church quite a bit since my break up....i must say..God is the only thing that keeps me going everyday.. Link to comment
Elliesonline Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 ddp0109- i agree... going to church can help you gain some peace of mind. ddp0109: i think for alot of ppl its not the fact of getting their exes back..but geting back into that comfortable place in life that they were in for such a long time Do you think it's also because when guys, especially, want their exes back, they want to somehow right the wrongs? Sure, comfort is one thing, but there had to be some underlying problem in the relationship that the guy was unaware of... maybe when the girl leaves, it comes as a complete shock to the guy that he'll do whatever it takes to prove himself to her? I don't understand... Link to comment
ddp0109 Posted September 13, 2004 Author Share Posted September 13, 2004 ddp0109- i agree... going to church can help you gain some peace of mind. ddp0109: i think for alot of ppl its not the fact of getting their exes back..but geting back into that comfortable place in life that they were in for such a long time Do you think it's also because when guys, especially, want their exes back, they want to somehow right the wrongs? Sure, comfort is one thing, but there had to be some underlying problem in the relationship that the guy was unaware of... maybe when the girl leaves, it comes as a complete shock to the guy that he'll do whatever it takes to prove himself to her? I don't understand... well for me personally....it wasnt i was unaware..it was that i wasnt given time to fix my stuff..it wasnt even wrongs..it was being accepted...i wasnt accepted...thereforeeee i needed to prove myself to get accepted by her family..i was working on it..and just before i was ready to make my big move..BAAAMMM...i was cut off...and her new man comes in..i know he must be cool within the family..thats why he was accepted so well..and i mean it wasnt my fault i lived so far..thats why im here in cali....i was trying to prove myself....so i mean i know alot of what went wrong..but again, im sure there was surprises that im not sure about..esp. the surprise of my ex being so rude to me...more less it was to prove something not to just her..but the ppl around her..because i watned to be accepted...everyone who says they dont want their exes back are lying..and i mean those that are going through the stuff im going through...but its wanting them for the right reasons that i guess you have to ask...not wanting them because it was comfortable for th "x" amount of time you were them...but again thats life... i just wished i knew all this before i invested so freggin much into the relationship...what do i have to show for it? a bunch of mean emails and hurtful memories?? sigh.... Link to comment
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