Empty

[MattW]

Well, it's about time for my annual venting. Another year is about to be over, and I feel like I've fallen further and further downhill. I really honestly hate everything about my life. What's worse, everything that I used to believe in, and find happiness in, I no longer believe in, or find happiness in. I don't "believe" in much of anything anymore. Nothing seems to make me feel happy anymore. I have no real future, and I'm wasting years of my life just trying to figure out what I want my future to be.

 

I don't even have anybody in my life that I feel I can talk to or find comfort in. I have no friends, I'm not close with my family except for my mom and dad, and I can't even go to my parents, because they're just as "negative" and "depressive" as I am (if not more so). It seems like, 98% of the time I talk to my mom about anything, it's her venting about her problems, and expecting me to comfort her, which is hard to do when I can't even make myself feel better about my own issues.

 

I just feel so... empty, inside. I've felt "empty" for as long as I can remember. I try to "treat" myself, and buy myself nice things when I can afford it, but even that stuff never really makes me feel "happy". I just don't even know what to do with myself anymore. At this point, I feel like one of those elderly people that's just waiting for their life to end, except I have another 40-50 years to sit through. @_@

[quantumst8]

Go volunteer somewhere. Help someone else, even with something simple.

[MattW]

Go volunteer somewhere. Help someone else, even with something simple.

 

Eh... Not to sound like a jerk, but I don't even really care about people anymore, for the most part, and I don't want to volunteer if my heart's not going to be in it. Plus, I'm kinda stretched thin between being a full time college student, and having a part time job (where I'm frequently stuck working near full time hours).

[SnowFox]

It sounds like you are very depressed.

 

Depression can be mild, moderate, or severe, or anywhere in between those. As it gets more severe, the more likely it is that the person will feel hopeless and feel as if there is nothing that can help them. This is a symptom of depression - distorted thinking.

 

Try taking this short test- link removed - be honest with your answers, and see what kind of score you get.

 

It might be worth seeing if you can set up an appointment with a counselor.

[MattW]

It sounds like you are very depressed.

 

Depression can be mild, moderate, or severe, or anywhere in between those. As it gets more severe, the more likely it is that the person will feel hopeless and feel as if there is nothing that can help them. This is a symptom of depression - distorted thinking.

 

Try taking this short test- link removed - be honest with your answers, and see what kind of score you get.

 

It might be worth seeing if you can set up an appointment with a counselor.

 

Ouch... I think my honest answer would be number 3 for roughly 3/4 of those questions.

[SnowFox]

Ouch... I think my honest answer would be number 3 for roughly 3/4 of those questions.

 

What would your total be then? Does it add up to 30 or more? If so, you really need to pursue treatment for depression.

 

Depression can be treated and managed. There are good outcomes for both talk therapy and medication. Once depression gets to a certain level of severity, its not really something a person can "will" themselves out of, although things like daily exercise and meditation can be helpful.

 

I would suggest you do whatever you can to get some treatment.

 

You could go to your primary care doctor, show them the test you just took, and see if they can refer you to a counselor. Or maybe there is a clinic at your college that has counselors available for students.

 

Just because you feel hopeless doesn't mean you are- that is the depression talking.

[MattW]

What would your total be then? Does it add up to 30 or more?

 

More like 44.

 

Depression can be treated and managed. There are good outcomes for both talk therapy and medication. Once depression gets to a certain level of severity, its not really something a person can "will" themselves out of, although things like daily exercise and meditation can be helpful.

 

I would suggest you do whatever you can to get some treatment.

 

You could go to your primary care doctor, show them the test you just took, and see if they can refer you to a counselor. Or maybe there is a clinic at your college that has counselors available for students.

 

Well, I'm under the impression that seeking psychological help is costly, and unfortunately, I don't have very many funds available. I barely make more than minimum wage, and a large portion of my income goes to paying my parent's bills, not to mention my own bills. I've heard that some colleges offer free counseling, but I've looked into mine, and it doesn't appear that they do; can't really expect much, though, as I go to a small community college, rather than a larger university.

[meoww]

When it comes to depression you have to both wait it out and kind of fake it till you make it. Nothing is going to feel good at first and you might feel too lethargic to even get out of bed or something but the more you get out there and do interesting stuff, the better you will eventually feel. You'll feel it when something just clicks in your brain and you start to remember what it felt like to care about things again, and then you'll have motivation, energy and most importantly see the beauty in life again.

 

It's so hard to give advice on this because I know that when you're in this state nothing anyone else says really seems helpful.

You have to trust us though that it's not that the world is dull, it's that your perception has gotten in the habit of being dulled.

 

You are obviously not satisfied with your life. That's the problem right there. You already know that you want to live differently, I really hope you can find the courage to actually do something about it. You don't want to look back even in 5 years thinking, what the hell was I thinking, all I had to do was get a better job, try out a new hobby, travel, make new friends, become better educated, save more money, etc. It's actually a lot easier than it seems and you just have to take it day by day and not look too far ahead.

[SnowFox]

If you want to try to get some treatment - there are some options.

 

If you have health insurance, you can go to a primary care provider. A primary care provider can prescribe medication for depression.

 

If you have health insurance, you can consult your primary care provider to see if you he/she can refer you to a therapist- then you may have a co-pay for each session.

 

You can go to your college's health center and explain your circumstances, that money is tight and you are severely depressed - ask them if they know of resources for low-income mental health treatment.

 

Google your area for "mental health sliding fee scale" or "mental health, low income" or something similar to that - you may be able to find mental health providers who can work with you for a lower fee.

 

Google your area for a low income medical clinic. Where I live, there are clinics for people without insurance- these can prescribe medications for very low cost. But I am not sure if every city has these.

 

Google your area for religious organizations such as Catholic, Jewish, Presbyterian, etc, to see if any of them may have low-cost mental health services.

 

Here is a website with information about low-cost treatments for depression: link removed

 

Things you can do for yourself:

 

1. exercise every day

2. take salmon oil - 5-6 1,000mg capsules per day - you can experiment with different fish oils- some people have better response with different types.

3. go to the library and check out self- help books on depression

4. search on craigslist, meet-up and google to see if there is a depression support group in your area. Some areas have a group called Emotions Anonymous, which is a generic support group for people with emotional difficulties.

5. google "group therapy" in your area, you may find a therapist who offers a group, and this can often be much cheaper than individual therapy

[MattW]

Not to turn this into a "journal", or anything, but I'm feeling like such an idiot right now, because a major screwup on my part just cost myself about $1500. That was more than half of what I had in my bank account. @_@ I feel like such an idiot right now. Ugh. T_T