confused, sad, please help me

[catgirl82]

my boyfriend and i have been on sort of a weird status- we know that we are going to be long distance for the next few years so we are wondering whether or not to break up because of that. i admit that i was much more against the breakup than he was. i am the hopeless romantic that thinks love conquers all, he is a little more logical. anyway, he just called me crying tonight, telling me that some girl kissed him and they kissed for like 15 minutes. then he stopped, broke down in tears, explained the situation to the girl, and then he called me crying telling me what happened. i am in shock right now. this guy, hes my everything. he's my soulmate, he is someone i can see myself marrying. i dont know if this qualifies as "cheating" because we arent really "dating" even though now he said he wants to date me no matter what happens with the distance. i dont know what to think, i dont know how to feel. i feel so shocked right now. i never wanted this break, but he did. so this whole thing is sort of satisfying to me, in a very sick way,, because now he's learned his lesson. but i still want to puke thinking of him kissing another girl. i dont know what to do. has anyone been in this situation? please help me

[catgirl82]

oh by the way, he and the girl were totally drunk. i know this isnt an excuse but still, helps put it into context for you guys

[moleculo]

I'm in a similar situation with my girlfriend...It's tough...I wish I knew a fix-it all cure.

 

If you really, seriously weren't dating, then it's something you have to accept. But you described it as the extremely blurry line of a "break" and that's tough to get past. Ultimately, communicate your feelings to him. Even if you can't find a word for it, find a way...explain your anger. It might help you two get past, or it might help you two understand each other. Ultimately if you are true to your heart you can't go wrong. Right now your heart says somethings amiss. Make sure you don't bottle it up and ultimately, even if it doesn't turn out how you'd hope, it'll turn out for the best.

[Logikal1]

I was in a long distance relationship with my current wife(now ex-wife but that will be another post). I was still in highschool for one more year and she was in college. We had our tough times no doubt but we were both very committed to each other at the time and wrote each other called each other everyday. LDR's can work but it doesn't sound like your b/f is as committed as you are. Getting over the fact that your b/f kissed another girl will take some time, trusting him again will be even more difficult. Wish I could tell you not to worry, but its a huge red flag in my book.

 

Best of luck

[Protex]

Because of his actions I don't think he's trustworthy enough to handle a LDR.

[catgirl82]

i cant stop crying he told me that this kiss proved to him that he could never be with any other girl but me. he was crying about it too. he is coming over tonight so we can talk about it. i have 2 major exams to study for and plans to go see a show tonight with my friends and i am so sad and stressed and i cant focus on my studies. in my heart, i want to forgive him, i really do. i really dont think he would ever do this again, but i know you guys probably think im being pathetic and weak. i love him with all my heart and i know he does too. i want to make this work. please give me some encouraging words. he and i are both very inexperienced when it comes to love, cheating, relationships (hes never cheated on me or anyone before). this whole thing is scary to the both of us. please, if anyone can give me advice, i would be forever grateful

[Mike_Wazowski]

I am of the opinion that Long Distance relationships are DOOMED from the start. They rarely have a happy Ending.

 

Lets face the truth here. A large part of any relationship is based on Physical closeness....Hugging, touching, holding hands, kissing, etc etc....

 

Deprieving either party of that is just setting yourself up for cheating. Your boyfriend just proved the fact that he needs Physical closeness.....He may regret it now, but it will surely happen again, and again, and again and he will feel less and less guilty each time.

 

And you know what? It's NOT his FAULT. I'm wondering who's idea it was to make this an LDR????

 

I'm not a Religious man, but I know the Bible and Paul the Apostle even states to 'NOT be separated from your mate for extended periods of time and not to Deprieve them of physical closeness because it will just lead to Trouble.'

 

There ya have it!

[Mike_Wazowski]

Oh...And my advice to you is either get him close to you or break up.

 

Good luck!

[moleculo]

I fyou have a short term long distance relationship then it would be okay...I had a long distance thing last fall but only for three months...it takes its toll but it works. But if you're not going to be close to each other for a long time then it might be worth it to change.