Need some help with this situation.... heavy on my mind.

[jhaggz]

im no relationship guru, hell i make mistakes like every human being. im a 22 year old guy thats in the Navy right now in DEP status which is delayed entry program. i own a SEAL contract etc etc and i ship out in 4 months. this girl is a girl that is 20 turning 21 soon. basically the story goes like this. i was going out with this girl for 2 and a half months and i fell way to soon for her. The first couple of weeks were great, i actually got a chance to meet her family and i introduced her to mine. things were going great, her family loves me and her mom considers me a son only after this short time. i was falling for this girl very hard....

 

things started going sour when i started seeing signs of what i saw during the first time i got my heart broke, such as lack of caring about things and lack of interest in me i guess you can say. The thing about me is i got my heart broken before very badly while i was in 12th grade, and i promised myself i wouldnt let it happen so i built these barriers and walls up... but back to the reality.. even through these signs i didnt care because i was in love (being a fool). it did get to the point though where i had to say something and i told her "its like you dont even care anymore" while her response was " o i dont care, thats all i needed to hear" BAM thats how it ended.

 

now the thing about me is that i love hard, i may have suffocated her a bit and wanted to see her all the time but only because i am shipping out soon and wanted to spend as much time with her as i could. i tried my best to be an amazing supportive person to her, she told me she wanted to get in shape so i wrote out a plan for her and trained her, whenever she was sick i would bring her medicine or at least something to ease the pain, whenever she needed a ride someplace and had no cash to get there i would take time outta my day to drive her where she needed to go.

 

when the time came to talk after the break up i asked what i did wrong, she told me "you was always comparing me to your past relationship and i hate being compared". in all fairness to her i did compare SITUATIONS to my past relationship because i saw signs of it going down the same road, but i did it unintentionally, never with any malice to harm the relationship, i loved this girl.

 

so i did all the wrong things, when we were broke off i cried, called her non stop, sent her text messages, wrote her emails non stop sent her a hate mail, all the wrongs things to do i did. and she gave me that response that hurts the heart more then anything "you're a great guy and i hope you find someone great". so a week goes by after we break up and i find out shes back with her ex. im confused as hell and hurt to the point where i want to kill someone.. now her ex is a "latin king" and some random hood dude. this hurts my ego because i like to consider that i have a bright future ahead of me and im only doing this to provide and support for my family. the point is though shes already back with her ex, and seems to be just fine.. so i hit her up 1 last time and ask why? she said hes her safety net and already knows whats wrong just by the tone of her voice, all that blah blah stuff. so in turn this made me think i was just a rebound to her and she was looking for a reason to break it off with me so she could get back with him. but then i remember she introduced me to her fam seemed like she actually cared at a point in time. i know i made mistake but my actions didnt warrant an immediate break up. im still feeling pain by this situation but havent talked to her in 2 weeks so far... i miss her like crazy and still do love her.... any advice is appreciated and any opinion about the situation is appreciated. should i just let her go, everyone is telling me she isnt worth it, she had no plans in life and was super lazy but i didnt care i loved her... help?

[shortysunshine]

Okay,

So I came onto this site and your post was the first I had read and felt the need to reply to.

It would be really helpful if you could answer these questions for me first so I can get a better understanding of the situation.

 

What was the relationship with her and her ex like before you? and how long was she single before she started seeing you?

[Raaawr]

Hai!

 

im no relationship guru, hell i make mistakes like every human being. im a 22 year old guy thats in the Navy right now in DEP status which is delayed entry program. i own a SEAL contract etc etc and i ship out in 4 months. this girl is a girl that is 20 turning 21 soon. basically the story goes like this. i was going out with this girl for 2 and a half months and i fell way to soon for her. The first couple of weeks were great, i actually got a chance to meet her family and i introduced her to mine. things were going great, her family loves me and her mom considers me a son only after this short time. i was falling for this girl very hard....

Keep in mind it is only 2 months, its all easy, you barely know the girl yet.

 

things started going sour when i started seeing signs of what i saw during the first time i got my heart broke, such as lack of caring about things and lack of interest in me i guess you can say. The thing about me is i got my heart broken before very badly while i was in 12th grade, and i promised myself i wouldnt let it happen so i built these barriers and walls up... but back to the reality.. even through these signs i didnt care because i was in love (being a fool). it did get to the point though where i had to say something and i told her "its like you dont even care anymore" while her response was " o i dont care, thats all i needed to hear" BAM thats how it ended.

These defensive walls distance yourself and will protect you from heartache yes, but they also distance yourself from everyone around you, so by being worried about being hurt you are essentially already pushing her away. To me, her response sounds like she took it as you not caring about her (probably as a result of these walls of yours) and by putting it on her she got angry. I dont 100% understand the response how you have written it but that is my take.

 

 

now the thing about me is that i love hard, i may have suffocated her a bit and wanted to see her all the time but only because i am shipping out soon and wanted to spend as much time with her as i could. i tried my best to be an amazing supportive person to her, she told me she wanted to get in shape so i wrote out a plan for her and trained her, whenever she was sick i would bring her medicine or at least something to ease the pain, whenever she needed a ride someplace and had no cash to get there i would take time outta my day to drive her where she needed to go.

But what about these walls of yours? Sure you may have done these nice things but what about just letting her in?

 

when the time came to talk after the break up i asked what i did wrong, she told me "you was always comparing me to your past relationship and i hate being compared". in all fairness to her i did compare SITUATIONS to my past relationship because i saw signs of it going down the same road, but i did it unintentionally, never with any malice to harm the relationship, i loved this girl.

Bad. Bad bad bad. Put yourself in her shoes. You meet this girl, you going out for 2 and a half months but for some reason you cant seem to connect with her, like there are these defences in place. On top of that she brings up her past relationship any time an argument is brewing. So what would your conclusion be?

 

so i did all the wrong things, when we were broke off i cried, called her non stop, sent her text messages, wrote her emails non stop sent her a hate mail, all the wrongs things to do i did. and she gave me that response that hurts the heart more then anything "you're a great guy and i hope you find someone great".

Its only been 2 and a half month? Too much far too soon. You need to relax and stop pushing!

 

so a week goes by after we break up and i find out shes back with her ex. im confused as hell and hurt to the point where i want to kill someone.. now her ex is a "latin king" and some random hood dude. this hurts my ego because i like to consider that i have a bright future ahead of me and im only doing this to provide and support for my family. the point is though shes already back with her ex, and seems to be just fine.. so i hit her up 1 last time and ask why? she said hes her safety net and already knows whats wrong just by the tone of her voice, all that blah blah stuff. so in turn this made me think i was just a rebound to her and she was looking for a reason to break it off with me so she could get back with him.

He is the rebound. She probably left him because she thought she would find better. Found you, it wasnt working so she went back to what she had. Its not uncommon for people, guys and girls, to keep an ex baited just incase what they are trying with someone new does not work. She told you he was the safety net.

 

but then i remember she introduced me to her fam seemed like she actually cared at a point in time. i know i made mistake but my actions didnt warrant an immediate break up. im still feeling pain by this situation but havent talked to her in 2 weeks so far... i miss her like crazy and still do love her.... any advice is appreciated and any opinion about the situation is appreciated. should i just let her go, everyone is telling me she isnt worth it, she had no plans in life and was super lazy but i didnt care i loved her... help?

 

Your time line confuses me. You talk like you were with her for years but it was just 2 and a half months? You learn next to nothing about a person in 2 months. There were so many bad habits you had not yet learned, so many things that would drive you insane. If it has been 2 and a half months, do nothing. Sorry to tell you, but the hard fact is, while you felt you were falling in love with her she was probably no where near as serious. Plus, you really dont want a woman in your life who will run back to ex, it means she kept him waiting, gave him breadcrumbs to keep him interested. Manipulated him essentially. Plus, with you leaving in 4 months time, 6 months into a relationship? It probably wouldnt have lasted anyway.

[Flyingpiglet]

Unfortunately, the fact that she introduced you to her family etc does not mean that you weren't a rebound. It's just as likely that she was in denial.

Either way, thats where she's at right now and the best thing you can do for yourself is let her go. Concentrate on yourself and your career. It will be tough but contacting her, begging and pleading is only going to prolong the agony.

[jhaggz]

appreciate the comments. i know it prolly wouldn't have lasted once i shipped out, but i did feel something different with this girl as opposed to my other ex's... i know letting go would be the best bet.