Ex Popped Up Again! What does he want?

[LONDON]

Hi All, just needed some views on my situation. :

 

My ex and I were together for 4 years . We were 2 peas in a pod, did everything together etc. After 4 years (we met when I was 21) I soon matured and realised that he was not gonna commit to me anytime soon so I ended the relationship. we had our problems but beside his mom hating me for not being of the same background we were fine. She got her wish in the end though. Fast-forward 6 months and he's still desperately trying to get in touch with me, I cut all contact change my phone number, the works. he finally gets intouch with me via an old email between my him and my sis so he emails he to initiate contact as I told him never to contact me.

 

By this time I had met someone new and things were going great, against my will and much pleading from my ex I agree to meet up. He tells me he's met someone and apologises for being an ass when we were together. We keep in touch via email and he tells me his new gf is not what he thought. She's older has a kid and is not 'emotionally available' She's very hot and cold with him, he chooses to suffer this as he thinks on day she'll change. We eventually loose touch again.

 

18 Months later my relationship ends a week later he calls to say he's having trouble as she's still 'emotionally available etc' We talk about us and he says he's gonna leave her and we can get back together. At this point he still thinks I'm in a relationship. I tell him to do what he has to do and get back to me. I had nothing to lose and I was single. After 1 week he decides not to leave her, we have an argument. I make it clear that I will not be anyone's bit on the side. We lose touch again.

 

8 months later I meet someone else via eharmony, It goes slowly but I'm happy to see where it goes. I do worry though that my ex may pop up and ruin things I just finally want to move on. I continue dating eharmony guy for about 10 weeks and it goes sour. I break it off via text to avoid any confrontation but in my heart I'm happy with my decision. A day later my ex rings me at work out of the blue wanting to catch up , he says he's near my work so I say ok I've finished work so why not. We meet and he keeps saying how good it is to see me, he asks if I'm seeing anyone. I say no, we talk about work, families, etc i ask about his gf and when they will get married, he says sadly he doesn't think they ever will. She never wants to discuss it and he says he's unsure how much longer he'll wait for her to commit. He says she hardly sleeps with him these days, he says he's committed to her whole-heartedly etc. He asks if I have ny days off this week so we can go 'out' I say no, he says let me take you to lunch, I say no but dinner after work would be ok. I ask why he says it so he can take me out. By this point I'm thinking he's just asking for sex so I get upset and I tell him I'm not the type and he know it. He apologises and says I took it the wrong way, that he would never suggest something like that or to make me feel cheap. I ask him to drop me at the nearest train station.

 

As we part ways he says, 'It was really good to see you'' and he hugs me (I'm not a hugger so I tense up) I says we don't have to hug. I turn to say goodbye and he kisses me on the mouth. I didn't see it coming. I ask what's that for he says he can't explain. He says if he doesn't see me this week he will in 3 weeks as he's abroad visiting his grandparents before Christmas. What i wanna know is what do you guys think as I'm totally baffled! I would get back together with him if he asked and was single as it seems he's matured and ready to commit but I don't know. he just seems to pop up at the end of all my realtionships, its not like we keep in touch ir have mutual friends. My mom says its fate and that it doesn't seem like he's happy elsewhere but I'm just trying to be smart about it. Sorry its a bit long but what do you guys think? Replies appreciated! Thanks

[lanaa]

You ended it because you thought he would not commit? you did talk to him about that? maybe after all,he will,,why would he try so much if not?

[LONDON]

I broke it Off because he never made plans for the future etc and I started to feel like we would always just be boyfriend and girlfriend. Its not that I didn't love him anymore I just felt that I loved him more than he loved me. As for why he's doing this now I have no idea that's the part that baffles me. It would be nice to hear some guys takes on this as well. Have they ever been in that situation and what was the outcome?

[HeartGoesOn]

As for why he's doing this now I have no idea that's the part that baffles me.

 

Because you're allowing him to feed you crumbs, as well as allowing him to cheat on his current girlfriend. He'll continue to do this as long as he can get away with it, and until you stand up and respect yourself.

 

As long as he has a girlfriend, what is he offering you? The simple truth is, if he wanted to be with you, he would, yet despite his silly excuses, he remains with her. Hopefully you'll reconsider your options, and realize that this is not what you want, nor deserve.

[mindi]

Do not fall into his trap. Continue to set your boundary as you have. You are off limits to him as long as he has a girlfriend. The way he is acting though, seems like a red flag. How do you know he wouldn't try to cheat on you with someone else even if he does commit to you?

[LONDON]

Thanks guys for your replies it really helps. I will keep you guys posted however it he's still being flaky when he returns I'll just tell him to leave me alone. I think I'd rather be alone than unsure and unhappy.