remster Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Need advice... Ive been doing well this last couple weeks, putting her out my mind when i can. Its been a solid 2 weeks NC now and i even didnt contact her on her birthday. If you dont know my story basically i found out she was with someone else couple weeks after asking for a break. Anyway i got a text this morning, its sent me right back again almost to the point i dont know what to do so need advice. The text said: "Im sorry i didnt handle things well at all, it was all never ment to happen, but like you said things happened a reason. I hit a wall a couple months ago and was sent to counselling and im now on medication. Anyway it looks like i could be going to teach english in india so you dont need to worry about bumping into me. I really hope everything works for you and that you will be really happy." So what does this mean? or am i reading something into it... Is it a breadcrumb for a reaction? What does everyone think? Bear in mind we been BU for two and half months, so wouldnt i have seen the signs of hitting a wall? Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 If I run this through a translator: "Im sorry i didnt handle things well at all, it was all never ment to happen, but like you said things happened a reason. I hit a wall a couple months ago and was sent to counselling and im now on medication. Anyway it looks like i could be going to teach english in india so you dont need to worry about bumping into me. I really hope everything works for you and that you will be really happy." Means: "I'm sorry I broke up with you but I shouldn't have been in a relationship with you in the first place. I wasn't ready for one. Anyway my life is looking awesome in the future and I hope yours can compare with mine, by the way I still harbor resentment and guilt." The wall she hit was in her own mind and yes this is a breadcrumb. Need not reply unless it's with a "Good Luck I wish you the best!" On second thought: Do not reply if you're NC. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I just looked through your other posts... this is the same girl that said she needed some space and you had some stuff in her place that you sent a letter to? You're definitely doing the best thing you can for yourself by NOT contacting her again. You put yourself out for her once, don't do it again. Do not reply. Link to comment
butterflyburn Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Awwwww so ignore her! She is baiting you with peanuts LoL. If u reply, u shall feel really low for a while Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Oh, she was fully expecting the birthday text message.. She didn't get it, so now she looking for a reaction from you so she knows you're still holding a candle for her! Don't reply to it, don't analyse it, just delete it. And any more text you get from her... Just delete them too! Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Ok, I read through your previous posts. She left you in the end, she wanted space, you sent her a letter and text messages making your feelings clear. So she's in no doubt about how you feel. And as of a few weeks ago, she's with someone else. Then I think at best she's unloading some of her guilt on to you. By responding, you would help her make herself feel better about things, but you'll end up feeling worse. At worst, she's playing games and trying to bait you into some sort of dialog (but nothing that would be good for you). She didn't ask any questions so there's nothing to respond to. Don't respond. Leave her alone. IF something has happened to her current relationship and she does want to reconnect, I think you're far better off leaving her alone unless she makes that clear to you. Link to comment
remster Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 Thank all for your replys, I agree with it all she just trying to off load some guilt. She knows how I feel, but as soon as I found out I just backed off. I even told her not to contact me again. I've deleted the text, and so her number gone again. I won't give her anymore info from me. Why do they keep playing these games? She has already hurt me enough. It's funny she does not know any of my plans now, the fact that I'm in process of planning 8 months travelling around the world, she must think.I'm just going to sit about. Thanks guys, always a help. Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Why do they keep playing these games? She has already hurt me enough. Who knows. Why do we have the urge to keep contacting them after they left us? We know it's a bad idea but the urge is still there, and sometimes we give up the fight and send something. Maybe the guilt on their part becomes overwhelming and they have the urge to send something. Maybe they just want to poke you to see if you're still around. Maybe maybe maybe ... Link to comment
The Man Who Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Seems to be a breadcrumb text in my book as well Remster - funny how they say they want space yet they then get with others. You did the right thing, just remember you don't need her and she can't hurt you. Once your fully at peace with yourself she won't be able to get to you in any way Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I don't even see it as a bread crumb. Since you didn't contact her for her bday, which she fully expected, she is reaching out to stroke her own ego ---- as though you running into her would be worrisome for you....she is boasting about her future....would be surprised if it really happens. Continue to ignore her. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Hi Remster, I read all your other posts. I don't think she sounds like a very nice person. I think it is likely that she will find some reason to contact you again at some point in the future - probably in a couple of months. She really isn't worth the sadness you are feeling - sorry if that doesn't help much. I felt really rotten for months after I got dumped, and harbored hopes of wanting to be back with him for around 4 to 4 an a half months. I've never cried so much in my life. My dumping sounds similar to yours. I suspect that the bait is to see if you chase her which sadly for you, doesn't necessarily mean a lot. If it's any consolation, I feel absolutely nothing for my ex (nothing positive that is). If you want to move back to your hometown for reasons that don't involve her, then go for it. I saw my ex after around 4 months post-dumping. For me, it was actually good because when I saw him, I truly wondered what I ever saw in him. Best thing is to move on, and I think the idea of a pet is a good one too. Link to comment
remster Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 Hi guys, I would just like to say thank you very much for all your replys, im so glad i posted on here now as you have all confirmed what i was thinking. Although it still hurts alot i know she does not deserve any more of my time, thoughts or anything. I was so tempted to reply this morning, im glad now i decided to let you all have your say first, its so good having people who i can really hear and take in what you all say. Ill never really understand her, we went from being so perfect, everything, thinking the same without even saying a word, texting exactly the same time, to having that deep connection ive never felt before. But now all that has changed, she is not stable in a relationship at all, i gave her everything, i wanted to make her so happy, give everything i could and all that. I guess overall i should be happy i found this side of her before we got more serious. I never treated her bad, never enough effection anything, so really i should accept its not me who has the problems its her. I realised today she is only trying to make herself feel better, she dont care about me. If she wanted us to work she would have when i was pouring my heart out to her. I should have worked it out earlier really, she always told me her previuos boyfiends only lasted 3 months, i guess i was more special making it last a year. I see it now as her loss (this might sound big headed) but i gave it my all, but i was just not enough for someone who is so unstable and insecure in themselves. unfortunately a pet is not an option for me, i cannot due to work and living commitments. As for moving back to my home town i will, but at moment im staying where i am and going to commute with work as its needed. The thought that gets me through all this is that i know i will actually be happy one day, i will find a woman in who will share everything with me equally. Its not going to be for a while now, i know i need to be alone and get used to that and be happy in myself. She on the other hand will go through relationship after relationship, ultimately ending up unhappy and alone. I know i broke down more barriers in her than any of her previous relationships, but she just could not handle the tough when a challenge came alone, instead she jumped ship. I really do thank everyone here, you have been such a great help, i will share my help where i can and always remember you guys. Thank you. PS anymore text from her i will put up here too, then we can all have a giggle at the attemps she tries it on with Link to comment
remster Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Hi guys, Im really really struggling today, nothing has happened since the last text, ive not contacted her once, not heard anything back. But for some reason i have really hit a low point today. It could be because i have been off all day and packing as i am moving to a friends for a while. But while packing i found stuff she gave me, cards with lots of love wrting in, photos which i forgot i had. Its just been a very low day, and with Christmas here now, i keep thinking of the plans we had for this year. Ive been so tempted to send her a text today, ive resisted bit ive been almost on the send button twice! I sometimes wounder how im going to finally ever forget her, or am i still just holding on.... Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I wish my ex would text me or something. I am going to go against what everyone said and say text her back. Yes, it may set you back a bit but can you forgive her? she obviously feels sad, and has tried to convey that to you. If it was me, I would text something back. People do make mistakes and they often dont realize it until it is too late. Dont let your pride stand in the way of a postive and possibly healing interaction. Link to comment
remster Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 But what would i text back? Its been 2 and half weeks now since that text from her. If i were to send a text, it would have to be something that would allow me to move forward too? Link to comment
Aqua066 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Yea... do not reply to this text, especially after its been two weeks plus. I've actually made this same mistake before. I knew it was breadcrumbs and I held strong for like a week or two then sent a reply when I started feeling down. All it did was make me look weak and show that she still had control over me. At this point there is nothing you can say or do that silence can do better. Stay NC. Her imagination will start to run wild and she'll start assuming you are better off without her (which is a very good thing). Good luck, stay strong and get busy working on yourself! Aqua Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 yes, if its been that long well....i suppose it is better to just let it go... its not something I am good at. I want to fight till the bitter end. hopefully it will be the last from her, and you can move on in your life with peace. Link to comment
remster Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Ive been saying to myself i hope i dont hear from her again, that way i dont have to think about a reply, or think why / what she is contacting me for. But then that moment of weakness comes back and you just either want to reach out, or do hope for her to contact me. Its such a shame, with how good it really was, thats whats making it so hard to let go. Is it something thats gone forever... such a depressing thought that after sharing so much together and being in love so much it comes to this. Ummm why is this such a hard part of life/relationships to deal with. Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Ive been saying to myself i hope i dont hear from her again, that way i dont have to think about a reply, or think why / what she is contacting me for. But then that moment of weakness comes back and you just either want to reach out, or do hope for her to contact me. Its such a shame, with how good it really was, thats whats making it so hard to let go. Is it something thats gone forever... such a depressing thought that after sharing so much together and being in love so much it comes to this. Ummm why is this such a hard part of life/relationships to deal with. I know, I feel the same way. It is so painful. If my ex would only reach out to me. I have so much to say. I have been thinking of phoning her on Christmas day and just leaving a message, but then again ??? Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Hey, don't feel bad about feeling bad... Its all part of the journey. It's going to be tough, of course it is. Seeing reminders of a past that you though had a future, not to mention the holiday season and all. Yes you are holding on, it's what we do as humans. Who wants to believe that something we thought was so right can go so wrong... But it has, letting go is the only way forward now. Leave the past where it belongs and make the future count. Good on you for not hitting that send button... Stay strong. Link to comment
remster Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Thank you for all your replys, its taken away the urge again Ill be glad to finally put her behind me and not have these moments of weakness show up. Link to comment
remster Posted December 27, 2011 Author Share Posted December 27, 2011 Hi guys, I found out on Christmas day that she has actully broken up with him now. At first I was very happy and thought at least she spending Christmas alone too. unfortunately this has now been playing on my mind big time. I've not heard off her directly, no text nothing. I found out by looking at her Facebook (yes I know big mistake). I'm so tempted to reach out, what would you guys honestly do? Arrrrrr its so difficult... Link to comment
The Man Who Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 I'm so tempted to reach out, what would you guys honestly do? Arrrrrr its so difficult... It's only difficult because you allow it to be! Reach out to her and be sucked into the same wheel that happened beforehand, or, you could do the glorious thing of nothing at all Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Do nothing. The Man is right --- do you want to get on the same cycle: Rinse/Lather/Repeat? Even if she contacts you, do nothing. Link to comment
remster Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 So I guess tonight is going to be the last hurdle, I somehow don't expect to hear from her, but would sending the following really hurt... 'Happy new year, wish you all the best x' sorry guys, 2012 I'm making a strong effort to forget, nothing to bring back reminders now. Wish you all the best and thanks for all the help. Link to comment
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