lilsht05 Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 OK this is a little embarrassing for me, I don't like to be judged, but last night I found a letter that my bf was writing to his ex, who is getting married. When I pick it up he came over to me and told me not to take it serious. It said that he wondered if he wouldn't have moved would they still be together and that he wondered that all the time. I freaked out and tryed to leave, but he wouldn't let me. He told me that it was a jake and that he had to make fun of her because she is getting married and she is only 18. Should I believe him that it was a joke or take it seriously... WHAT SHOULD I DO?????????? Link to comment
Protex Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 The fact that it would be a joke seems really unlikely. It seems to me that he was trying to get one last oppurtunity before the marriage happened. Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 I think it's highly unlikely that someone would get married at 18. In this day in age, there are simply too many reasons not to wait until at least your early to mid twenties. Your boyfriend wasn't joking, since that's not generally something you joke about. He told you that because he was scared and knew he was caught. He sounds dishonest. Link to comment
jessijess Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 I have to agree with everyone else on this one. What kind of joke is that? Not a very good one. It sounds to me like your man is lying to you. Link to comment
Jennyve21 Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 It seems he hasnt gotten over her obviously. But then some people are weird, but I dont think joke is the right word for his behavior. Im sorry you had to witness that, I know what it can be like, I have a boyfriend a little bit like that. Let me tell you its very hard to get the trust back after something like that. Link to comment
hitek_rednek Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 That has to be the sorriest excuse I have ever heard. "It's a joke"??? There wasn't even anything humorous in it. You caught him fair and square, and that was the first thing that came to mind. Now, you have two options here, trust him because his ex is now married, hopefully happily. Or, take it as a warning for the future that he'll leave you for the next one he thinks he has feelings for. You know him better than us, so it's your call. Best of luck with it. -Hitek_Rednek- Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 wow girl that is intense stuff! im so sorry u are now faced w/ such a dilemma, but dude doesnt seem honest to me. how long were u 2 together? how long have they been broken up? & have u ever experienced soemthing like this before with him? mistrust etc... go with your gut, but i dont think it was a joke, i think deep down he still loves this girl....but is it a love that is important enough to worry about? or more of a curiosity thing that in his heart he knows its nothing but there will always be that 'what if' kinda thing? speaking from my heart, when i truly deeply love someone, i dont think its fair to ever be involved with someone else, i dont think its fair to the other person. the heart wants what the heart wants, now just ask yourself what does YOUR heart want? wishin u all the best with this... -DG724 Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 If it was a 'friendly' type of love that he still had for her, then I can't see him writing letters to her still. He would know that she is getting married and at least try to be happy for her and let her move on without his interference. Usually the type of love that causes you to write a letter to someone asking 'what if' is usually the type that means, "I still love you". I would be very careful with this guy. I'll say it again, he doesn't seem honest and true to you. Link to comment
the_tiger_striped_cat Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 Wait a sec. Do you KNOW she is getting married or do you think that is a lie too. It's obvious it's not a joke. But before you come down on yourself: Realize that you can be better for him in EVERY WAY but if he still has feelings for her then he is still going to think about her. How long has it been? How long were they together? Sometimes it take YEARS to get over someone. So don't think this has anything to do with you. But it's clear it's not a joke. But he may have said that because he knew you would react like that. But if this girl REALLY is getting married the letter may have been just a goodbye letter. I think we all need more answers before we jump to wrong conclusions or before we can make good judgements. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 heres another way to look at this...my dad before marrying my mom met up w/ his ex to make sure he had the closure he needed. & my mom was pissed at the time! but he knew he felt nothing for his ex gf once he saw his ex gf again & my rents have been happily married now for 27 yrs. so maybe its just for closure...? if u answer the questions i posted in my previous reply it may help the situation become more clearer to us all. but on ur behalf i know id be flippin out too if i were u. so i cant blame you for buggin out, but keep posting here maybe we can help u understand the situation more clearly. but as for it being a 'joke' that is shady, its def not. that was a definite attempt to downplay any fights that were to follow... -DG724 Link to comment
lilsht05 Posted September 10, 2004 Author Share Posted September 10, 2004 Ok I'm going to try to answer all of your questions. Me and him have been together for almost 2 years. We are ingaged. His ex IS getting married. They haven't talked to each other for almost three years until she got his phone # from a mutaul friend. She asked him to write her. He has only done one thing that would make me not trust him- long story...not getting into it. But I understood because at the time I was thinking the samething, I didn't do it...he did. Anyway, I can't decide if I sould believe him or not. I know that the reason that they broke up was because she was "playing" him and another guy. So... I don't know. Any advicce would be great. And thanks for all that is there already!!! Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 wow youre 17 & engaged, i think u both need to chill out for a bit. u both have a lot left to experience in my opinion. u have no idea how many more guys u can meet within the next few years. -DG724 Link to comment
lilsht05 Posted September 13, 2004 Author Share Posted September 13, 2004 I'm sorry if this sounds a little...mean, but I'm not asking about your opinion on me being engaged. I'm asking your opinion on what I should do about the letter that I found! Sorry if that was harsh, I'm having a TERRIBLE day! Thanx all for the advise and please...keep it coming! Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 i say that b/c if hes the same age as u, i know from experience, not to stereotype BUT guys from the ages of 16 til pretty much 23 are very indecisive, unsure about major choices in life, & they have every right to be, & it is natural. maybe hes not in-love w/ u as much as it seems, & you both are young & maybe acting too suddenly, expecially if hes havin 2nd thughts about an ex. theres obviously something that triggered him into writing that letter. cmon now if everything was kosher he probably wouldnt have thought about 'what if' w/ an ex in the first place. would you??? my advice: slow it down w/ this guy. take a step back & analyze the WHOLE picture. -DG724 Link to comment
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