why do things change in relationships after about half a year

[gal1989]

Hi guys. This is me venting a little bit, no intention to offend anyone.

 

Ive been in 2 LTRs and both after around 6 months states to change. Especially my most recent one which ended a few months ago.

 

I just can't understand why the things they do to "get with tou"/to interest you at first just stopped it makes me so sad

 

With me I'm always as I was at the beginning of the R - I buy them random gifts, write them little love notes and leave them in pockets etc, get excited, look forward to our time together, love going out together, love conversation, love making love. My recent ex just seemed like he wasnt bothered pretty much for the last 9months of or relatiobahip (we were together a year and half), took me for granted, hardly eve wanted to go put, hardly ever wanted to have sex, never bought me things, he used to send me random pictures but stopped, never wanted to plan anything with me...so many little things like that

 

Yhe most recent example of that was we (I!) had suggested going away for a weekend which we hadn't in 3 months he seemed excited about it we set a date but didnt book anything, that week I asked him if we were still doing something that weekend and he said no he can't he had booked his car in for new parts so we couldnt - and he damn well knew it was that weekend we wanted to go away (because he told me he knew) but did it anyway... what the f**k

 

I feel so sad that he didn't treat me good, he could have EASILY its not hard yet he didn't. He took me for granted, why? I gave him all of me and never took him for granted, I loved him so much, showed him that all the time, told him that often. I feel like its all been thrown back in my face. I deserved better and he coupd have done that, but just obviously couldn't be ar*ed! He was by no means a bad bf or a nasty bf we got on, and he loved me, we always cuddles etc but its all this other stuff that gets to me

 

I guess if it was meant to be he would have done these little things. I hope I find someone one day that will fight for me, treat me good. I hope that the spark, romance, excitement never ends... or am I dreaming??

[Furbys]

I think the problem is that people get comfortable in the relationship after a while and they don't tend to make as much effort. I dont think any relationship always has excitement, there will be boring days.

[gal1989]

I think the problem is that people get comfortable in the relationship after a while and they don't tend to make as much effort. I dont think any relationship always has excitement, there will be boring days.

 

Oh yeh I'm aware it won't always be "exciting" but I'm talking about say being excited to go away with ypur partner fpr the weekend or for a holiday even a meal. I wasn't always excited but evegn yhe "boring days" weren't boring because I was with him even just watching a film at his and I was so happy. He just seemed to...dunno not be bothered either way after a while

[Furbys]

I don't think that he was not bothered, i think people get too comfortable and it is hard to get out of that stage.

[DylanNotorious]

I think half your problem is that you ignore signs of the relationship not being good, but you continue to keep in it regardless. If you just cut it when it needs to be cut, instead of hanging around for a year and a half, then you'd be saving yourself a lot of despair.

[gal1989]

I think half your problem is that you ignore signs of the relationship not being good, but you continue to keep in it regardless. If you just cut it when it needs to be cut, instead of hanging around for a year and a half, then you'd be saving yourself a lot of despair.

 

It wasn't a "bad" relationship....

 

Cheers for your helpful post!!!

[Thorshammer]

Him not having sex shows he was losing attraction. He stopped making the effort because he didnt want to.

 

What changed from the first few months you met him? How did you behave then and now?

 

I rarely slept with my ex, and i didnt do much (though I did, at some point I just didnt put the effort). The reason... i lost attraction because she constantly complained and tried to boss me around due to her anxiety/insecurity, or depression, or w/e her problem was. I didnt like her "tests" her nagging, that sucked up all the passion, and it just became a horrible time in the relationship.

[Heartonasleave]

Maybe just the honeymoon period wore off...and you had a little bad luck with the one's you were with....but i wouldnt give up hope!

[BlueRose66]

It always changes! We are biologically wired to have all these chemicals go off during the first 6-9 months to reproduce and ensure the species continues. Its called the "Infatuation phase" goolge it to see. Google stages of relationships and you will learn a lot!

 

The real relationship is the one in which people stick in there and love each other even when they dont always feel like it. Its like being a parent to a degree. Love is more of a choice and an action then a feeling. I have three grown kids, when they were sick and I was tired, I still got up at night to care for them. That is love. It is the same with two people who are in a relationship. After the chemicals wear off, the true test is do they still make a effort to be there for the other?

[Stay_home]

Relationships don't really begin until after all the sparks and fireworks have burned down and that's typically what washes a lot of people out. Because they don't really want a "real" relationship. When you really think about it, that's asking for a lot of a person. To seriously be committed, to have to sacrifice, to make time and take the effort to do things that you sometimes don't want to do. To have to share a bed on some nights, share an apartment or a house to have to fly halfway accross the country. Or to have to see exclusively, telling every other attractive man/woman that you see that you're taken and leaving it at that. That's a lot for anyone and although a lot of people do wind up in relationships or at least in search of one, not very many are equipped and ready for this challenge.

 

So what a lot of us wind up getting ourselves involved in is a mismatch; one willing to do more than the other, or one capable of doing more than the other - therein lies the difference. That's why it is so critically important that we really take our time at dating and look for signs of a troubling relationship; it's hard to catch sometime so we have to always be on guard.

 

Then of course, relationships just die because people change. You can get married tomorrow and be in a loving marriage, wonderful kids, family and realize that the guy/gal you married wasn't exactly the person that you thought they were. Priorties change. It is a constant struggle to work at bettering your situation, it's a challenge that not a lot of people really want to have to deal with and so they let the relationship erode to the point where a breakup happens. Suddenly they're free from it all, no more work -- that's what they wanted all along. To be free from it.

 

You have to avoid people who are like that, they will do no good for you in a relationship.

[Tom1990]

Everybody's different, but yeah, look up relationship phases sometime. They go through changes about every three months. Infatuation, settling in, something-something, then future plans. Then other cycles and stuff. It's interesting, and maybe even worth talking to your significant other about.