What is my ex thinking?

[LouieLouie]

Ok so this a pretty long story - basically my Ex and I broke up about 10months ago. We dated for 2.5 years and lived together. He was affraid of commitment and wanted to have the uni 'lifestyle' being single. This is what has gone down so far - At first I was mad but I never begged, I told him I accepted the break up and he cried in front of me and told me it was sad. This really shocked me as I thought he would have thought about it more and I told him that it was ok.

 

Then we use to see each other quite a bit as we still shared friends and he lived with my best friend - took him a while to understand that I wasn't there for him. I never once begged or made a scene. He wanted to be FWB and I flat out told him no. He always wants to know if I am seeing anyone or to read my text msgs - once he sat right next to me when my phone went off asking me if I had a bf and when my phone rings he wants to know who it is.

 

He is always up and down, hot an cold with me and we have had about 2mths worth of no contact. He has been writing weird fb msgs lately like how he has no game etc. We have met up occassionaly here and there but mainly when were at the same gatherings. He always comes up to me and asks me how I am and what not first, and lets me know I look great - I met one of his friends out (Didn't know he knew my ex) and we started chating and flirting and then my ex rocked up and got really jealous.

 

He doesn't like the thought of me being with anyone else and sometimes he is all over me. A couple of days ago we went to the beach with some friends and he was invited along (mutual group). We had a nice time and he taught me how to play NFL on the beach ( he did aim the ball at my head) and he was quick to notify me when the tag on my bikini top was sticking out of the side lol. But he never really initates any form of contact unless were at something together. He did say that we should catch up soon and he was organising a house warming party but I'm not sure where to go?

 

I have been strong through the whole thing and I have worked on myself and I don't cry over him and I completely understand our previous relationship is dead but I 'm just not sure on how to read the signs with my ex and what I should do? I am seeing him this weekend at a friends party

[misssparkle]

He's probably just trying to have sex with you. That's why he is contacting you about small insignificant things, he's trying to open a small form of contact, but not so much so that you would actually expect a call the morning after. Do not do it.

I suggest that you totally move on and not pay any attention to this guy ever again. It won't be worth it.

[8amallday]

Sounds like he just wants to have you all to himself for some very selfish reasons.

[winniethepooh]

He was affraid of commitment and wanted to have the uni 'lifestyle' being single.

Sigh, but what can you do eh

 

This is what has gone down so far - At first I was mad but I never begged, I told him I accepted the break up and he cried in front of me and told me it was sad. This really shocked me as I thought he would have thought about it more and I told him that it was ok.

Sounds quite dignified and mature on your part. Well done. Sounds like he was taken aback by your reaction.

 

Then we use to see each other quite a bit as we still shared friends and he lived with my best friend - took him a while to understand that I wasn't there for him.

Probably didn't help you in terms of getting over him, but nevertheless, it sounds like you are.

 

I never once begged or made a scene. He wanted to be FWB and I flat out told him no.

Good on you for making your boundaries clear.

 

He always wants to know if I am seeing anyone or to read my text msgs - once he sat right next to me when my phone went off asking me if I had a bf and when my phone rings he wants to know who it is.

Way out of order on his part. Who you see and who calls you is none of his business.

 

He is always up and down, hot an cold with me and we have had about 2mths worth of no contact. He has been writing weird fb msgs lately like how he has no game etc.

Is there any point in looking at his FB account?

 

We have met up occassionaly here and there but mainly when were at the same gatherings. He always comes up to me and asks me how I am and what not first, and lets me know I look great - I met one of his friends out (Didn't know he knew my ex) and we started chating and flirting and then my ex rocked up and got really jealous.

He's at least struggling to detach from the relationship he had with you. Maybe wants to get back together but doesn't know how to go about it. But I think more likely is that although he doesn't want to be with you, he doesn't want you to be with anyone else either. Or at least not before he gets together with someone else first. People can be like that sometimes (often), which is an important reason why after a break-up, you should disconnect as quickly and as much as possible.

 

He doesn't like the thought of me being with anyone else and sometimes he is all over me.

And you're ok with letting him be all over you?

 

A couple of days ago we went to the beach with some friends and he was invited along (mutual group). We had a nice time and he taught me how to play NFL on the beach ( he did aim the ball at my head) and he was quick to notify me when the tag on my bikini top was sticking out of the side lol. But he never really initates any form of contact unless were at something together. He did say that we should catch up soon and he was organising a house warming party but I'm not sure where to go?

Go somewhere else, away from him.

 

I have been strong through the whole thing and I have worked on myself and I don't cry over him and I completely understand our previous relationship is dead but I 'm just not sure on how to read the signs with my ex and what I should do? I am seeing him this weekend at a friends party

You're not sure how to read the signs because it's not clear what they mean. And maybe he doesn't even know. He won't, and you won't, until he has properly gotten over you. It sounds like you have already gotten over him, and if it doesn't bother you, then I guess carry on and let him wallow in his own emotional stew - it was of his own making after all. But perhaps be clearer about your boundaries, and what's not his business. And if it doesn't matter one way or another to you, avoid gatherings where he is going to be.

 

He might be trying to play games with you deliberately (sounds like he's not doing a very good job).

 

He might be hoping for a FWB despite what you said, or an occasional casual horizontal liaison with you.

 

He might be interested in getting back together (but he's making a poor show of that too).

 

He might regret his decision to leave you but then he's being an arse by behaving this way, instead of being clear about it and telling you.

 

He might be hoping his behavior prompts you to come begging to have him back (I don't see any signs that you would).

 

He might be trying to prevent you from moving on and finding someone else (a variation on the games theme). This is probably the one for you to focus on, because if/when you do meet someone else, he could end up interfering in a way that creates problems for you.

 

I don't see any signs in what you say that you're playing games with him. I hope you aren't, even if it's accidental

 

But, erm, why did you post this in the Getting Back Together forum? Is there any desire on your part to get back together with him?

[winniethepooh]

Hmmm ... I just read this in your post from a few weeks back ...

 

We walked to his bus station - he gave me a hug really tight and I did too and he said thanks for lunch and he seemed happy. I said we should do it again soon and I left - didn't even look back. It was really nice and I think we both had a good time. I just hope it ignites something!

"Ignites something"? Sounds to me like you do want him back (or did then). Do you?

[LouieLouie]

Hey thanks so much sorry for the late reply had been overseas for a little bit etc. Yeah I still have feelings for him obviously and I still care and would like to get back with him but I understand it's not going to happen straight away and we need time. I just wanted to get a couple of opinions as I was just a bit lost at how to read him. He Has sort of been a bit messed up since we split. Yeah I think he is just really confused about what he wants and what he thought things would be like but there not. In the end that's not my problem. I'm not a begger and he had the problem with us not me so he has to make the first move. The only thing I have done through out the breakup which is my only vice is that I am too generous and I don't hold back with my feelings or thoughts - that is me, take it or leave it. For example when our group of friends went to the beach i did invite him - didnt want him to be excluded because of me. The invite was there - if he had a problem he didn't have to come. I have also told him that the details of my love life are mine and mine alone and that we are not together so you can't ask me those questions or think anything will happen like that and if he does do anything I let him know.