Need to turn down friend gently

[owlman]

Man, do I need some help and qucik. I went digging through the "Friends" and "Dating" topics but can't find what I need. So here goes:

I've been flirting with a "one-removed" friend (she's a friend of a good friend of mine), but it's all been playful. Just recently, I've been seeing her (been at the same friend's house at the same time) more and so the flirting has been more consistant. In the past week, we're been emailing each other, giving advise of each other's relationships (and flirting a little too.)

Yesterday, we started IM'ing, again we began by talking about each other's relationship issues. We are/were both in the beginnings of new relationships and they have both, well, not gone anywhere. So we were comisserating too.

Today, she emailed me and asked, upfront, if I considered her to be in my "just friends" catergory (a topic we got into from yesterday's IM'ing). And then in a second email (she heard from the guy she's trying to date, and well, they aren't) she asked if I had any plans for tonight. That's the problem. I enjoy being friends with her (and to be honest, the flirting is a nice ego boost) but I don't want anything more from her.

How can I tell her, gently, that I'm not interested? If you recall, just a few months ago, I had a friend turn me down, and it hurt. You think I would have learned from that!

[sisterlynch]

The person who turned you down, hurt you but they also taught you a lesson! It hurts to survive sometimes as much as it hurts to lose! You can look at each of them as a learning experience!

 

When you win, people change their expectations of you, and the same when you lose. Everyone compares everyone else to themselves, who has the best car, best house, cutest girlfriend or boyfriend, etc. That is the world that we live in to be honest.

 

Go easy on those around you. Don't say or do anything that could be understood as a promise to the girl that you aren't interested in, that could lead to a bigger misunderstanding and a more painful set of circumstances in the future!

[owlman]

In case anybody wondered, here's a followup.

It turns out we were both thinking the same thing, "I'm not really interested in "that", just how serious is he/she being?" I even confirmed this with another mutual friend that my flirty friend had talked to a couple days ago. How about that, all worked up over nothing. Even so, I have learned from this and have a better understanding of what the friend that I asked out a few months back must have been going through. How's that for some wacky karma!