She gets in touch! Advice needed, 8 months after break up...

[Bungle UK]

Hey all!

 

I haven't been on this site for a good few months, But I've been doing alot of thinking round and around re a situation that has recently occurred...

 

I split up with my ex 8 or so months ago, we were unreal best friends etc, the usual as like anyone else I guess, it ended quite messy with her playing lots of games, treating me awful and going on the rebound etc.. anyway, after I finally decided 'No contact' in June that was that. She went travelling from July to Sep and I went to Nepal in October. The only contact we had was on our Birthdays, where she wished me the best (Bdays were 2 days apart! August).

 

Now... Whilst I was away, my email account spammed all my contacts, including her, she emailed back saying 'Had I gone mad etc, in a jokey way!' There were a few blunt emails back and forth, I wasn't asking any questions, just simple and short, 'hope your well' etc. In the end, she said 'If you don't find it to weird, I'm setting up my own company, would you like to do some freelance work for me - logos, brochures etc? Think about it' I emailed back, saying 'No thanks, but I wish you all the best... You'l do great' She emailed back, saying, 'No worries I understand, good luck with whatever you are doing! You take care Christopher...'

 

Now, its like alot of things in a break up, and even 8 months down the line you constantly question everything!?

 

My situation at the moment is, I've seen other girls, and I feel happier and stronger than ever in my life, hence the strong emails back - She was my first love so in previous emails earlier in the year I found it very hard!

 

Her situation is, I'm not sure and haven't checked but... I think she is still seeing the rebound (bear in mind she was travelling for 3 months since July!) I don't know alot else about her.

 

I'm a good guy and think you only get one life and I would like to meet her for a coffee and make amends as best we can. But then another part of me says, we had awesome times, lets just leave it at that.

 

Questions I have asked myself -

Did she do this as a way of making contact in a subtle way?

Is she trying to alleviate her guilt and mistakes?

Was she envious, that I was living my life to the full and pursued my dream of going to Nepal, and seeing if I still was responsive to her?

 

Guess I just feel a bit confused, and more than anything would really like to hear if anyone else has ever been through a similiar situation and how it went, positive or negative or... can shed some light on how I'm feeling and way to go about things??

 

Oh, and I know people will say 'its none of my business anymore etc!!; Ha... I know that, I guess I'm just trying to organise my own personal thoughts!!!

 

Thanks in advance all! Chris x

[mhowe]

I would stay away. You are clearly moving on -- revisiting the past won't bring any more clarity or closure.

[mrtango]

If you could move on, please stay away from her. If you contact her, you will go back to square one. Don't do this. If she wants something from you, she must do the effort.

If she wants to come back, she will do this herself. It will not help you to think about it. Don't mess your life with her coming back. It's her problem to solve what she wants to do.

[pebbles111]

I'm inclined to think 8 months is too soon. And this is a first love. You are much stronger now, compared to how you were, but I'm sure it's been a tough emotional journey to get to this point. It might be tempting to show just how great you look/feel/are now, but meeting up, again after 8 months could well re-kindle old feelings for you. As much as you tell yourself that 'friends' is all you want, be careful that your emotions are not playing tricks on you. If you're unsure you're ready now then leave it. Don't set yourself back.

[Tom1990]

8 months may have been too soon. My first girlfriend, after we broke up, it was years later and I was playing with layout and graphics, and we randomly met at some point, and talked about me doing some work for her. (In the end, I didn't have the right skill set, etc etc.) But yeah, 8 months may not be long enough.

[winniethepooh]

Now... Whilst I was away, my email account spammed all my contacts, including her, she emailed back saying 'Had I gone mad etc, in a jokey way!' There were a few blunt emails back and forth, I wasn't asking any questions, just simple and short, 'hope your well' etc. In the end, she said 'If you don't find it to weird, I'm setting up my own company, would you like to do some freelance work for me - logos, brochures etc? Think about it' I emailed back, saying 'No thanks, but I wish you all the best... You'l do great' She emailed back, saying, 'No worries I understand, good luck with whatever you are doing! You take care Christopher...'

Doesn't sound to me like anything more than just being polite, perhaps a little more in terms of she feels guilty (she left you for someone else, or close enough, if I understand correctly).

 

But then you said you and her reconnected, and then you left her because she was going traveling? So I don't know how hurt she felt about that. You might have a better idea. But it's clear that you went through a very difficult time.

 

I'm a good guy and think you only get one life and I would like to meet her for a coffee and make amends as best we can. But then another part of me says, we had awesome times, lets just leave it at that.

If you just want to make amends (I don't really know what for), leave it for a while. The way you're questioning things at present indicates to me you're not emotionally ready to do that. And I don't see anything in your post that clearly indicates you're interested in getting back together with her, so then continue to leave her alone and focus on yourself.

 

Or are you interested in getting back together? I don't really see anything encouraging towards that in her communication with you though.

[mrtango]

Hey Bungle, what did you do? What is it going? Please update us.

 

Good luck.