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break up followed by jealousy and chocolate


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Hi everyone. I have turned to the online community to gain some advice from an 'outsider' on my mess of a breakup. I feel i am slipping into some sort of state of depression and its the ex i cant let go of who is driving me mad. I shall try and give you the short version of what happened.


Basically,we had been together 4 years and he broke up with me in June, we carried on seeing each other until mid August because his head was a wreck he didnt know what to do or how to deal with his decision and neither did i. We just could not stay away from one another. We had a holiday booked for the 1st week of September and he had asked me if we could use the holiday as a fresh start. He said he was still in love with me and just needed to be away from the stress of work, his friends (as they did not approve of me due to a difference in lifestyles) and his family and so i agreed. We were casually seeing one another up until mid august when a girl at work started telling him she was attracted to him. 2 weeks before our holiday she had started sleeping over at his apartment claiming she needed help with her own breakup but still telling him she liked him.. which obviously annoyed me as i was trying to save a relationship i thought was worth saving. Only 4 days after i had slept with him she had jumped into his bed This basically ruined the holiday. We still went but used the week to talk things through and we decided to stay friends as neither of us wanted to be out of the others life.


Now, they have actually become an item. And my ex who i still have to work directly with 5 days a week has been doing silly things like buying me chocolates, standing so close to me hes touching me, purposely walking past me on the shop floor and brushing up against me. It has been witnessed by other members of staff so i know im not going crazy picking up on these little things. Now we have been arguing like crazy this past couple of weeks. Most recent argument being that the girl he is with has cheated on him, i had told him about it to which he didnt believe me at first but upon confronting her found out it was true. He sent me several messages apologising to me and thanking me for being a friend and looking out for him. He gave this girl a 2nd chance which shocked me to hell as he absolutely despises cheaters. I text him the next day and told him i no longer wanted to be friends as i am still in love with him, its killing me seeing him everyday and its hurt me even more knowing hes willing to give a cheater hes known all of two minutes a 2nd chance but not the person he still claims he loves. Later that day he erupted and yelled at me and we havnt spoken for 2 days. 2 days where he kept following me and my colleague around telling her pointless things and only bugging her with jobs whilst i was with her.


I understand that he would lash out at me as i told him when we were on holiday she was known for sleeping about and cheating and she would cheat on him. She only went and proved me right. I imagine having an ex being proved right especially to the knowledge of the staff of a company we have both worked at for the past 5 years must be a blow to the pride.


I just cant take the mixed signals. Trying to be friends only resulted in him being flirty, buying chocolates, being touchy-feely with me at work, messing with my head. Not being friends is driving me mad too i hate that we arent talking but i partly think thats the best way to be for me to get over him.


He has basically spent a grand total of 4 days being single. Going from me to her. Ive heard of rebound but my god thats gotta be one for the record books. Id suspect he had feelings for her before however he only met her after we broke up in june.


We had such a fairy tale relationship. No arguments, no stress, no money worries, nothing to drive us apart (except from his friend who had actually encouraged him to stick with this cheater n leave me We travelled a lot. We spent every minute we could together. The break up came out of the blue and i still cant really get a straight answer out of him as to why it happened. Its getting to the point now where its effecting my weight, sleeping, focus. I think about him all the time. Its impossible for me to be happy especially at work where i have to see him and not talk.


Our mutual friends keep telling me he is just using her as a distraction so he doesnt have to face things. If i leave him be it will it hit him what hes thrown away????


Hes telling me he cant stand watching me talk to other guys but gets arsey if complain over having to see him with her... i just dont understand. Ive never had an ex act like this before. One day hes jealous i talk to other guys then the next hes telling me i need to move on, then hes doing daft things like buying me chocolate!


How should i deal with this now?? Do we go back to being friends, do we not talk at all?? The more we dont talk the more he hovers around like a bad smell...


..im so confused.


Whats he playing at messing with my head like this??? If he really doesnt want me and wants her why does he have to send me all these mixed signals??

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Ahhh dont let him treat you like that.Decide to move on.and tell him your tired of him giving you mixed signal so stay with that * * * * * .When a man treats you like that, it's best to put them at their place.Do not let him do that to you that you won't e able to move on with your life.


I do realise i shouldnt let him pull the strings like he does. Everytime i take a step forward he starts getting jealous and making me think theres a chance hes gonna snap out of what hes doing and come back. Then he goes back to her and ignoring me again and im left hurt all over again. Its a vicious circle. Seeing him everyday does not help at all. I wish someone could wave a magic wand and i could just fall out of love with him.

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Your ex doesn't know what he's doing. He's in a screwed up place. But bottomline he's not choosing you.


He's got his crutch - his new rebound relationship. He doesn't need you too. You need your own space to process the breakup. You need to go NC. Start living your life without him.


It's a mistake to compare the second chance with her to one with you because for whatever reason he's running away from you and clutching on to her. Trust me, he doesnt know what's going on with him but you've got to look after yourself.

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