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Got what I wanted, but it's not what I want now. !!!Help please!!!


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Several months ago I posted on here about how my boyfriend at the time broke up with me. We were together for four years and I broke his trust by confiding in the wrong people. After about three months he wanted to work things out. By now, I've mentally prepared myself to move on. It was so painful. During our break up I did the worst things anyone could do to try and get their ex back. I cried, begged, called all the time, texted you name it. It took me about two months to finally stop crying every night and going out with my girls. Literally during the two months I cried every night. I even found someone I was interested in (not anything serious but flirting). I didn't think I'd even be able to flirt with anyone. I wanted to be happy again. I found myself finally able to smile again.


After two and a half weeks of no contact from me at all, he starts contacting me. Calling me, asking me to hang out. My emotions were all over the place now. I didn't know what to do. I had to move out of our apartment, it was either that or he leaves and I'm stuck with all the bills. I hung out with him and knew I wasn't over him. I was so happy, but my crush for this guy was growing also. I felt so self conflicted. This went on for about another month or two and now I'm here. I'm more devastated then before.


I find that I just want to be alone, by myself but he's so hurt. He wants to get back so bad. He's erasing me from his life so he can move on. I understand but it's hurting me so much to be erased. I can't imagine not talking to him, knowing if he's ok. I can't get him off my mind. I feel that I need to focus on myself but there's this nagging feeling. What should I do? Did I make the wrong choice? He's so hurt, and I don't want him hurt. It hurts me that he's hurting.

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