Insecurity in relationships

[babybear]

I've been with my boyfriend 6-7months. When we spend time together it's amazing and I feel on top of the world. But after he leaves I get all insecure and have negative thinking and question whether I want to be in the relationship. I obsess over ex girlfriends, get annoyed when he's with friends so not able to talk on the phone in the evenings, feel paranoid about his whereabouts, and just generally feel really negative about him. But it's the absolute opposite when we are together. He hasn't given me any reason to be paranoid but did over-share a lot of harmless stories and info about ex girlfriends in the beginning of our relationship which didn't bother me then when I wasn't emotionally attached but bothers me now as I remember everything.

 

I just cried because I spoke to him on the phone and he's off for three days but was really hesitant about seeing me saying he's just spent two days with me and doesn't want to spend all his time with me. I felt really rejected and annoyed thinking well he's spending all his time with other people why am i bottom on the list just to see him for one/out of three days? Then i said why can't i see him friday and he said he could see me then.

 

I know 100% i am controlling and have issues. But the above things that upset me are so painful I literally feel like someone is ripping my heart out. The slightest thing can trigger me into thinking I should dump him like him not wanting to see me then. Advice?

[Furbys]

It sounds like you want to know his whereabouts and be with him 24/7 and that isn't going to happen. He needs to have time to himself, with his friends and not always with you. Just because hes not seeing you one day isn't reason to question whether to dump him, he needs a life outside of you.

 

Reading this... do you even trust him? Because it sounds like you don't and there's no point having a relationship if you cant trust the other person. If you say you do trust him then you shouldn't be having negative thoughts about who hes with, what hes doing. You need to have a good think about if you do want to be in the relationship.

[Batya33]

I think his need to have time to himself during the holiday is because of the clingy vibes/energy (and maybe even direct actions/statements) he is getting from you. Back off for now and show him that you are strong and mature. Let him come to you, miss you and ask to spend time with you.

[babybear]

I don't want to be with him everyday. I think I am currently thinking negatively because in the past 2 days we have spoken for maybe 5mins in total a couple of mins tuesday and a couple of mins today because he is just busy with friends. I do want him to be with his friends I guess I just want a little more attention for myself. How often should a couple speak at this point? We never text and only speak on the phone. It just feels limited when we're not together. But when he's not with his friends we could talk for half an hour- an hour in a day and then I feel happy. But we saw each other Sunday and Monday and then he's off today, Thursday and Friday but was basically saying he didn't want to see me but then agreed to Friday. He's working at the weekend so it would have been at least a week or more that I would of seen him if he hadn't agreed to Friday after I got upset. I just didn't feel like it was enough and felt rejected and negative.

[Batya33]

Most couples I know look forward to spending much of the holidays together if at all possible (i.e. unless one has to go far out of town to be with family and the other is not able to make it). He's telling you he's tired of the clinginess and wants breathing room. I would give him an out for Friday - he "agreed" to see you? Doesn't sound very enthusiastic to me.