Guys: Initiating sex with your partner

[Keyman]

A question for the guys:

 

I'm a pretty confident guy in most aspects of my life. One particularly difficult area is initiating sex with my girlfriend. We have sex and it's great. We both love each other greatly, but she's not so willing to accept that I have difficulty in this area.

 

My main method with past girlfriends was to either entice them into making the first move or starting a sexy conversation back and forth until we eventually got to it. Neither of these works particularly well with my current gf. It was easier at the beginning of the relationship, but after a couple of harsh rejections, I think I've gone even more shy about it.

 

So, guys, what are some of the things you do to initiate sex with your partners?

[tbrays]

Two words: sensual massages! My wife loves when I give her a good rub down and I know it turns her on!

[LDRohnos]

I'm assuming you mean a new partner or potential partner?

 

I really don't do anything...one thing tends to lead to another, next thing you know we're getting eggs and toast for breakfast.

[figur]

I second the massages!

 

This is advice from a woman's perspective: don't try to entice her to make the first move. If she isn't like that, she probably won't change. She'll start when she wants to. My ex had a total hang up over him being the one that initiated a majority of the time. But once it turns into him yelling time and time again about it, why would I ever even want to!?

 

Not saying you're yelling about it. Just take it lightly. If you guys are just cuddling or something ask her what gets her in the mood. But don't push. Just inquire and save that information. And then proceed with the massage It lets her know that you interested in her body for not just sex, but other sorts of sensual pleasures.

[oldenoughtoknow]

"She's not so willing to accept that I have difficulty in this area." What does that mean? Have you talked to her about it? "After a couple of harsh rejections." That doesn't sound good. What happened?

 

What I've noticed is that women (more so than men) want to feel your desire and confidence. I've never met a woman yet that doesn't melt when you take charge - take what you want - the "sweep her off her feet" sort of thing. They need to feel that, at least periodically. Here's a way to get it started. Say you're both puttering around the house, doing your chores, whatever, and she walks by. Grab her by the hand, pull her toward you and kiss her. Then go back to what you were doing. All of a sudden, you have her total attention and attraction (and I've gone out with a few frigid hell hounds). You're not putting yourself out there very much, because even if she's in a bad mood or a total b*%&h, how is she going to complain about giving her SO one kiss? After all, you're not asking for sex. But be warned, sometimes you won't be able to get back to your chores. This is a small gesture that will build your confidence and can pave the way for later that evening. Anticipation is a good thing. If you're still reluctant to initiate at bedtime, try the same approach. Grab her, give her a big Hollywood kiss, and then back away. The mixed signals can also drive her crazy. "What...but you...what...why did you stop?" Next thing you know, you won't know or even care who initiated what - you'll both be a little busy.

 

I hope this helps.

[AngelAmber]

surly she should be willing to initiate if uv explained to her u feel uncomfortable or whatever it is u feel about it? i mean personally i love it when a guy initiated, i worry hes not as into me if i have to initiate the very first time or second time even if its just a kiss..... its great to feel wanted, but if my guy explained to me what was going on and told me is wants me, and would like me to initiate i would do so happily! why should there be a problem?

i have to agree with everything oldenoughtoknow said!!! - i melt when a guy takes charge, love it. its super hot.

[pl3asehelp]

I second the massages!

 

This is advice from a woman's perspective: don't try to entice her to make the first move. If she isn't like that, she probably won't change. She'll start when she wants to. My ex had a total hang up over him being the one that initiated a majority of the time. But once it turns into him yelling time and time again about it, why would I ever even want to!?

 

Not saying you're yelling about it. Just take it lightly. If you guys are just cuddling or something ask her what gets her in the mood. But don't push. Just inquire and save that information. And then proceed with the massage It lets her know that you interested in her body for not just sex, but other sorts of sensual pleasures.

 

This is hilarious. You say he had a hangup because he had to initiate sex with you most of the time?

 

That's not a hangup, it's just unfair to him and he's rightly upset. Why does he have to initiate? It's a 2 way street, plain and simple. It's a huge turn off to have to be the one doing all the work all the time.

 

And, he wants sex - he doesn't want to give her a massage. The only reason he's been advised to give her a massage is because he came here asking for ideas to initiate sex. So, if he were to give her a massage now, it would only be because he thinks it will get him laid, not because he's interested in her body for 'other sorts of sensual pleasures'.

[trustno1]

Hey....honestly...its all about physical touch.....you just have to go for it....if you and your lady have had stimulating dinner conversation, just go for it, kiss touch and see where it takes you both.... like the others mentioned...massage is nice( just don't put her to sleep with it, then you'll miss out) make it as romantic as possible. just be yourself....

[Chris Knows]

What works best for me, is I usually make my move after we are watching a movie or just standing there. Always starts with a kiss!! I will passionately kiss my girlfriend. I am talking the deep stare into the eyes, then will gently grab the side of her face and move in for kissing. Our chemistry is amazing ... and works everytime.

[figur]

You are right that it shouldn't be one sided. So I suppose what I meant is the way he approached the issue was to be openly angry about it, instead of talking about it normally. Once it turned into this spiral of blame I was totally turned off.

 

I suggest massages because initiating sex isn't all about right that moment. If he doesn't make his girlfriend feel desirable, by touching and kissing throughout the day etc, once he actually wants to get laid she will feel like he is purely interested in having sex and not having sex particularly with her.

[THEjourneyMan]

I think the core of the issue is that men are basically SEXUAL and women are SENSUAL. It's also a partnership and has to be explored one situation and instance at a time.

 

I've been in that boat, too. Be thankful that your partner is still looking for sex with you at all. I'm not so fortunate.

[Wistful]

I suggest massages because initiating sex isn't all about right that moment. If he doesn't make his girlfriend feel desirable, by touching and kissing throughout the day etc, once he actually wants to get laid she will feel like he is purely interested in having sex and not having sex particularly with her.

 

This is so important! The girl has to feel loved for more than just the fact that she has a vagina. I know that for me, if by the end of the day my man is wanting to do it, but I don't feel like he's been emotionally interested in me enough, I just can't do it.

[Keyman]

I think the core of the issue is that men are basically SEXUAL and women are SENSUAL. It's also a partnership and has to be explored one situation and instance at a time.

 

I've been in that boat, too. Be thankful that your partner is still looking for sex with you at all. I'm not so fortunate.

 

Here's the interesting thing, in our relationship, the roles are fairly reversed. I'm the one into the sensual side of things and she is basically sexual. That's not to say that I'm not sexual. I want to have sex with my girlfriend because she is my girlfriend and I love her. The act of sex for me brings closeness and is better because we are together.

 

My girlfriend, however, has had several FWB situations, and she liked them because they were exciting. Not being able to have the person when she wanted, or being excited that he was leaving soon so getting the most of what she could. She has said that sex with me is good, but because she can have me whenever she wants and is emotionally involved, she doesn't get so excited and thus doesn't take random opportunities to just tear my clothes off and shag me stupid, which puts all the pressure on to me to do so and it's not always easy to do.