Shy Person Destined to Never Date?

[AVTechman]

Hi, I'm 34 years of age currently and for many years, I have not have much luck when it comes to meeting and dating women, and it stems all the way since high school. Unfortunately for me, I have always been a very shy and reserved person (introvert), and I have had many people tell me this over the years. Then of course I get the usual cliche's of "there's someone for everyone" and "she will come in time". I get really tired of hearing those things now when it seems that many others don't seem to have that problem in meeting women.

 

I don't go out very much and I am not a party person. Seems like there's just too many people out there that like to act a fool and never take anything seriously. Of course, because of my work schedule working second shift, I can't do any evening activities at all. Weekends are usually the only time I can really do something, but I don't really have any friends to really do anything with.

 

Now I am beginning to wonder if maybe its just meant for me to be alone. I know many have said to join a club, attend events and such but its really tough to do that when you don't really have a starting point. And, because I am such a quiet person and don't talk very much, I often fear that I will bore women and simply end up being undatable.

 

I guess at this point in my life, maybe I should just give up the fact that no woman wants me. And I am not saying that to complain or anything, its what I think is beginning of the fact of life for me. Maybe some people aren't meant to date or have any kind of relationship, even friendships. I live alone and I am thinking that maybe, I don't have what it takes. I am not a good risk taker and don't like taking the chance. I tend to take chances on other things when it doesn't relate to meeting a person or anything.

 

And at my age now, I feel its too late for me to meet anyone or date. So, should I just accept the idea of being forever single and alone, and just accept the fact that no love exists for shy people like me? Heck screw the sexual feelings and all, that's pretty much useless and its best for me to just suppress them and never think about it again. Good thing I hardly watch any TV.

[FathomFear]

It's likely not hopeless, but you'll likely need to put yourself out of your normal comfort zone and tasks risk to get movement in the direction you want. Have you pursued online dating to any significant degree?

[badcat3]

I think that online dating has made dating easier for shy, introverted people. If you haven't tried it, I suggest you do. You'll be able to meet similar, introverted women who you would not find at parties. I also think that you should look for someone who also works the second shift. Maybe a nurse, hospital technician, dispatcher, or other. Opposing schedules are a big dating obstacle.

[AVTechman]

I'm not sure about the online dating sites...I haven't tried them in years and generally haven't had much luck using those. Generally the guy ratio on those sites are pretty high as compared to women. I know and understand that confidence always play a big role in meeting people, but there are many times where I really hate the idea of stretching myself out to the point where my arm end up getting cutoff. I make a wonderful friend, no doubt about that and with me being an excellent listener, I am always willing to help and encourage someone whenever I can but, it seems that being 'just a friend' is all I am good for. Its almost like I am no good for anything else. That is why I often hate taking chances because when you have been crushed, its tough to get any strength to try again.

 

@badcat3, yes opposite work schedules are very difficult in my case. Every night when I do my regular route and go through downtown near the end of my run to the yard, I always see people out having a nice time. Even so, many social-gathering events always take place in the evenings during the week where I can't go because I have to work. So it doesn't seem like there's much hope for me and others like me who work these kinds of schedules.

 

I've no doubt that there are introverted women out there just like me. Just haven't found any yet. Besides, for an overly quiet person that I am, I often fear I will bore women greatly.

[badcat3]

Hi AVTechman, I believe that dating websites have become more popular in the past couple of years so it would be worth trying again. You should be explicit about these qualities in your profile. Write that you are looking for someone who has a similar personality (shy, introverted, good at listening, supportive, etc.), and who works the second shift. Go into it with the mindset of nothing ventured, nothing gained. The right woman will not be bored with you. My boyfriend is very quiet and I am fine with it, whereas an outgoing woman may not. It is a matter of compatibility.

[Selfdeprivated]

I've been trying online dating for six years on a dozen sites without any luck.

[camus154]

Hi AVTechman,

 

I'm going to give you some advice that you're probably not going to like so much.

 

You're making excuses for where you're at in your life. People have given you suggestions for how to get social but you say it's really tough. People have suggested online dating but you think you'll have bad luck and there's too much competition.

 

If you're not happy with where you're at, you're going to have to do something to change that. Doesn't matter how hard that will be, doesn't matter if you're not guaranteed instant success. Either you're willing to change your own life or you're not, but no one else is going to do it for you.

 

You will be destined to remain alone if you're not willing to get out there. But of course the choice is entirely up to you. Good luck!

[imsuperman]

I basically agree with Camus.

 

Don't be afraid of fear. I think you're psyching yourself out before anything even happens. I know because I've been there. There is no quick-fix, end-all, solution to this that will not involve you being uncomfortable in some way. Accept the fact that you will be afraid. Accept the fact that you will screw up. The bottom line is that you're LEARNING in those moments. When you externalize all your problems and make yourself the victim, you're refusing to do what's necessary to change. Others can't learn how to succeed with women for you.

 

Talk to women and ask them to do something whenever you're available. I work a second shift too. Even if it's just lunch before you work or something on the weekends, you have to try.

[tigger68]

I am a lot like you AVTechman, shy, introverted, quiet. Online dating didn't work for me but I am not sure how honest I was about who I am. I can understand not going that route though. I think you have to get out and do things that you enjoy(with others), don't really think if it as looking for a date, just get out and have some fun and meet people. I know it's not easy. I was pretty much a longer until a few months ago when I decided to change things. I really had to psych myself up before that first event, and sometimes I still need to psych myself up, but for the most part it has gotten a lot better. We are in different locations but there seem to be some daytime things going on around here for people during the day. Have you checked out link removed in your area? It's pretty good here but I know that is not always the case. I checked for a long time before I found something that I could go to. Hang in there. It's never to late to start dating.