uglywitch Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I don't even know where to begin...the boyfriend broke up with me after an argument. And now his friends -- well our mutual friends -- are all judging me for it. I suppose I can't blame them. I mean, I did tell them that I can't handle being around them since they are mainly his friends and they will be a reminder of him and I don't think I need that while I'm recovering and getting over him. I'm starting to believe all the judgements they are saying and about myself. I feel awful. I know I am being really immature about it, but not everyone can stay friends with their exes, nor can they stay friends with their ex's friends and family members. One even said that since I am so willing to throw away mutual friends, then I am basically treating them as disposable. I have never thought of them like that but it must be true since I ended the friendships since they are mainly his friends. Did I do the right or wrong thing by letting go of the mutual friends we had together when he decided to break things off? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Can you be more specific about the judgements? Are they just upset with you? Don't like you? Don't see how those are judgements. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ApocalypseDreams Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I've been in this situation before. I became friends with my ex's friends and then when we broke up I ended up falling out with them. I think for a clean break up, it is better that you move away from him and his friends. You have to understand with his friends they are always going to side with their friend, first and foremost. Even if they became your friends during the relationship, if they are good friends to him they are obligated to be in his corner and not yours. This was hard for me to realise after the breakup. Not only had I lost my gf but my social circle suddenly reduced majorly. I'd let them drift away and put yourself out there and meant new people, people you do not have baggage with. Volunteer, join a club etc. Keep your head up. ps You should change your username Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uglywitch Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 Well maybe they are just upset. But they did tell me that I'm being very immature, stupid, petty, childish and taking it to the extreme by cutting off all ties with the ex and anything that has to do with him in order to move on. And they think it's silly that I can't remain as friends with him and them. Which kind of pissed me off but it must be true otherwise they wouldn't have said all those things right? I was thinking of breaking up with him before we actually broke up due to the insecurities and one of them said that, that's not even a real excuse to leave someone over. So I stuck around and then we got into an nasty argument and broke up anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 It sounds to me as if you tell them too much. Bringing mutual friends into a break-up isn't a good idea because they will be hearing things from both sides and will probably be forced to take sides.. Personally I would have slipped away quietly and maybe just had light contact with the friends. I wouldn't have made a point of telling them I was cutting all ties with them also as you are effectively involving them and some people can't wait to get stuck right in, in someone else's drama. Even though I think they are wrong when they say its immature for cutting all ties with an ex I probably would have kept my decision to myself or just told a close personal friend. All you can do is to say that you hope they understand, you just need time to heal and gain some strength. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2EvilEyes Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Your mutual friends obviously feel insulted by you breaking up with them too. Even though I'm sure you didn't mean to do it intentionally, but that's how it's perceived as. I think maybe you broke up with the friends because you are consumed with how this break up is making you feel, but did not consider how hurtful it would be to the friends to break up with them as well? Maybe to keep the peace, you could apologize but say that you still need some time for yourself now to get over the break up. In a few months, when you are feeling stronger, you can revisit being friends with them again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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