CanesGirl85 Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Okay...so quick backstory. My ex broke up with me back in August. Early August. Wanted to be a musician...after months of stringing me along and making priomises that he couldn't keep. He started staying out all night, spending most of his weeks at his friends, making plans with me and breaking them right before we were supposed to get together. I would be heartbroken and beg for him to spend time with me, yet get angry about him putting his friend and their cover band first. He never cared. He told me I had to deal with it and respect that it was a part of his career. Mind you, they only played on the weekends, and he cancelled with me throughout the week for practices and stuff. And when he did, he would drink heavily and call me really nasty names, and mock me when I cried. Basically he became a different person and left me over it. I was there for him for three years, I was madly in love with him, and honestly, we had broken up before, and I wouldnt have gotten back together with him if he hadnt expressed a desire to move in with me, marry me and have kids with me, Then the music thing came into play and all of those promises and his sweetness went out the window. When we broke up, it was TOUGH. He confessed that he lied about everything. That he never wanted to move in anytime soon or marry me or have kids or anything...that he had said all that because he didnt want to lose me. When I cried and begged that I needed him and didnt want him to leave because I thought we had something special, and I thought it meant something, he said he needed to pursue his music and didnt want me boxing him in, because I wanted too much time, and he couldnt give me the commitment that I wanted. Plus he wanted to drink and party and called me lame and said I was holding him back. I was stunned. He cancelled our vacations and everything to be with his friends. If it was between him and his main friend, I didnt exist, it still rips me apart, three months later. So, I'm here crying. I have been getting better, slowly but surely. the first month of the breakup we had very very low contact, but once again, he tossed aside any conversations with me, blaming me for the breakup for not being supportive anough, saying I was too clingy and saying being with me made him want to blow his brains out everyday! I was supposedly his best friend (not to mention he was the moody one who never wanted to do anything with me...but his friends? oh, all gung ho to do anything! what BS)...and he treated me with such coldness. It still get to me so much it hurts. I had a phone with his familys phone plan, which I gave back after a month of us breaking up, and got my own phone which he doesnt have the number to. TOTAL NC after that, two months worth. I'm slowly regaining myself. I am going out, having fun, being me, and slowly discovering who I am, becausE I lost myself when I was with him. But I can't get past my anger really horrible. I want to write him soooo bad and tell him that he's a liar, and he hurt me so bad, and that with whoever the next girl he dates (hes still single, as am I) he should be careful not to lead her on and lie. I want to curse him out for all the untrue things he called me, how he treated me like a low priority, and I don't know really...I just have this uncontrollable urge to write him and just vent on why he could be with me and know me for three years, and just drop me off of the face of the earth. I guess I was naively expecting him to come back, and I'm finally letting go of that. Should I email him? I am thinking not, because he would only probably show his friends and call me a psycho and I'm better than that. its not going to do anything now, after three months anyways. sigh. I guess I think he's just moving on, and not caring about the bond we had, and partying and doing whatever and moving on with his life. I feel like i"m stuck in my pain, and I'm not getting anywhere, though I know deep down that I am getting better. I know I'm seeing the light finally, but yet, why do I care when he's fine...and he's forgotten and a party boy now? Why do I care about someone so immature, who never really loved me like he said? I even look at the gigs on his website to see if hes got anything going on...which is screwed up because I want to not care. Its not like he cares what i do or where i am. I don;t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I still cry and still care...I need advice! Why do we always miss the ones who treat us like * * * * ? I drive past him occassionally on the road too, and it always throws me for a loop...why can't I just forget him if its so easy for him? I thought at three months it's supposed to get dramatically better!! UGHh Really bad day today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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