Want To Break NC of 3 Months! Help Me Not To!

[CanesGirl85]

Okay...so quick backstory.

 

My ex broke up with me back in August. Early August. Wanted to be a musician...after months of stringing me along and making priomises that he couldn't keep. He started staying out all night, spending most of his weeks at his friends, making plans with me and breaking them right before we were supposed to get together. I would be heartbroken and beg for him to spend time with me, yet get angry about him putting his friend and their cover band first. He never cared. He told me I had to deal with it and respect that it was a part of his career. Mind you, they only played on the weekends, and he cancelled with me throughout the week for practices and stuff. And when he did, he would drink heavily and call me really nasty names, and mock me when I cried. Basically he became a different person and left me over it. I was there for him for three years, I was madly in love with him, and honestly, we had broken up before, and I wouldnt have gotten back together with him if he hadnt expressed a desire to move in with me, marry me and have kids with me, Then the music thing came into play and all of those promises and his sweetness went out the window.

 

When we broke up, it was TOUGH. He confessed that he lied about everything. That he never wanted to move in anytime soon or marry me or have kids or anything...that he had said all that because he didnt want to lose me. When I cried and begged that I needed him and didnt want him to leave because I thought we had something special, and I thought it meant something, he said he needed to pursue his music and didnt want me boxing him in, because I wanted too much time, and he couldnt give me the commitment that I wanted. Plus he wanted to drink and party and called me lame and said I was holding him back. I was stunned. He cancelled our vacations and everything to be with his friends. If it was between him and his main friend, I didnt exist, it still rips me apart, three months later.

 

So, I'm here crying. I have been getting better, slowly but surely. the first month of the breakup we had very very low contact, but once again, he tossed aside any conversations with me, blaming me for the breakup for not being supportive anough, saying I was too clingy and saying being with me made him want to blow his brains out everyday! I was supposedly his best friend (not to mention he was the moody one who never wanted to do anything with me...but his friends? oh, all gung ho to do anything! what BS)...and he treated me with such coldness. It still get to me so much it hurts.

 

I had a phone with his familys phone plan, which I gave back after a month of us breaking up, and got my own phone which he doesnt have the number to. TOTAL NC after that, two months worth. I'm slowly regaining myself. I am going out, having fun, being me, and slowly discovering who I am, becausE I lost myself when I was with him. But I can't get past my anger really horrible. I want to write him soooo bad and tell him that he's a liar, and he hurt me so bad, and that with whoever the next girl he dates (hes still single, as am I) he should be careful not to lead her on and lie. I want to curse him out for all the untrue things he called me, how he treated me like a low priority, and I don't know really...I just have this uncontrollable urge to write him and just vent on why he could be with me and know me for three years, and just drop me off of the face of the earth. I guess I was naively expecting him to come back, and I'm finally letting go of that.

 

Should I email him? I am thinking not, because he would only probably show his friends and call me a psycho and I'm better than that. its not going to do anything now, after three months anyways. sigh. I guess I think he's just moving on, and not caring about the bond we had, and partying and doing whatever and moving on with his life. I feel like i"m stuck in my pain, and I'm not getting anywhere, though I know deep down that I am getting better. I know I'm seeing the light finally, but yet, why do I care when he's fine...and he's forgotten and a party boy now? Why do I care about someone so immature, who never really loved me like he said? I even look at the gigs on his website to see if hes got anything going on...which is screwed up because I want to not care. Its not like he cares what i do or where i am. I don;t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I still cry and still care...I need advice!

 

Why do we always miss the ones who treat us like * * * * ?

 

I drive past him occassionally on the road too, and it always throws me for a loop...why can't I just forget him if its so easy for him? I thought at three months it's supposed to get dramatically better!! UGHh Really bad day today.

[pl3asehelp]

I'll go out on a limb and say this guy sounds like a total loser plus he's treated you like garbage in addition to lying to you. You *should* want nothing to do with him. The fact that you do I think points out that you have some deeper issue(s) that need to be explored to identify why you think the best you can do is a guy like this.

[CanesGirl85]

Well...he was my first love. And, as outlined, he never started like that with me. When we went out previous times, before music took him over and his POS friends came back in the picture....he was loving, goodhearted, sweet and he was crazy about me as I was about him. He was entirely a different person.

I have had some codependency issues that I have been working on banishing since the BU and have been focusing about qualities in a man that would be good for me to find so I dont fall with the same losers who will break my heart. It has been a very hard journey, but i guess my main problem is that I keep dwelling on who he used to be, and the things he used to say to me, his promises that werent true. And thats what my heart breaks over. he once was so beautiful, and we were beautiful together. We used to have such chemistry until he just didnt care anymore, and his friends pretty much became first priority. He didnt want to commit deeper...he just wanted to run away. Thats all hes ever done when the going gets serious. Yet I think he'll marry the next girl and she"ll have the man I once knew, not this monster. Horrible. I want to forget him.

 

I hope he never gets anything good in his life, and I hope he fails miserably. He is a horrible person,selfish and cold...I WISH I have never met him, and through all the memories, and even though I still love him i am NOt still IN love with him. he doesnt deserve me.

[winniethepooh]

You already answered your own question And you know deep down you're getting better, so keep doing what you're doing.

 

I hope he never gets anything good in his life, and I hope he fails miserably. He is a horrible person,selfish and cold...I WISH I have never met him, and through all the memories, and even though I still love him i am NOt still IN love with him. he doesnt deserve me.

Definitely don't contact him as long as you feel like this. It will come through in whatever you say, and give him ammunition.

 

We used to have such chemistry until he just didnt care anymore, and his friends pretty much became first priority. He didnt want to commit deeper...he just wanted to run away.

He sounds like a musician . But really, do you want to be with someone that flaky?

[toby17]

For a while now I've started to realize that while dumpees often feel worse - because they've been rejected, they got blindsided, they're still in love, are in the habit of blaming themselves etc - the dumper is usually the person who should accept more of the blame for the failure of the relationship, they just no longer give a sh*t and probably cared less when you were together.

Your ex sounds like a complete tool.

As for telling him what you feel, DON'T! You're right about how it might make you look plus it'll give him too much power and seem like you're not moving on.

I definitely think you should write him a letter just don't send it.

And if you think about and you really have to communicate your feelings (and I'd urge you to resist), it could really be summed up in just one line:

"You are a complete insert sentiment". You really dont have to say more than that!