emily2424 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 me and my ex broke up in beginning of oct. we texted once a week for a month and then we realized that we're best friends and we want to be in each others lives. So now we text almost everyday. we dated for almost a year and a half. he is really nice and is always there for me but i don't wanna do the wrong thing to * * * * it up. i want him back eventually..and i know he still loves me..he told me and i can tell when i see him in person. But he's saying right now he just wants to be friends. any tips you can give me? Link to comment
Angler Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Would you be hurt if he hooked up with another girl? If so, you're not best friends. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 You guys are not best friends. If you were best friends you would not be so concerned in f'ing it up. You don't worry about stuff like that with best friends. You are trying to impress him. Link to comment
emily2424 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 well yea, we both said we wanted to build up our trusts for each other.. we want to stay best friends because we enjoy each other so much and we make each other happy and we go to each other when we need someone there. idk.. Link to comment
utopie Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Hi Emily. You're setting yourself up for tremendous pain. You'll never get over him if you are friends. Can you imagine him telling you about his new girlfriend (when he gets one) and all the things they do together (basically what he did with you)? Link to comment
emily2424 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 he told me he still cares for me a lot and i can SEE it in his eyes.. i can tell. every time he sees me he gives me so many hugs.. idk.. I'm gunna try to pull back a little so he can think about me and stuff he admitted that the relationship isn't broken and that our trusts are, and it'll take time to it uppp Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Make sure he's not just using you for emotional support. Stay friends but put some distance between you and you could have your answer in a short amount of time. It would also help to know who broke up with whom. Did he initiate it? Link to comment
toby17 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 If he cared for you so much, he'd be with you. He wants to be friends, you want more. Listen to what everyone else is saying - you won't get him back this way. That's why you're posting on this site. Friends is a way for your ex to wean himself off you while you keep hoping for more. This isn't how you hooked up in the first place, is it? I can see you don't want to accept this right now. So my advice, is to cut your contact in half. Stop being so available - make yourself do other things. If he suggests going for dinner, counter with coffee and leave every encounter first, don't linger. Give him the impression you're moving on with your life and have other things to do - and actually have other things to do. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Read my post in Healing......it should be a lesson for everyone that is asked for friendship with an ex or is considering friendship with an ex. Don't fool yourself. You are setting yourself up for a huge setback. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Agree. It's cliche but when your ex says "I still want to be friends with you" it usually means "Just in case things don't work out for me in my next relationship, I want to know you'll be around to comfort me"...Don't be friends with him. If you can't do that be DISTANT friends with him. Link to comment
Nearbot Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Been there, done that. It's not going to end up how you want. He just wants you there until someone better comes along. I was friends with one of my ex's for a long time after we broke up. I was sure he still had some feelings for me. He called ME every night. Literally every night. We hung out, cuddled, etc., but he didn't want to get back together. I finally had enough, ended it, and never felt better. If a guy wants to be with you, he will. No excuses. Link to comment
utopie Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 he told me he still cares for me a lot and i can SEE it in his eyes.. i can tell. every time he sees me he gives me so many hugs.. idk.. I'm gunna try to pull back a little so he can think about me and stuff he admitted that the relationship isn't broken and that our trusts are, and it'll take time to it uppp That's what my ex also said (I deeply care about you) and he wanted me to stay in his life but all I could see is that he found it hard to just not have me in his life after 3 years together. It's tough on both parties because you are used to having this person in your life. But he doen't want me as a partner and the "be friends" is just a way to make it easier for the dumpers. If he realizes one day you're the one he wants, that he loves you, he will find his way back whether you're friends or not. You have to let go of the hope for now. I know it's easy to say but I've been there (all of us have) and trust me it will get better Link to comment
hodgeheg Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 He probably does care about you, but he doesn't want you to be his girlfriend. I can only imagine how hard it is for you right now, analysing every little thing he says/does to you but it will only get harder when he starts to move on. You are letting him have you in his life but it is clearly not making you happy right now, you're only happy when thinking of a possible future with him and he has made it clear he does not want a future with you in the same way you want him. It is hard. My ex left with a "text me when you want to" and there have been moments when I nearly have, but what would it achieve? Right now I'm either his girlfriend or not in his life in any capactiy. I, and you, deserve better. We deserve partners who are going to love us completely and not selfishly ask us to hang around while they got on with life. Link to comment
emily2424 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 yeah, i get what you all mean.. trust me. it's not like I'm sitting around waiting. i talk to other guys, i go out, i still look pretty and what not. but i did learn that i have to go with my gut and what i think. too many chefs spoil the recipe! i think that i'm going to start backing off a little..have him be the one hanging on my response.. say bye first, not stick around too long.. be a good friend when he needs, like he has for me.. but nothing excessive.. he'll never miss me if I'm ALWAYS there. i changed when i moved away... but i wrote him a note acknowledging this and promising him i will go back to who i was, i don't like who i am right now either so its more for me than him but i figured he should know, and promising that i will build up his trust again. he texted me saying he really appreciated the note and it made him feel good. I know he's in love with me and i know he cares about me. i can see it in his eyes every time i see him. so i'm going with my gut. i know what makes him happy and what doesn't i know everything he appreciates. so for now i'm gunna let things coast... who knows maybe i'll move on in the process? Link to comment
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