pinksocks Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 It's been only a week tomorrow since my last contact with him, he really hurt me and he chose 'her'. But today I woke up really anxious and I miss him How long in no contact does it take before you start to feel better? I just keep thinking of all the things he has said over the last few months and realised that they were lies! How could he do that to me?? I feel really down over him today How long does it take to stop loving and missing someone after 4 years of speaking to them practically every day! You were my soulmate, we should have been together Link to comment
neiya Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 he isnt horrible..if he loves u will definitely be back..and if he doesnt it was never meant to be..its the hard truth and get urself busy with things..distract urself and one day he will see u happy and realized what he did and come back.. Link to comment
Airbag Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Hey, I'm so sorry that you feel this way. Just don't forget you are not alone. I had not heard from my ex in over 3 months and yesterday she suddenly messaged me. The funny thing is, that she sent that message on a day that I felt really good about my own life again. I was in a severe depression for 2.5 months and just started to feel better about myself again. I also was with my ex for a long time (3.5 years), and I'm still not over her. It will take a while, that's for sure. Just remember: the sun still shines above those dark clouds. If you feel down again, just vent on here. Remember that we are here for you! Stay strong and try to remain positive. Things WILL get better over time. - A. Link to comment
shortest_straw90 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 he isnt horrible..if he loves u will definitely be back..and if he doesnt it was never meant to be..its the hard truth and get urself busy with things..distract urself and one day he will see u happy and realized what he did and come back.. How do you know he hasnt been horrible? My ex was a little cow during the break up, whenever I tried to move on she'd try and reel me back in. If I were you Pinksocks Id ignore this "if he loves you he will come back" that was a stupid thing to say. If he loved you like he should it wouldnt have gotten to this stage where he's gone off with someone else. Im in the same boat as you, my ex left me for someone else, it was a typical example of G.I.G.S. All the advice I can give you is to stick to NC, Im on day 12 and some days I still break down into a horrible depression but then the next day Im happier than Ive ever been, its a roller coaster of emotions but I always miss her and I still love her. Its difficult but all you can do is troop on through each day. Thats what Im doing anyway, everyday seems to be completely different, the way I feel about her can change from loving her more than anything in the world to hating her guts in a matter of seconds. If you feel like crying then cry, if your angry then be angry, if you miss him then thats okay too, you cant help the way you feel. Just try to do things to take your mind off it and dont contact him, in my opinion they are the two key things that you need to do to heal. I also find it helps to keep some sort of diary or just vent it all out on here. Link to comment
ChellyV Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 the pain will go, just have the desire to release it. the ambush attacks of missing and painful crying is normal. it is part of grieving and healing specially if a third person was involved in the break up. believe in yourself and you will be able to get through this. try journaling or reading, or immerse yourself with a new activity. before you know it, the pain is gone completely. just stay hopeful. Link to comment
Daev Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Hi there pinksocks. It has only been a week so give yourself some time. You feel anxious because you have just experienced a lot of change, and you are readjusting. Before you know it, you will be doing things for yourself and becoming all independent again. He wasn't your soulmate, don't keep thinking that as it will only keep you stuck where you are. He lied to you for months, and then abandoned you in the cruellest of ways. When you start accepting those facts you will be able to move forward. He made a choice - and now you need to make one - do you stay miserable and upset or do you fight back at getting your life and independence back? The choice really is yours. The reason you haven't moved forward is because you are still clinging on to some hope. You spent 4 years with this person, of course you will think about him daily, this is OK, and normal. Hang in there, keep yourself busy, go see your friends, make a list of all the lies he told you and keep it somewhere safe to remind you as it is quite easy sometimes to forget these bad things and only look to the positives. I hope my post doesn't seem too harsh, it really isn't meant to be, but my points are the bottom line. Link to comment
John3572 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 I'm not making excuses for him but I too have had an affair. Sometimes they are so strong in the beginning that you are willing to leave your girlfriend of any amount of time to be with that person. You don't necessarily love that person, although you think you do. The new relationship is exciting, the new person can't keep their hands off of you and they make you feel like new money. However, when that affair ends you will realize that your head was in a fog and you screwed up. Some people are too proud to admit it to you so you'll never know. You should continue with NC. Link to comment
KYRiverGrl Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 You will eventually get over him, and it takes time. It is hard to say how long, but it will happen. I agree with staying busy w/other things, also taking care of yourself, vent on here. Talk to friends about it too .. friends are friends for a reason Don't keep the emotions bottled in -- let them out constructively. If you have to cry and you're in a public place, go to the bathroom and let it out. If you're angry, scream in your pillow. If you feel hate, take it out in the gym (punching bags are great for this!) Writing is another great way to let it out. If you have not already, start a journal. That has helped me tremendously. The same thing happened to me by the way, and my ex and I were together for 11 years. It sucks, but it happens, and sooner or later you'll find out it happened for a reason. NC is your best friend now. Link to comment
pinksocks Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 Thank you all for your replies. I really mean that! I didn't think I would get any as my story is quite standard I guess, but I came to check today as he text me to ask if we can chat? I haven't replied and it has now been a week since no contact to him, have been strong enough to reply to a couple of his texts over the weekend. I didn't know what to do about this one as he didn't say what exactly he wanted to talk about and your replies have helped me to make the decision not to reply to it and maintain no contact. I am standing by the quote... Do what you have always done and you will get what you have always got. (or somet like that) I have to say, I am starting to feel better already. I know I have up days and down days but in the past I would have jumped at that opportunity to text him back. And I am finding that I am thinking of him less and less each day! I know I have a long way to go and I can wake up any day feeling bad and missing him but for today I am ok and that is definitely a bonus. Thank you all and I will take the advice to vent here on the bad days! *hugs to you all * xx Link to comment
pinksocks Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 Thank you all for your replies. I really mean that! I didn't think I would get any as my story is quite standard I guess, but I came to check today as he text me to ask if we can chat? I haven't replied and it has now been a week since no contact to him, have been strong enough to reply to a couple of his texts over the weekend. I didn't know what to do about this one as he didn't say what exactly he wanted to talk about and your replies have helped me to make the decision not to reply to it and maintain no contact. I am standing by the quote... Do what you have always done and you will get what you have always got. (or somet like that) I have to say, I am starting to feel better already. I know I have up days and down days but in the past I would have jumped at that opportunity to text him back. And I am finding that I am thinking of him less and less each day! I know I have a long way to go and I can wake up any day feeling bad and missing him but for today I am ok and that is definitely a bonus. Thank you all and I will take the advice to vent here on the bad days! *hugs to you all * xx Link to comment
shortest_straw90 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I haven't replied and it has now been a week since no contact to him, have been strong enough to reply to a couple of his texts over the weekend. I take it you mean youve been strong enough to NOT reply? Its good that your feeling better about everything, hopefully it can only keep getting better. Link to comment
pinksocks Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 yes *chuckles* I mean didn't reply!! Hope I can keep it up! Am really sad yet more postitive since not talking to him, I know if I did nothing would change except I would feel worse for thinking talking to him would change things!! Link to comment
pinksocks Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 Thank you bunghole, will try too! Link to comment
shortest_straw90 Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Your doing great pinksocks. But if you ever feel down or a little weak you musnt cave in, whatever you do dont contact him. The reason I say this is because in my case I did give in when she text me and trust me it makes everything so much more painful. You sound like youve got everything under control though. Link to comment
pinksocks Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 I miss him today I don't know why, is just one of thoses days I guess. He text me a couple of times this week which I ignored but today have been thinking about him a lot!! Hope this feeling passes quickly.... It's hard Link to comment
pinksocks Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 I broke my no contact this week after he sent me a few texts. I really regret it and feel it has set me right back. I really need to get back on track and not text him again even if he keeps texting me again. He is playing with me, I know that. Wish I had been stronger cos now am feeling down in the dumps again Link to comment
pinksocks Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 just feel relly alone t the moment Link to comment
KYRiverGrl Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I felt horrible after breaking NC the other day. It is so hard, isn't it? But I read the threads of people who sticked to NC and they do start to feel better. I miss my ex horribly as well. I know he's not coming back but I keep on having those background hopes that he'll swear his undying love to me. Hah, yeah right. Know that you're not alone in this ... stay strong and it'll get better Link to comment
pinksocks Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 Thank you I'm the same, keep hoping he will contact me and say how much he loves me and misses me. He does text me and say random things but nothing I want him to say.He said his new GF is prettier than me, more intelligent than me and better in bed, so is not much chance he is going to swear his undying love to me is there, good luck to you though!!!! It's so bloody hard. Am sick of missing him. Is not like I even want to be with him any more, I just miss having him around. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 He said his new GF is prettier than me, more intelligent than me and better in bed... Why do you want this guy? He has no respect for you at all and you should ignore ALL contact from him. You should realize your own value, and realize that no man of character, regardless of the breakup would EVER EVER say these kinds of things. He is awful. Walk away and never look back. Link to comment
Mellie Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 i gave it 60 days of NC, and things are looking so much better, stick with it, be strong and things will look up I did exactly the same thing and can't recommend it highly enough. If you buy yourself a decent amount of time before they're allowed to come back and give you a prod (and 9 out of 10 times they seem to), you're much better able to deal with it if they do re-emerge. In the interim, read around here what to expect when they resurface (breadcrumbs). It's text book behaviour they almost all seem to follow (hard as it may be for me to reconcile that because whenever I've been a dumper, I always leave my exes well alone). With a period of absence you begin to disassociate yourself from the situation. Now when I get an email from my ex, my heart doesn't skip a beat. It doesn't hurt either. To tell you the truth, I'm pretty unfazed. I've almost come to see it as some kind of social experiment I'm spectating. I still love the guy I was with and I'm glad he was a part of my life, but the one who sends me occasional emails now? He's a bit of a mystery to me. I don't get him anymore and don't waste too much time trying to. Link to comment
pinksocks Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 I broke nc once again and it was horrible again On the good side I said goodbye and he told me I know as well as he does that this is not the end.... so now I'm on a mission to never contact him again. Has been 24 hours but I had a dream about him and it has made me feel sick Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Aww, pinksocks. Delete his contact info. Really you have to commit to not contacting him again. He says he knows it's not the end because he knows that he has you under his thumb. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I broke nc once again and it was horrible again On the good side I said goodbye and he told me I know as well as he does that this is not the end.... so now I'm on a mission to never contact him again. Has been 24 hours but I had a dream about him and it has made me feel sick Oh really? So what's he's basically saying is "I'm having fun over here with her, but I'll be back". Yeah ok. I hope you don't let him back in the front door after such an arrogant statement from him. Link to comment
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