Meeting with ex tomorrow

[Sunflowergurl]

I am meeting up with the ex tomorrow. Last weekend he said that he still needs space and doesn't want to talk to me every day. He isn't mad or anything, he just isn't there yet. Just because we are meeting up tomorrow doesn't mean he still doesn't need space.

 

So, I don't have any expectations for tomorrow. I did tell him that I understand and if we are to work things out, then we have to start somewhere.

 

I still hold out hope. I don't want to read too much into this...

[mhowe]

Read nothing into it. If someone asks for space, they don't mean a week. Were you the one who set up the get together? If so, call/text and say something came up ---- it is way to soon to see each other. Nothing good will come of it.

[DylanNotorious]

What are you meeting to talk about?

[Madison12]

If a man asks me for space, he'll get all the space in the entire world. In fact, I'd disappear if I were you. "I need space" really is just code for "I'm losing feelings for you and don't want to see you all the time". Make yourself scarce, hun.

[mhowe]

If a man asks me for space, he'll get all the space in the entire world. In fact, I'd disappear if I were you. "I need space" really is just code for "I'm losing feelings for you and don't want to see you all the time". Make yourself scarce, hun.

 

Not necessarily true, but I'm getting so tired of swimming against the current around here, I guess I'll just pass.

[sidehop]

You really need to let him go and allow both of you to really think about the situation without any communication. I can only imagine what it's like losing a seven year plus relationship but having LC for nine months is too long to have any sort of positive outcome. If it was meant to be and you two could've worked it out, it would've happened. But don't keep hoping or allowing yourself to be hurt further when he cannot clearly give you any clear answer.

[raton44]

You really need to let him go and allow both of you to really think about the situation without any communication. I can only imagine what it's like losing a seven year plus relationship but having LC for nine months is too long to have any sort of positive outcome. If it was meant to be and you two could've worked it out, it would've happened. But don't keep hoping or allowing yourself to be hurt further when he cannot clearly give you any clear answer.

I agree...that's a really long time. I would just stop the contact and let go fully. Who knows what will happen down the road in both of your lives...but it just seems to me that something would've happened by now. I know you said you were still having anger issues during your LC, but that may have done a lot of damage since even after you were broken up you STILL got angry with him. This may have been due to a medical condition, but he must have resentments from being hurt by you and they haven't faded yet. Only time AWAY from you completely will let resentments fade.

[Madison12]

mhowe - maybe not in your experience, but my own life experience has taught me that it is. Any time a guy asked me for space it led to a break-up.

[mhowe]

that's why I took the pass --- gonna take a break from the site for a while.

[raton44]

that's why I took the pass --- gonna take a break from the site for a while.

 

I think it's difficult bc everyone's situations are different. Only WE know our exes and NO ONE else. People give advice based upon their own experience and even I havn't taken all of the advice I've been given. Maybe I've made some mistakes, but I think we all need to do what feels right for US, not our EX. They left us and only they can decide to come back. Us constantly sticking around is probably not going to help that. But, I understand where you're coming from, especially with your situation and your guy.

[DylanNotorious]

that's why I took the pass --- gonna take a break from the site for a while.

 

I don't think you need to do that, your advice is pretty good!

[mhowe]

I feel like I say the same thing, time and time again. Generally, to no avail.

 

People make choices, based on their information, feelings, what have you. They are their own choices. Faced with a similar situation, you might react differently. The only thing you can do, when someone breaks up with you, is accept that it is their choice. Not yours.

 

Nothing you say or do, will change their mind. So, I agree --- if someone asks for space, give it to them. But asking for space, if the asker is being honest, is what they want. If they are being dishonest, that's a whole nother story. Because if they wanted to break up, that's what they should do.

 

So --- the only choice is to get on with your life. Easier said than done, I know. BTDT.

[Eocsor]

Someone asking for space can mean a whole host of different things. Some people really need the time without the pressures a relationship brings to sort out their life. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't ever want to be with you again.

 

So be patient and strong. You will now soon enough whether there is hope or not. But if you actually love the guy, you owe it to yourself to see how it plays out. Good Luck.

[Sunflowergurl]

I have given him space. I haven't seen him since Labor Day weekend. This is a getting back together board, correct? Just very surprised at the negative responses and people telling me it would have happened already. Doesn't it have to start somewhere? He wants to see me. He isn't ready for it to go back into full relationship mode. He wants to ease into it. So do I. I told him I cannot go back to what we had before.

 

And yes, I did have some anger issues during our break up. I just recently thanked him for needing space because it gave me time to work on my issues.

 

I guess I will just take it day by day on my own with a positive attitude.

[Eocsor]

I have given him space. I haven't seen him since Labor Day weekend. This is a getting back together board, correct? Just very surprised at the negative responses and people telling me it would have happened already. Doesn't it have to start somewhere? He wants to see me. He isn't ready for it to go back into full relationship mode. He wants to ease into it. So do I. I told him I cannot go back to what we had before.

 

And yes, I did have some anger issues during our break up. I just recently thanked him for needing space because it gave me time to work on my issues.

 

I guess I will just take it day by day on my own with a positive attitude.

 

Well yes it is the getting back together board but unfortunately the vaste majority of cases you see here really don't stand a hope in hell.

 

Your case on the other hand seems to have some promise. So keep on doing what you are doing and hopefully you'll get your happy ending.

 

And really, at the end of the day you should ALWAYS follow your heart even if a million people are yelling at you to do something else. Only you have to live with yourself at the end of the day, not we people here on the forums.

[Angler]

Not necessarily true, but I'm getting so tired of swimming against the current around here, I guess I'll just pass.

 

Swim against the current all you want.

 

Of all the hundreds (thousands?) of people who post here wanting to get back with their ex, you're one of the few success stories; people should be swimming with you!

 

Good advice often falls on unreceptive ears, because people want to be told what they want to hear, not necessarily what they need to hear.

[Jim Wormold]

Swim against the current all you want.

 

Of all the hundreds (thousands?) of people who post here wanting to get back with their ex, you're one of the few success stories; people should be swimming with you!

 

Good advice often falls on unreceptive ears, because people want to be told what they want to hear, not necessarily what they need to hear.

 

I second that. Have often liked your (mhowe) advice to others.

[Sunflowergurl]

Why are we meeting? He is a veteran. Tomorrow is important to him.

 

He told me just to give him the time he needs and he would reach out to me. I told him that I would wait but not forever. He replied that he wasn't asking me to wait forever.

[raton44]

well...labor day weekend was a while ago. For some reason it seemed like, from your story, that you've been in a lot of contact with him...but maybe that's not the case. Maybe he really just does need space. I agree with Mhowe...if someone is honest and that's really what they need, then just give it to them. But you too agreed to meet up so you should go and see how it pans out. It's really hard to know what to do in these situations.

 

I would def go meet up with him and then allow him to come to you after that. None of the cold hard NC stuff. But see if he will initiate with you in the future. That's my advice, but I'm no expert! I'm in my own dilemma with a similar situation...so who the heck knows!?

[Sunflowergurl]

Update:

We did get together on Friday and had a good time. He came to my house (which he never used to do). When he left I walked him out and he pulled me in for a hug. I was a little taken back. The hug was not just a friend hug -- it was tighter and longer than a friendly hug. Maybe it's a start.