Should I or shouldn't I?

[vwalker11]

Recently I've been writing a long letter to get out all of my emotions concerning my recent breakup. And I was talking to my roommates and they suggested I should burn it and throw it away once I'm finished. (Kind of an "out with the old and in the the new" mentality thing.) But recently I've been thinking about sending him this letter. And even though I know he doesn't deserve even the slightest attention from me considering how we end, I still feel like I should. I don't know...

 

What do you guys think?

Honest thoughts appreciated.

[LSgirl]

I would keep it to yourself. Write as much as you want, re-read it, then throw it away. Everyday you will feel like writing a new letter as new feelings/emotions come into play. Just write it out as a journal and it'll make you feel better. You'll feel worse if you send it his way and you don't get a response.

[vwalker11]

That's true. But the only thing that keeps nagging me is that I feel like if I send it, atleast I would have gotten it off my chest to him. For closure I guess. Everyone around me keeps telling me to keep it to myself. But I just don't know. We kind of ended on bad terms and there was a lot of things I never got to communicate properly.

[Keyman]

What would you be trying to achieve in sending it to him. Letting him know how you feel, letting him know what could have been done better etc etc Why? Like you say, why does he need to know?

 

The objective of this kind of letter is to clear your own mind of it.

 

Closure is not something you seek from the other person, it is something you determine in yourself. Sending this kind of letter could open up more questions, could make him think worse of you or could just be plain abusive. Best thing. When you are happy with it, burn it and walk away from the emotions.

[LSgirl]

I understand how you feel. So many times I wanted to write him an actual letter and send it in the mail but I'm glad I didn't. Most people on here who have written a letter to their ex regretted it. If you're okay with not getting a response, or a response you don't like, then I hope you're really ready to re-open the wound. It's usually best to move on, not to hide your emotions, but to work through them yourself. Writing things out is liberating, and it'll help you to go back and see how far you've come in your healing. It's so tempting to let them know how you feel, but if he broke up with you (as did mine) it's best to not contact them. If in a few months or when you feel like your emotions or his lack of response would not affect you, then maybe you can send it just to get it out there, but while you're healing, maybe it's best to write a letter to yourself.

[vwalker11]

I understand where you're coming from. And to be honest with myself, I know I'n not ready to re-open anything from that situation considering the fact that I'm even thinking about contacting him. It just hurts. And to answer your question as to why I would even consider sending the letter, I honestly feel like it maybe for the slightest reason that things could go back to the way they were. But then again, everything happens for a reason. It just sucks because I did the best I could do by him. Even though we're both young and in college, I feel like I did what I felt was right as far as a girlfriend is concerned. And seeing as how I still hold resentment and anger towards him for the way he treated me, I feel like if I send the letter after all this time of no contact (almost 2 months since I last talked to him) maybe he'd catch a clue. Sounds stupid but that's how I feel.

[vwalker11]

And how would it be abusive?

[vwalker11]

Can I get some more insight on this please?

[Keyman]

(Sorry, went to lunch)

Often, when there is built up anger and resentment a letter that starts out seemingly harmless can turn into a fountain of abusive statements and the like.

 

Then put this anger and resentment down into the letter and burn it so it is removed from you.

 

Should you send this letter, maybe he might catch a clue, but more often than not it will be seen in the negative. He might share it around with his friends and laugh. He might see it as an attempt to drag him back or a means to get to him in some way.

 

Close the door to that relationship in your mind and move on from the memories. That is the only closure you need.

[vwalker11]

Thanks. I needed to hear that. And that's what I'm afraid of. Growing up, I've always been taught to tell the truth about how you feel. Otherwise, how will anybody know? I wear my heart on my sleeve and maybe that's why it's still a bittersweet situation for me. Part of me wants to send it, but another part of me doesn't want to knock myself back 10 steps from the healing process.