hardest time of my life

[funlovingguy]

So, my girlfriend broke up with me about 5 months ago. It hardly seems like it's been that long. I wouldn't say the breakup was exactly mutual. She never really gave me a reason why other than she didn't know what she wanted, and obviously she didn't want me. It hit me harder than I ever expected, and at first I thought that just giving her space was the best thing. But she never came back. We're both in college, and I am a couple years older than she is. Maybe that doesn't have much to do with it, but at this point when she never gave me a reason I have to guess. Well, this breakup really crumbled my life. It seemed like everything just kind of fell apart and I am still in the process of picking up the pieces.

 

I guess I'm left trying to figure out what feelings I had for her. She was my first love, and if what I felt isn't love, I don't know what is. But after she broke up with me, I found it hard not to contact her or to try to see her. and just a couple weeks ago, I found out she is dating someone new, which really felt like another punch to the stomach. Well, a couple nights ago, I just could not get to bed, and so I decided to go for a drive to maybe get my mind off of things, and well stupid me, I couldn't help it I drove by her house. I dont' know what made me do it, and to make matters worse, as I was on my way home right by her house she drove by, and I'm sure saw me. Now this is like at 4:00 in the morning, and so I don't know what she thinks of me now. She probably thinks I am a stalker or something, but I feel so horrible. That night made me realize I need to do something and really work to get over her.

 

I just can't believe that I would do something like that. I don't even know what driving by her house would accomplish for me. And I'm really scared that she might tell her friends which are also my close friends and my life will just get messed up even more. I guess the one thing that night did for me was made me realize that I went too far, and that I was not doing the right things to get over her. Oh how I wish I could take back some of the things I did, but I guess it's a learning experience.

 

I guess I'm trying this forum to hear from other people, and as a way to try to get over her. It hurts me so much to think of what she thinks of me now, that I am a sad loser who can't get over our relationship, and I'm forced to drive by her house late a night to make sure she's there. I don't want to be that guy anymore. I want to get better, and change for the better, and maybe I'll find some answers here. I don't know if I can ever fix things but I just don't want to feel this way anymore.

[evepm]

Dear funlovingguy:

 

If you haven't implement no contact with her, you need to. It's good place to start. 5 months isn't all that long so it's natural for you to still be feeling hurt but it's up to you to decided how long your going to allow yourself to feel that way.

 

I suggest that you do things that you like to do that have no association with her. Also, surround yourself with positive people who care about you.

 

As far as driving past her house, is there any way for you to pass it of like you were out and own your way home. I'm glad that you recognized that your behaviors were counter productive to healing. You will heal from this and it seems like you're motivated to do so by what you've said.

 

Take Care,

Eve

[uj2004]

I know how you are feeling.....I have been trying to get over someone for 2 months now, and it's almost back at square one. Every day I wake up and she is the first thing on my mind. That's been the case the whole 2 months. I have no advice on how to get over it, unfortunately. I am still as messed up about it now as I was back then. The worst part is thinking that you are wasting all this time thinking about them, and they have completely moved on, some time ago. You want them to feel guilty for having done this to you, and you want to hate them for doing it to you. I can go from hating her to pining for her in the same hour....it's crazy.

 

So, I have no advice, but I can assure you I know what it feels like.

[mana]

I really feel for you but don't beat yourself up. You sound an on to it person who is going through a painful time. We all do dopey things when feeling low and vulnerable and sometimes we get caught. Who cares if she saw you. You know youre not a crazy stalker just someone going through a crazy time.

Be kind to yourself and good luck.

[bravegirl04]

I totally understand how you feel. I am in the exact same situation and it hurts like hell. I would love nothing more than to just move on and act like him talking to other girls doesn't bother me. But it does and it hurts. Especially when we go to the same college with only 1,600 students and he lives on the floor right below mine i cant get away from it even if i tried. But honestly tho, try talking to her. Cuz theres no point of trying if shes over you. It's such a hard situation and it hurts whatever you decide to do. So just talk to her and ask her if there is a future for you two. You've got to tell her exactly how you feel. I am still contemplating if i wanna talk to my ex or not because i don't want to pressure him into being with me if he isnt ready but at the same time i can't do this anymore. Good luck and i want to know how it goes.

[funlovingguy]

I am glad to see others out there who feel my position. Although not glad at the same time, cuz this kind of situation really sucks!! My situation has just gotten worse, as she now has a new boyfriend whom I've met, and dangit, he seems like a really nice guy, and as much as it hurts to say, I am pretty sure that things will never be the same. I guess another thing that has made this hard is the fact that she was my first real girlfriend who I fell in love with. I lost my virginity to her, and I have no regrets about it. But knowing, or I guess not knowing what her and her new boyfriend are up to just really eats at me.

 

Some of my buddies just tell me "just go down to the bar, get a girl drunk and take her home." And I reply with a "oh, yeah, I should do that" But that's not really what I'm about. Call me old fashioned, but I am more of a "get to know you more than just one night" kinda guy.

 

I am really going off on some tangents here, but if you don't mind reading, continue on. I can look back on many things I did in our relationship that I won't do in the next one, but I hate saying that cuz if I would have done them differently I might still be with her. One situation that is really weird now is that this guy friend of her new boyfriend is my neighbor, and over the summer, we became really good friends, my neighbor that is. And so my ex and her new guy will hang out a lot with my neighbor and his gf and I can't help but feel like I made friends with this guy a little too late.

 

K, if any of you are still reading, thank you....Yet another thing weighing on my mind is that of how important is the family situation of the person you are dating? My ex had the most awesome family, and I really enjoyed there company. However, sometimes I felt like I was lacking in the family dept. Having sort of a weird childhood, divorce, dad dying, dad having trouble with alcohol, etc..... I felt a little different than her. But I never felt like it was an issue. So basically it is my mom, sis and I, plus a lot of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.....But my mom sometimes sucks at being a parent, and sometimes I can't believe that I turned out the way I did. Maybe I was adopted...(joke, cuz this is getting sooooo long). She never said anything about it, but I could see how maybe she wouldn't look up to my mom the way I looked up to and admired her parents. I guess the point of all this is that it felt like we had some kind of connection, but because of my family situation, she didn't see a life with me.

 

Well, closing for now, hope to hear some replies, if not advice, maybe just more thoughts....your thoughts help a lot too.

[bravegirl04]

Man i totally feel you and it is such a hard situation. Since i totally know what you're going through you have gotta talk to her. Just because she has another boyfriend doesn't mean it's the end. Who knows, maybe she's going out with this other dude because she doesn't think you want her anymore. So what harm can talking to her do?

[uj2004]

Problem is, once another guy is involved, the time she once had for you is gone. I think that is the hardest thing with the 'being friends' thing. Where in the past, they would tell you all about what was happening in their life, now all those stories are told to the other guy, and you just get whatever is left over that they feel like telling you. That part hurts most, knowing all the attention you once got is now shifted to someone else. For me, anyway.