tujna Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 OK, this will be a crazy story but please bear with me. I think I love an ex-date/and a friend of mine. The problem is that he is so selfish, so self-absorbed and so independent that does not seem to be able to ever commit. He gets bored with people and he moves on to the next person. We dated for 3-4 months but he ended it when things were going great, with no apparent reason. It turned out he was seeing another girl in the meanwhile as well. Somehow, I guess because he was not able to give me a relationship, we started becoming close friends but he was always very alert to not cross the line sexually. During the last year, I have seen him with at least 30 girls but he would never again be with me. He would just be with someone random during the night and then would spend the whole weekend with me, talking, spending time together. I dealt with the situation as best as I could, given that I have feelings. One day, I asked him point blank if he only now saw me as a friend and he said "yes." He did not want a relationship or marriage any time soon - even though he is past 30. As hard as that was, I accepted it. So many girls came and left, we had a lot of ups and downs but somehow managed to keep the friendship. Recently, I became very mad with him because he got with a girl who is from our circle. I am fine with him doing whatever he wants but not with people close to both of us. He crossed the line. This time I really tried to end the relationship but, again, was not able to. He does not stop seeking me, giving me attention, etc. Tensions have been building so much and finally, it was unstoppable. There is just very strong attraction between us and, for first time after more than a year, we were together. I told him I love him in some way and he said that he loves me too, without even thinking about it. It is the first time ever he has said something like that. I told him that I knew. He told me he likes to hunt for girls, etc. I told him I knew. Of course, I knew that this happiness would come with a price and, several days later, he was again with this other girl. I sent him a message telling him that nothing means anything for him. He replied that a lot of things mean a lot to him (go figure what that means). This was the first time we have spoken about feelings. I am really confused. I know that this is not healthy, I know this is a crazy pattern. I just seem to be unable to stop having feelings for him. I know he loves me in his own way (as much as he can love). But, he is addicted to having attention from more than one girl at a time. He cannot live life without drama and I am a major participant in it. He is feeding off of that while keeping my honest friendship, no matter how many time he has hurt me. I guess I am not looking so much for advice of what to do but more insight from people who have experience with that type of personality. I know everyone will say to ignore him but somehow I always let him back in. We are in a shaky period again and I am not sure I will be able to keep the friendship right now - I just want to have more of him and he will not give it. Is this type of person capable on feeling real love or changing? Link to comment
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