Girlfriend's Self-Confidence

[ljpearso]

Background: My girlfriend and I have been dating for just about three months now, but several (I'm not sure on the exact date) months ago she had to break off an engagement with a guy she'd been with on and off for 3 years. I'm not exactly when along the timeline this happened, but she was prescribed an antidepressant that caused her to gain a lot of weight in a short period of time. Last night she kind of broke down...we'd taken those cute little photobooth pictures together and she was convinced she looked like a man...and then her mom had to go and tell her something along the lines of "we all love you and think you're beautiful, you just need a different hair cut." All of that triggered a lot for her. I was thankful that she was able to tell me a lot about what she was feeling when we went to my house later, but I was pretty damn useless. I decided to put this in with the GLBT threads because I feel this issue is further complicated by the fact that we're both women and I think she compares herself to me physically. And even further complicated by the fact that I used to be dangerously anorexic/bulemic, so I know exactly how awful and powerful all the "ED thoughts" are.

 

What I want to know is: How can I convince her how beautiful and perfect she is right now? She's obviously not happy with her appearance and has expressed a desire to change. I told her I would start doing yoga with her, because yoga is as much of a mindfulness exercise as it is a physical one. However, it's also sort of triggering to me to give her the guidance she's asking me for. I also wish there was a way I could tell her to stop listening to her mom's comments on her physical appearance without sounding disrespectful to her mom.

[Mesemene]

Not sure if it would help or not - but maybe leave a post-it where she'll find it at the beginning of each day, just saying something you find particularly sexy, beautiful, or attractive about her. Don't overwhelm her with compliments - but sometimes, the little things stick with you.

 

*cough* I actually had a rather illuminating talk with my husband the other day - one of the things about myself I always thought of as a "least attractive" thing - was something he thought was particularly pleasing and hot! I was sincerely shocked! I've always been a bit self-conscious of my butt, because to me, it looked like a "boy's butt" and not feminine at all - and he thinks it's perfectly shaped. To the point of waxing poetic about it O_O

 

Just a small thing - but shows that sometimes things we think are less than ideal - might be something our partners absolutely go nuts for.