holding on...

[remster]

Ok, ive been on here almost two months now, its also the same time since my ex 'text' broke up with me. Ive not spoken to her at all on phone, or seen her or anything, everything since has been over text, and its been more me trying to get her to talk to me, give me anwers etc etc.

 

I went through quite a hard time this weekend, she asked me to go up and get my stuff as she is moving out. I know the landlord very well and arranged for my stuff just to be left and ill collect it next weekend. unfortunately this has really hit me, because part of me wanted to go get it so i could see her again. With me having feelings still i didnt want to. Now i feel like i have blown everything.

 

We were so close, but it was a long distance relationship and i would see her every weekend, we were together 9 months and it has been the most amazing time of my life. We were connected like noting before, same dreams, plans, even little things and silly things we did together. It all went wrong when she wanted a bit of time, i paniced and didnt really give it to her.

 

Im now so torn up its unbearable, i have job options now which will take me back to her town, but i just dont know what to do anymore.

I dont know now where she lives, i know where her parents are, and its actually her birthday in a couple of weeks, i want to drop the stuff i have of hers off and also drop a card off at her parents, is this advisable?

 

I know we all meet people and it doesnt work out, but what do you do when in your heart you know she was the one but through a couple of miss understandings she is now gone. I would have given anything to be with her but she has just blanked me and cut me from her life. Everyone has told me to let go, but in my heart i just know it was never supposed to be like this.

 

I want to send her a text to ask if we are over or not, then i might be able to just accept and move on, at moment im still stuck here in hope, no closure. What would anyone recommend to me at moment?

 

Im being strong and trying to get on, but without the proper closure its just so hard. To tell me its over on text is just so low, i know she is so stressed at moment with work and everything she has on, i keep holding onto that.

[twistedfate]

I know right now the text, meetup, or dropping the birthday gifts off sounds like a good idea, but really it's going to set you back. It sounds to me like she's through with the relationship, as hard as it is to stomach, and doing such things would either tick her off or make her ignore you even more. Then you're left wondering if she got the text, or how she felt seeing you, or does she like the gift? And I can tell you from my experience, it's not worth it. It tears you up even more and you find yourself trying to figure out how it went from bliss to hell in such an instant.

 

I didn't heed the advice of some of the ENA'ers who had been there. I did NIC with my ex after he left me for someone else. I thought just short, little replies to his emails wouldn't tear me up... especially because I didn't initiate the contact. It tore me up inside and made me question everything. I still do, even though I haven't received an email from him in a month and a half.

 

I think the best thing to do is to assume that it's over and move forward. Concentrate on YOU. If taking a job that happens to be near her is best for you, do it. But don't take the job there because you hope it will help things. Chances are, seeing her will make it harder. Take the job if it's a good opportunity or best for you financially.

 

I know this is hard, but it's best to start focusing on YOU.

[remster]

Thank you for your reply, i feel just so lost at moment. Ive got options coming up which we both wanted. I know i need to do it for me now, but with her not properly giving me anything im still stuck in there. Im letting the options unfold for themselves for the next couple of weeks.

 

As you say going from bliss to hell is the hardest thing ever, usually you get a gut instinct but in this case was nothing, my confidence and trust is so hit right now (i wounder now if ill be able to trust again, and always putting the defeances on myself). Its been nearly two months and i still feel like day one. I am getting better, but i constantly get the gut felling and racing heart.

 

Part of me wants to swich off, i know i should because i could never trust her not to put me through this again, but why wont my heart switch off. I have so many feeling going crazy inside me.

 

I wounder about not bothing at all with her brithday, as you say she will just ignore me, then ill feel stupid for making an attempt. Maybe if i dont it will make her realise im done too, but then im after hope again. Either way its so hard.

[foolmeonce]

As you say going from bliss to hell is the hardest thing ever, usually you get a gut instinct but in this case was nothing

 

I hate to upset you more but it sounds like she may have met someone else? Otherwise Im sure there woud have been some sort of sign. Stay strong & if there were any downfalls to the relationship, try to focus on them. Its helped me a bit. I definitely wouldnt do anything for her bday or see her....it will set you waaay back. Maybe down the line when it doesnt hurt so much u can ask her for closure but right now I would just step back and try to let yourself heel.

[remster]

I hate to upset you more but it sounds like she may have met someone else?

 

Its funny your not the only person to have said that to me, ive just been choosing not to accept it. Thats the biggest problem, there was no downfalls with the relationship, the only one was distance, but i used to travel to her every weekend, and we would make such a good weekend of hanging out and doing everything we could. I would be travelling back to work on Monday morning and she would text thank you for another brill weekend, then we would be on phone every evening for the week, talking for up to an hour, counting down sleeps till the friday night again.

I would rather her tell me now, then i have my closure and get on with my life without thinking about her again, but i was so into her, gave it my all only to have it thrown back at me. Why can people just turn on you like this... Im normally a good charactor reader, but she broke down my barrior this time.

[remster]

Hi guys,

 

A little bit of an update, i basically text her yesterday to be honest to me and tell me whats going on (i know i shouldnt) but anyway as expected no response. I also mentioned that im up this weekend to collect my stuff from her house which she has now moved out of. I also said i am working up in the area all week (she knows i am looking at work there).

Anyway i thought to myself, well thats it now, i probably wont her from her again, i completely switch off today, when she came into my mind and i just quicky thought of something else, it made me better and happy. I thought i told her the last things i really needed to, its all up to her now, i cant do anything else.

 

Then out of the blue i got a text from her, it basically said, she hasnt ment to ignore me, but has been so busy with the move and everything going on at moment. She went on to say she was prepared to meet me last saturday but i decided not to go and collect my stuff. She said i didnt know you were going to be up this weekend, and then asked when am i moving back up here, and how have you been?

 

So now what, i have not replyed yet. Im more tempted not to as if she knows im up this weekend ill leave everything in her court. Im more confused now, i was starting to forget and get on with my life. She is asking about when im moving back up north, do you think this is just a genuine question, or does it have a motive? The biggest problem with our relationship was distance.

 

Any advice would be great, as i know you guys are so helpful on here.

[remster]

Well, its all true. I found out yesterday she is seeing someone else, guess the clues were right. I found out completely by accident, she obviously was never going to tell me.

 

The best bit, one i found out, i didnt flip out or go nuts on the texting, i just said:

 

Thank you, hope you have a great life together. You will never hear from me again.

 

She actually responded later on saying that she never cheated, she has only been seeing him for couple weeks and its an 'old' friend. She then went into how she had a car accident and that she flipped her car. Then finished with sorry.

 

Im guessing she only told me about the car accident to get a reaction out of me. I have not replyed and have no intention of now, ive thrown everything out that she got me, deleted her off facebook. I actually feel like a weight has been taken off my shoulders, ive been through the bulk of the pain.

 

Just really a knock to my trust in anyone now!

[butterflyburn]

Leave her and move on. How sad of course she was cheating but its ok, just let her be

[remster]

This has been a very difficult week, i almost went back to square one. But i stopped myself and am now picking up and getting on with it. Im shocked how someone can be like this, but i guess everyone is sent to try us.

Its her birthday on Monday, im not even sending a text, she does not deserve any of my attention anymore.

[Aleina2011]

Remster

 

I am really sorry to hear what you are going through. You must be strong. Keep posting here if it helps you. Let all your feelings out on here but do not contact her.

[remster]

Today has been very difficult, its her birthday today, i had some really nice plans i was making for her back in September, now they are gone....

 

Ive resisted just to not contact her at all and wish happy birthday, the fact that i know i will not get a reply is enough for me to not even put myself through that.

Why does this have to be so difficult, why can i not just start to erase her like she so has me...