I was her rebound

[Roughriders]

Looking for some advice here.

I was with this girl for only 3-4 months however we had a really good start to the relationship. Good times, lots of laughs and well you know how the start to relationships goes. Anyway, the honeymoon stage wore off and things started to get sour and at that time I was thinking it was only a matter of time before this ends. During our relationship, I always told her to be a straight shooter and talk if there is a problem. Well, she didnt do that in the latter part of the relation and this past week, she basically said that I was her rebound. I told her that I understand that she needs the space and what no to figure herseld out but I realize tht I miss her. What is the advise you may have? I am in NC but is it worth the effort to perhaps try and get her back? and if that is the case, how?

[ChellyV]

too early to think on getting her back, roughrider. you do need space too, without even realizing it. will you be accepting to be her rebound? although a lot of rebounds that i know do work, with a lot of effort and trust from both sides.

 

i think i was a rebound of the last ex. and it took two years for me to shake the reality off my heart and now i think i am better off without the ex. now this is me. in those two years, we broke up 3x with 3 nc months in between. all down the drain in the end. and i am too tired to even cheat myself into believing i can be that someone whose shoes i was filling in.

 

try to keep yourself busy. what you are in is a normal post BU reaction. it isnt necessarily wanting her back. clear your mind and heart, then make a move.

[TheLizard134]

I understand your predicament. I have been friends with a woman for 8 years, late last year she came after me with reckless abandon. We got together and things were nice, but during the course of the relationship I had come to find out that she had been involved in a long-term affair as the other woman. She ended it just a month before we got together. I was already in deep and had already developed feelings for her. I thought that being a patient caring person would walk her out of her 'bad place'. She was a jealous, insecure monster! I couldn't even go into a restaurant if she wasn't with me. I tried to assure her of my dedication, but she kept raising the bar. She wouldn't communicate her desires and always just said 'you should just know better' and 'we don't think alike', etc.

 

She broke up with me at the 5 month mark, I begged, pleaded and tried to make deals with her. Within the last month I have gone NC and intend on keeping it that way. Unfortunately, she has embarked on a journey that I cannot accompany her on. It is for her to transverse, alone.

 

The best thing that you can do is just disappear, heal, heal and heal. Don't look weak, maybe she will come back, but if she goes back to her ex you need to bail and get away from the situation forever. She will bounce back and forth until she takes the time to heal properly for herself. My ex is healing herself, she has sworn off dating for a year, quit birth control and everything. This has been confirmed through other sources. Will we get back together? Maybe, but it will be a while. Maybe next summer, but I need to heal, she needs to heal.

 

I am NC, but friendly if we run into each other. I don't call, text or email her. I suggest you go the same route. I am nearly four months out of this one and I am still twisted on her. I poured myself into this one cause we fit so good, but I am getting better everyday.

 

You will to.

[Roughriders]

Thanks Chelly.

It was not like she ever suggested that I was her rebound. But maybe I was blinded by the light...

 

So your suggestion is walk I presume?

[Roughriders]

Good read Lizard, and i wish you all the luck.

I will say that there is no chance that she will be getting back with her ex. He did the cheat and is with that person now and there is no way that she will get back togeher with him. I believe that she has to heal and that is what i am letter her do but now the role has pretty much reversed ( or I was dragged into the role) and it really sucks. But that is life and a life lesson learned I guess.

Thanks again

[TheLizard134]

It sucks bad! I knew her for a long and always wondered what it would be like to be with her. She gave me the chance and snatched it away just as quick. I am in love with her, have been for awhile, but I will love her from afar. If it is meant to be then it will be.

 

I have taken this time to be alone, I had come to realize that I have been in some type of committed relationship for the last 27 years!!!! I don't know how to be alone, but I am going to learn!

[ChellyV]

for now i think it is the better thing to do. for if you go back now, wouldnt you live in fear of losing her in your thoughts every waking day? from the sound of your thread, you did try your best and if you know this in your heart, then for now try to heal. NC is the key. this is not an act of revenge ok? it is an act of self healing.

i have done it before with 3 ex's and it worked great on me and i hope it does to you also.

when things have cleared in your head, then calculate your risks in wanting her back, and if those risks you think is worth it.

[Flyingpiglet]

I am in NC but is it worth the effort to perhaps try and get her back? and if that is the case, how?

 

Don't make getting her back your main goal.

I would suggest staying in NC and getting on with your life.

She has either decided she isn't ready for a relationship just yet and now she's realised this, it could be a while before she is.

Or she has realised that she isn't ready/doesn't want a relationship with you right now!

[jsd43953]

Rough Rider.. dont feel bad.. check my story out.. we are treading the same path buddy. keep your head up.. they'll be back just keep living cause time doesnt stop ticking.

 

NC for Rebound guy. Do you think I have a chance?