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Roughriders

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  1. So you are clinging to hope that you will be back together?
  2. So more or less someone is disguising their true feelings even when they say that they still have fellings but can't be in a relationship at this point? Is that accurate to say?
  3. People, what are your experiences/thoughts on being "friends with benefits" after the break up? Is it a good idea? What is/was the outcome in the end when you both still have feelings for each other? Short story of my situation. I want to be with her, she says that she has to work and focus on herself (school, daugher etc). After the BU, we have been together many of times and it seems like we really arent broken up. Talked about the situtation last night and it still remains FWB. I am confused on what to do.
  4. So I would like to know what other people have done in the situation which I am currently in. Here is what the story is: Met a girl on line back in the summer time and we hit it off very well however things started to turn about 3 months into the relationship. The things that were happening always occurred when she had that one too many glasses of wine and she would say something that she did not mean to say. Ie – I was at her place and we had sex, after that, she said nice kind things, she went to the bathroom came back and said that “you should leave”. Not wanting to rock the boat, I did as this had happened on 2 or 3 occasions before and we over came that matter but it occurred again. I was not sure where this was coming from and I am still not 100% sure – perhaps she cant handle her liquor? At the end of the last month, her and I got into an argument which ultimately ended our relationship. The matter occurred when we were out for Halloween. We agreed to go home but when we went to the a place to get a cab, she started freaking out. I don’t know what set her off but something did. She ended up calling some friends and proceed to continue on with her night, without me. The following day, I asked her what happened when we were leaving. She told me that I was getting jealous and that was the reason for her behaving the way she did. I know for a fact that I was not jealous nor showed it and she was assuming that as she didn’t remember. The following week, I asked to talk to her and resolve the matter however she became “too busy”. So fine what ever, I left her alone but still asked to talk every once in a while. Friday, she tells me it is over and tells me that she rushed into this relationship. It turns out that I was her rebound and now she needs time to focus on herself and daughter etc. I didn’t rebut against what she told me, I told her that I understand and respect her position. We never did talk about what plan would be going forward such as the friends thing or don’t talk to me etc so that was left up in the air. The thing here is that I know for a fact that she will not be returning to her ex BF as it was an abusive relationship and he cheated on her. She has not had any communication with this ex other than requesting that he return her belongings and money that he owed her. Plus it was nasty some of the things that he had said to her. So the day that we decided to call it over, I texted her at 4 AM the following day asking for a ride as I was out and drunk. She said that she was in bed, which I expected. I replied to her when I got home just saying that I made it safe and sound. In the morning she texted me saying that she would have picked me up if I needs a ride so I was shocked that she would offer her services. There was little contact on the following day other than arranging for me to come over there to get me belongings and nothing on Sunday until I texted her at night the following: “ I had the day to myself and an opportunity to think about this situation. I think it is best for you and me to break up. I wish you and your family luck in future endeavours. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to be in your life”. She responded “I didn’t say you needed to get out of my life. Its just that we are not right for each other, you and I both know it”. I didn’t respond to that text until this morning stating that I was implying that I am not initiating any contact with her (AKA – No Contact). Now, the reason why I am doing this is because I first of all want her to heal. I also want to get back together with her when she is ready however I am not sure if that is possible given the situation of being her “rebound”. Does that ever happened where the rebound gets back together or is just a lost cause of trying to get back together? Would the friends approach be appropriate (but just say that and go NC)? Advise would be appreciated.
  5. Thanks Angel I know I will have to see her at least one more time in the next 30 day, possibly up to 3 times. The one time that I know I will be seeing her, she will be with her sister and brother-in-law....making things just a bit ackward. It is last of the 3 times that I would be seeing her. I cant control this last time seeing her, but all of us will be summoneds to court.The other 2 times that I may be seeing her is for her to pick up her summons request and other mail that has arrived. Anybody have any suggestion what I should do? I am NC again but I know she will be texting me when she comes back to get the other mail. Do I make contact or avoid her at all costs (She still will get her mail) leaving her with the couriousity floating in her mind as to what I am doing?? When we met for coffee, she asked why I didnt want her to come to my house and if it was because I had a "roommate" or someone I didnt want her to see....Or is this just the ice breaker she is looking for to bring up that she is seeing/dating/sleeping with this clown? Should I ask her if she is with anyone? Any suggestions as to how I should approach the next contact? Until then, NC!
  6. I have read many many pages of this thread and it is all very good. Thank you all. I would like to share my story and see what the board thinks. I have recently split with my, well, ex GF in May. We where together for almost 5 years. Anyway, just to give a little back round. Currently I am 30 and she is 27. Prior to our relationship, she has never been in another relationship longer than 2 or 3 months. I have been in and out of a couple relationships but nothing serious not as long as this most current one. Her and I basically lived together for the whole 5 years. Anyway, we had a typical relationship. We got along fine, had good times and had the fight and/or argument every couple has. April of year she completed her degree and planned a 2 month trip to Australia with her friend in October. Everything was fine up until she emails me 5 days prior to her coming home saying that "we need to talk". When you read that, it usually means someting not good....well it wasn't. She wanted to "do her own thing". I talked her into staying together and contuning our relationship. Fast forward...April of this year, we didnt get along as we did in the past, she was going out more and more with her friends. I didnt mind, I am not the controlling person and I trusted her. I did not have a problem what so ever. Anyway, at the end of April, she wants to break it off. I can't do nothing about it, I let her go. She says that she "needs to do her own thing and wants space" and "doesnt want to get trapped in a relationship that she is unsure about" and "we are not the same type of people". She moved out in a day and went about her business. Of course I was devistated and didnt know what to do. I let her be, LC for the first couple days...UNTIL this. She told me her password to her email etc a while back. I had to have a peak at her email. I found out that she slept with some guy 3 days after we split. That made me so upset and angry I told interigated her about it in the next couple of meetings which we had. This guy was her friends brother as well.(I know it is immature to look at someones email but I was courious to know what she was up to on the weekend). I know that she was not with this guy anytime while we were together bc it would have been in a email somewhere....I have reason believe that they are now dating or what ever you want to call it. Recently, she took him to meet her parents and friends in her home town. It does hurt but I know that 5 years is a long time to forget and move on in 3 days or whatever. Can you all agree that this is a rebound relationship?? Anyway needless to say, the first month of the break up was extremely hard on me knowing what I knew. I did everything that is wrong....I emailed her letters, talk to her sister on 2 occasions about ex and me (only about us, not what happened 3 days after). Told my ex a bunch of things that did not need to be said. Finally, she went on the NC (deleting me off her blackberry, Facebook etc) however accusing me of untrue things I was going to do to this guy, saying that I was stalking her etc...This was at the end of May. So we had no contact for 4 weeks other than come and get your mail but would always disagree on time and where blah blah blah. So 6 weeks after she deleted me for "her life" we were texting about the mail, what I have of hers and what she has of mine. She wanted to have someone else pick her up and she would have them also drop mine off. I didnt agree to that, we agreed to meet at a park and exchange. The meeting was very ackward and did not go well. I ended up getting in my car and driving away on her. (She had her car there too). After that, we had absolutly NC for 6 weeks. Actually about week 4 she texted me asking to get the mail that arrived recently, I just replied to her "yup" and left it at that. So here we are....into about week 7. Mail arrived from Student Loans, in RED WRITING staying "important". I texted her that important mail arrived. She quicky responed and asked who it was from. I did not tell her, I just said that it was "important" and did not look to see who it was from. In additon to this mail, she had a number of other mailings. So anyway, we couldnt agree on a time that worked for both of us. The next day she was leaving town for a vacation with her sister (I know BC I was supposed to be there) and I asked her to meet me at the coffee shop on her way out in the morning before I go to work. She agreed with no resistance. I was in total shock that she gave in so easy to a quick catch-up coffee. So there we are at coffee. We had a good conversation talked about the usual, work, play, family etc. I did not bring BOZO/DOINK (or what ever he is) up in the converstation. I told her what I have been doing but very vague in nature. I told her after we split that I was going to do all the things that she wanted of me like quit smoking, which I have. Also do things for myself which I also have been doing. She did ask why I wanted to meet at the coffee shop instead of my house... She asked if there was someone there or if I had a "room mate". I told her that I am not dating anyone, not seeing anyone just doing my own thing. Anyway, we left the conversation on a good note. I have gone NC again and will continue. I think I planted the couriousity pill and once she returns she will be making the 1st contact. Does anyone have experience on something like this or any insight as to what is going through her head? Since I define this guy as a rebound, she will be back on my door step in the future. What do you think? Is it a Rebound and from what I told you, can you see her on my door step in the future?
  7. I have read many many pages of this thread and it is all very good. Thank you all. I would like to share my story and see what the board thinks.
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