I have read many many pages of this thread and it is all very good. Thank you all.
I would like to share my story and see what the board thinks.
I have recently split with my, well, ex GF in May. We where together for almost 5 years. Anyway, just to give a little back round. Currently I am 30 and she is 27. Prior to our relationship, she has never been in another relationship longer than 2 or 3 months. I have been in and out of a couple relationships but nothing serious not as long as this most current one. Her and I basically lived together for the whole 5 years.
Anyway, we had a typical relationship. We got along fine, had good times and had the fight and/or argument every couple has. April of year she completed her degree and planned a 2 month trip to Australia with her friend in October. Everything was fine up until she emails me 5 days prior to her coming home saying that "we need to talk". When you read that, it usually means someting not good....well it wasn't. She wanted to "do her own thing". I talked her into staying together and contuning our relationship.
Fast forward...April of this year, we didnt get along as we did in the past, she was going out more and more with her friends. I didnt mind, I am not the controlling person and I trusted her. I did not have a problem what so ever. Anyway, at the end of April, she wants to break it off. I can't do nothing about it, I let her go. She says that she "needs to do her own thing and wants space" and "doesnt want to get trapped in a relationship that she is unsure about" and "we are not the same type of people". She moved out in a day and went about her business.
Of course I was devistated and didnt know what to do. I let her be, LC for the first couple days...UNTIL this. She told me her password to her email etc a while back. I had to have a peak at her email. I found out that she slept with some guy 3 days after we split. That made me so upset and angry I told interigated her about it in the next couple of meetings which we had. This guy was her friends brother as well.(I know it is immature to look at someones email but I was courious to know what she was up to on the weekend). I know that she was not with this guy anytime while we were together bc it would have been in a email somewhere....I have reason believe that they are now dating or what ever you want to call it. Recently, she took him to meet her parents and friends in her home town. It does hurt but I know that 5 years is a long time to forget and move on in 3 days or whatever. Can you all agree that this is a rebound relationship??
Anyway needless to say, the first month of the break up was extremely hard on me knowing what I knew. I did everything that is wrong....I emailed her letters, talk to her sister on 2 occasions about ex and me (only about us, not what happened 3 days after). Told my ex a bunch of things that did not need to be said. Finally, she went on the NC (deleting me off her blackberry, Facebook etc) however accusing me of untrue things I was going to do to this guy, saying that I was stalking her etc...This was at the end of May. So we had no contact for 4 weeks other than come and get your mail but would always disagree on time and where blah blah blah. So 6 weeks after she deleted me for "her life" we were texting about the mail, what I have of hers and what she has of mine. She wanted to have someone else pick her up and she would have them also drop mine off. I didnt agree to that, we agreed to meet at a park and exchange. The meeting was very ackward and did not go well. I ended up getting in my car and driving away on her. (She had her car there too). After that, we had absolutly NC for 6 weeks. Actually about week 4 she texted me asking to get the mail that arrived recently, I just replied to her "yup" and left it at that.
So here we are....into about week 7. Mail arrived from Student Loans, in RED WRITING staying "important". I texted her that important mail arrived. She quicky responed and asked who it was from. I did not tell her, I just said that it was "important" and did not look to see who it was from. In additon to this mail, she had a number of other mailings. So anyway, we couldnt agree on a time that worked for both of us. The next day she was leaving town for a vacation with her sister (I know BC I was supposed to be there) and I asked her to meet me at the coffee shop on her way out in the morning before I go to work. She agreed with no resistance. I was in total shock that she gave in so easy to a quick catch-up coffee.
So there we are at coffee. We had a good conversation talked about the usual, work, play, family etc. I did not bring BOZO/DOINK (or what ever he is) up in the converstation. I told her what I have been doing but very vague in nature. I told her after we split that I was going to do all the things that she wanted of me like quit smoking, which I have. Also do things for myself which I also have been doing. She did ask why I wanted to meet at the coffee shop instead of my house... She asked if there was someone there or if I had a "room mate". I told her that I am not dating anyone, not seeing anyone just doing my own thing.
Anyway, we left the conversation on a good note. I have gone NC again and will continue. I think I planted the couriousity pill and once she returns she will be making the 1st contact. Does anyone have experience on something like this or any insight as to what is going through her head? Since I define this guy as a rebound, she will be back on my door step in the future. What do you think? Is it a Rebound and from what I told you, can you see her on my door step in the future?