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Day 10 of NC - still think about him all of the time


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I broke up with my ex a couple of times, he was just not able to commit. The ironic thing is that he did commit in the first month or so, he asked me out, we were girlfriend and boyfriend very early on, but then he seemed to have issues in following through on things. When we were together at first he was talking very seriously about the future, I know objectively this might seem way too soon, and maybe in hindsight it was, but we both got on so well, we made each other laugh, we talked so much and shared a lot of views and attitudes and values, we were getting to know each other and really liked everything about each other. The problem is not that he said he didn't know how he felt anymore, he maintained that he loved me and was in love with me right till when I finished it. I know that it can't have been right, surely if it was we would be together. But it hurts, I can't stop thinking about him, what we had, which was real. I think his issue was that he just couldn't commit which would mean that he would let me down a lot and not see me as much as before. He was in a 9 year relationship before me, she cheated on him for the last five. I know I have to move on, but there was a lot of love and respect between us, he broke that by being unreliable. Any help out there on how to move on without hoping for something to happen further down the line?

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We were together since March, 8 months. I just hope that in the next couple of weeks I feel stronger, problem is I don't want to get over him! but I know there's probably no other way, and I can't carry on waiting for him to call.


We were together for 8 months too. I feel the exact same way as you do.

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Because he was such a lovely guy, and I believe still that he is a good guy, and he was so sweet, had a good family, was sensitive and so interested in me, was funny, adorable, very modest, hard-working, in fact, a perfect guy you would hope to meet - but then after a month or so started recoiling and trying to be distant, I find it so hard to write him off. We were so in love, we really respected each other but he hurt me so badly by being distant and then messing me around. How do I forget about the nice and lovely guy he was to me? I so want to move on but can never forget how lovely and amazing he was - and I believe he is that guy now, but there is a side of him that has treated me badly cause he obviously didn't want to be with me in the same way he did. I am so hurt by the way he treated me but I can't hate him or forget how incredible he was in the beginning. I just can't get that image of him out of my mind. It hurts so much.

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What happened? are you managing to move on?


Well it was different for me because he treated me very poorly and betrayed my trust more than once. Unfortunately, I cannot honestly say that he was a good person, was so lovely, etc. I guess the only way I am managing to move on is because of all that. How was he unreliable to you? Just that he couldn't commit?

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Yes just that - when we were together, he was lovely, he was supportive and kind and funny, and when we spoke and texted, always sweet. The first month or so I saw him every other day, he said he had decided to spend every weekend with me, then he went on holiday suddenly and things fell apart. then we split up (at my instigation) and then got back together, but I never saw him. He either always had something else, like mother's day, dad's birthday, work, footie, and when he arranged something he would invariably cancel. then he would say he would make it up to me, but then didn't. I would say he has shown a nastier side as I reached out to him a couple of weeks ago as there was a very threatening situation that I found myself in where I had to call the police, he texted me back to say he couldn't help, and he wouldn't take my calls. I told him that I was disappointed that he said what he did - that was almost two weeks ago, haven't heard from him since and I haven't tried to contact him. So, yes unreliable, uncontactable, and quite mean.

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I know how you feel :


On day X I told my boyfriend that I would always have a souvenir of him (a scar I got when we were at an attraction park), he took both my hands in his and replied that I would never need a souvenir of him, as he would always be next to me.

He told me he loved me at least once every hour, wrote 'I love you' on every piece of paper he could get his hands on, he was planning our first holidays together etc.


On day X+3 he broke up with me, saying it 'did not feel as before', his feelings had changed, he did not see us working on long-term.

He still loved me, he said, but not enough to be with me.


As you can imagine, I had no clue, it came completely out of the blue for me...


My ex also has some commitment problems, I think : he is still in college for at least 1,5 years, while I am already working a 9 to 5 job, all his friends are single and some 4 years younger than us, going out, we are both still living with our parents, ...

He also got dumped by his previous (first love) girlfriend : after 4 years she left him for someone else, he admitted to be that he only very recently got over it.


I am wondering the same as you, basically, whether it would be possible in a couple of weeks, months, whether they would come back or not.

It is hard to accept for me going from all to nothing in only 2 days...

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Hey I think I tried to reply here last night but it didn't go through. I was with my ex for 10 months (before me he dated ex fiancee of 8 yrs and she cheated on him) throughout our relationship he had an emotionall wall up. One day after an argument, he dumped me over text message. I went NC immediately but then ran into him on Day 9 which was Halloween. We had a great time catching up and then 2 days receive a letter in the mail with a gift on how sorry he was (this thread is in the 'getting back together' forum). The letter basically showed how sorry he was and it seemed like he wanted to get back together. We hung out, but that's not what he wanted (now hurt and confused).


In any case, these guys who had pasts gf's that long are confused and messed up. They don't admit this but they KNOW this. Mine took 10 months to admit he had a wall up. My ex too was lovely, supportive, gentleman, awesome guy! He didn't have a nasty side to him, he just couldn't give me what I want.


It's best to leave these guys alone until they realize what they lost and messed up. They may NOT come back, at this point I don't think mine is even though my heart is still open to him.


Sometimes it does help to meet somebody else (the thought of him meeting someone truly destroys me, which means im not anywhere over him) I'm definitely not ready, but im ready to move on. Everytime I get a phone call/text/email, I think it's him and it's not.


You can be strong girl! We've been broken up over 2 weeks now and the more time that passes, the more I realize it's over.

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