AnnaN Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 So, it's been one week since my boyfriend broke up with me after a 4-year relationship. The reason seems to be G.I.G.S. He said he loves me etc etc but there are many things and problems in his life to solved. There was NC the whole week although he said that he cares about me and wants to have some contact. I am planning to call him in a few hours, just to see his reaction and how he is doing. I´ll go to back to NC after that for good. I am not planning to ask him out or anything like that, just have a short conversation. What should I talk about? I know it's a bad idea to talk about the break up or that I miss him. Please, give me your advise! Link to comment
marshallmog Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 hi annaN... I would advice you not to make this call as you are not really making it to see how he is doing so much as to see if you can gauge anything from "HIS" conversation that may give you hopes of a reconcilliation.. and if you do make this call and dont get any sign of that from your conversation if will only upset you more.. At this point in time you are in the background of his life... and its obvious he wants to keep you there 'on the back burner' so as to speak.. bacause he said he wanted some contact.. But if you make this call you would be keeping yourself there longer as "IF" he should miss you.. you are not giving him the chance too... Stick to NC its the only way forward for you to heal and move on and for him to take stock of his life without you in it... If your always going to be there for him by calling or texting asking how he is (emotional support).. he has nothing to miss does he.. hope this helps.. x Link to comment
AnnaN Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I don't plan to be always there for him. It will be the final contact before the NC. I believe it will help to understand things and move on, otherwise I'll keep thinking of it. It is the first since our break up one week ago and the last one, too. I've made my desicion, bad or good. So, how should I handle it? What can I say? I don't want to blame him for anything or talk about how I miss him etc, just a casual conversation. Any tips? Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 i agree with marshall, don't call him, give him a chance to miss you and yourself a chance to heal, if you do call him, and i know you will because this is not what you want to hear, i guarantee you you will feel even worse.......i know it sucks when you love someone so much and it is hard, but calling will not help either of you.....stick with the NC and let him come to you if he wants to stay in contact, he broke up with you, so respect his decission and let him see if he misses you and regrets it, but calling him or texting him or whatever form of contact will only hurt you more Link to comment
marshallmog Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 ok.. i do understand where your coming from.. been there done it etc... I still dont think you should call him but I know you are going to but first you have to realise that a 'casual conversation' could imply to him that your not that bothered about your relationship ending.. ie: hey hows you.. and him replying "yeah im good ta how about you.. then you go "yeah fine tks"... But your not fine are you.. its not going to be an easy conversation to handle for you.. you can then go on to say other things about what you have been doing etc.. but at then end of this conversation where will it get you... As i said before i feel your hoping to gain some insight into how he is feeling about the break up with you.. but what if he doesnt mention it.. or worse still what if he does and says hes happy on his own now and doesnt want to get back with you... If you are intent on calling him though then the best thing you can say is.. Hi how are you doing.. let the conversation flow from there.. go by what his answer is.. cause you nor i know what he will say its the chance you risk taking by calling him.. If at the end of your conversation you get the impression that he doesnt want to get back with you but still is saying he wants some contact.. just say to him.. that you think it best to have NC from now on as you need to move on with your life .. wish him the best in his then start the NC.. Good luck i really hope you hear what you want to hear.. Im not here to hurt your feelings hun or make you feel there is no hope.. Im trying to advice you the best way to deal with this from personal experience and from reading through all the forums on here.. x Link to comment
AnnaN Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Thank you for your post. I know that he may say that he's better now without me or at least make it somehow clear, maybe it is what I need to move on. Link to comment
AnnaN Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 However, the more I read in hear, the more confused I am... The chances that he comes back, begs me etc are zero, so the NC is to help me realize it. But I feel that if I don't contact at least once after the break up, I won't be able to realize it is over. So, I'll call him in a while, I hope he answers. What can I say so if there is a very little chance to have regret it, not to ruin it? Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 So, I'll call him in a while, I hope he answers. What can I say so if there is a very little chance to have regret it, not to ruin it? If you really care about any possible chance, then you need to remain in NC. Calling him is the worst thing you could do. If you think you have no chance, then I don't see why you need to call him to affirm what you already know? Link to comment
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