Its starting to get to me now.

[shortest_straw90]

Im on day 3 NC, when Ive gotten through this day it will have been the longest we havent talked to each other.

Im in pieces at the moment. Ive just woken up after having a dream of getting back together with her and everything being ok.

I still love her guys and Ii really dont want to anymore, I thought I was doing well but I cant stop crying or thinking about how much I miss her and love her.

Oh god I love her with all my heart, how could she do this to me, what did I ever do to anybody?

It used to be the nights that were hard but now Im waking up every morning with her on my mind because she's all I ever dream about.

I know theirs nothing you can do about it but it just seems the less I think of her during the day, the more I think of her at night.

I just really miss her, alot more than ever before, Im feeling very weak and Id hate to break NC because of this.

If she was to initiate contact today I dont know if I would be strong enough to deal with it how I know I should.

Really need some support guys.

[Airbag]

I'm experiencing exactly the same after 2 months of NC. I miss her so much and I really want her to get in touch with me soon.

[LoveHurts89]

It definitely does get easier. That's all I can say. I was with my ex for 2.5 years, and hung on to hope for five months after the split. I thought the sun shone out of his backside.

 

We split in February. I've now been in a new relationship since mid September and am shockingly happy. Happier than I ever was with him. Everything happens for a reason. You'll learn something from this break up about yourself that'll improve future relationships. I'm happier with my present partner than I ever was with my ex. I don't like to compare, but it's impossible not to.

 

Things will get better.

[shortest_straw90]

It definitely does get easier. That's all I can say. I was with my ex for 2.5 years, and hung on to hope for five months after the split. I thought the sun shone out of his backside.

 

We split in February. I've now been in a new relationship since mid September and am shockingly happy. Happier than I ever was with him. Everything happens for a reason. You'll learn something from this break up about yourself that'll improve future relationships. I'm happier with my present partner than I ever was with my ex. I don't like to compare, but it's impossible not to.

 

Things will get better.

 

I want to get over her so bad, it just gets me confused when I dream about her. I hate her during the day because of what she has put me through, but when I fall asleep my unconscious mind is obviously still so in love with her. The dream was so real as well, it was one of those ones that you wake up from really confused. In my dream everything was happy then when I woke up everything just suddenly broke apart again and it just caught me by surprise. I just want to be able to live my life without her consuming my mind. I dont even want to hate her during the day time, I just want her to get out of my head completely, I dont want to think about her, I want to forget she ever existed but that cant happen when Im reminded of her whenever my eyes shut to go to sleep.

[deadroo]

mate im with you... know that others are feeling exactly the same as you... i went to see my ex today to try and talk to her she was closed off and didnt even let me in... i left and cried for about an hour solid... no one can say anything... no one can do anything.. . we have all the answers inside us....

 

HURTING i feel your hurt. so sad today for us all. but it will get better. trust

[shortest_straw90]

Im staying strong, I refuse to break NC over this. I WILL get through this without her, no matter what!

Nothing will make me give up, she might have made me happy once but she's certainly doing a much better job of making sure Im unhappy. I wont let her have that.

Ive been reading through a couple of posts this morning and came accross a few people mentioning about co dependency issues, well I know that I for a fact have this problem does anybody out there have any advice on how to deal with it?

If I were to get into another relationship I definitely wouldnt want to be completely dependent on that person but Im very scared that it will probably happen again.

[AngelAmber]

guys it will be ok i promise it will! just try ur best to be strong, thats all u can ask of yourselves! and thats good enough i know how much it hurts and how much worse it is when they dont respond to u, but if theres one thing iv learnt, the only way to have a chance at either getting over the pain and moving on or possibly getting a chance at reconciliation with ur ex is to go hardcore NC - u have to go NC guys, its the only way. im on week 2 on NC with my current break up, my previous breakup was the worst ever& i only got over that by NC. i was with him 4 years and he left me and got some random girl pregnant.then married her a year later. but i still had to live with him for 6 months when he got her preg. so iv been through that hell. but i got through it. and i even loved again, although i know u feel like u never ever will. but u will. ul see. and then ul think back to my word and be like ohhh right that amber girl said i would

 

stay strong guys! u CAN do it

[northpickle]

Hey Phil

 

The dreams suck, don't they? I'm a very active dreamer at the best of times and since the BU the dreams of him haven't stopped, as well as the broken sleep (I seem to fall asleep OK around 11/12 then wake up again around 3.30am and fall asleep again about 5.30am, and I have to be up and about at 7.30am). It's awful and I sympathise with you so much. A new day starts and you have to go through it all over again.

 

It's easy to fall into a co-dependency situation, seeing him was by far the highlight of my life, despite what else I had going on, and I still miss him so much. But you will get there. You're right, she isn't treating you well at the moment so stick by that. The good times will come flooding back all the time but just ride it out. And keep posting here!

 

Hugs x

[shortest_straw90]

i know how much it hurts and how much worse it is when they dont respond to u, but if theres one thing iv learnt, the only way to have a chance at either getting over the pain and moving on or possibly getting a chance at reconciliation with ur ex is to go hardcore NC

 

I havent gotten in touch with my ex nor do I plan to either so you dont have to worry about that. I dont bloody want her back either after all she's done to me.

 

Hey Phil

 

The dreams suck, don't they? I'm a very active dreamer at the best of times and since the BU the dreams of him haven't stopped, as well as the broken sleep (I seem to fall asleep OK around 11/12 then wake up again around 3.30am and fall asleep again about 5.30am, and I have to be up and about at 7.30am). It's awful and I sympathise with you so much. A new day starts and you have to go through it all over again.

 

It's easy to fall into a co-dependency situation, seeing him was by far the highlight of my life, despite what else I had going on, and I still miss him so much. But you will get there. You're right, she isn't treating you well at the moment so stick by that. The good times will come flooding back all the time but just ride it out. And keep posting here!

 

Hugs x

 

Hey Pickle this morning was difficult, mainly because it was one of those dreams where you think its really happening and it just confused me when I woke up.

I dream about her every night but they dont usually seem so real. You think your sleeping is messed up? When we first broke up I was going to bed at midnight and waking up at 3am every night. Not to mention the only energy I was taking in throughout the day was energy drinks and I wasnt napping through the day. Im so shocked that it has hit me so hard to be honest. Im sleeping properly now though and my eating is how it should be so I guess thats progress in itself.

 

The co dependency issue is still something I fear will come up in the future but Ill just have to deal with that when I need to I suppose. It just feels nice to have someone who is constantly there and to be constantly there for someone. Ive always stuck by a lyric from a song by a band called queens of the stone age it goes like this, "I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live," in my opinion that just somes up exactly what I want from life, not just something good to die for but more like someone good to die for. You see I realised this today but what I love about being in a relationship is having someone to care about, it makes me feel so alive when I have someone to care for.

Anyway Im rambling now although I was kind of enjoying being slightly philosophical for a change haha. Thanks for the reply by the way Pickle for some reason you more than anyone on here always seem to cheer me up. I dont want to seem creepy or anything but whenever I get a new relationship on the go I hope they care like you do about things.

 

Thankyou to everybody who's replied as well, I appreciate it all so much.

[northpickle]

Awww, bless your heart Phil

 

For me, there are some things about co-dependency that aren't negative. If you love someone then to care for them is only natural. I suppose it is all about trying to find the balance that both people are comfortable with.

 

I've been reading a lot of stuff on Al Turtle's website (not sure whether you've seen it?) and that has helped me understand that different people have different boundaries. There's also a good section on "love units" which made me think too. I need a lot of "love units" to make me feel fulfilled and I was trying to get too many of them from him instead of looking elsewhere. Not another lover, if you understand! But from friends, family, hobbies, social life, that type of thing. He wasn't giving out enough and the more you rely on them for your happiness, the less they give etc etc.

 

I hope that makes sense, I don't usually read self-help stuff but this BU has opened my eyes in some ways about understanding myself and my interactions with other people.

 

How are you doing today, anyway? My plans have been scuppered, I was going to go out with a mate and go for a long walk with her dogs along the river but the terrible weather has put a stop to that! I'm going to have a lazy day and pamper myself

[shortest_straw90]

Morning Pickle Im not too bad today, had another dream about her but it was a bit different this time.

In the dream I was dropping her off at her house and giving her a hug and a kiss goodbye, the weird thing is is it looked like her but but it wasnt her if you know what I mean?

Its strange I know but its like I was dreaming of being with someone else but because she's still in my heart it she was still there slightly.

I think Im looking into this a bit too much haha, I dont care it was quite a good dream anyway because she wasnt the main subject in it.

 

I've been reading a lot of stuff on Al Turtle's website (not sure whether you've seen it?) and that has helped me understand that different people have different boundaries. There's also a good section on "love units" which made me think too. I need a lot of "love units" to make me feel fulfilled and I was trying to get too many of them from him instead of looking elsewhere. Not another lover, if you understand! But from friends, family, hobbies, social life, that type of thing. He wasn't giving out enough and the more you rely on them for your happiness, the less they give etc etc.

 

That really does help actually, I guess I wasnt doing everything wrong, Ive just got to find the right balance between being too dependent on one another and still being in a close relationship like I was in. Finding a girl at a similar age to me with the same sort of boundaries and issues is pretty unlikely but Ill find her eventually. I think Ill just have a bit of fun for now though, I need a bit of experience in the field I think. I dont want to be a player, I respect women too much for that (Im such a strange 20 year old) but I think for the sake of any future relationships it would kind of help with a few issues I have and it would also get my confidence up as well.

 

Oh I know it's irrelevant but my snake decided to run off as well now, I dunno why I want to mention that lol.

[northpickle]

Hey Phil

 

This is the "love units" thing I was on about, it's definitely worth a read, it was like a light switched on in my head when I read it! link removed

 

And this is the "boundaries" one which I still need to read through some more times as I found it a bit more difficult to get a grasp with, although I do get the general idea (my concentration hasn't been too good since the BU!) link removed

 

I hope they might help you.

 

I've always been one not for going out and "having fun" too, I either like to be single or in a committed relationship, I've never played the field or whatever you want to call it. But that's just me, a lot of people would recommend doing that, especially in your 20s but if you're not going to get satisfaction from that then I personally can't see the point. I suppose if both people know what their expectations are and they match, well that's great!

 

When I was 20 I started a relationship with a guy I already lived with (we were housemates), that lasted about 18 months and that was also the last time I got my heart broken. We were best mates as well as housemates, he was asking me for ages to commit to him, I didn't want to spoil our friendship. I gave in, I ended up falling deeply in love with him and then he broke my heart! I was quite literally in bits, he moved back to his parents house and ended up moving abroad, travelled and now lives in Central Europe. We keep in touch a little bit, the odd FB message every 6 months or so. I understand now he didn't want to be tied down at 21 but ouch! That was a painful time.

 

Sorry I'm rambling about my stuff on your thread, I should be doing it on mine! I guess what I'm saying is that everyone is different and at 20 you have everything to look forward to, if not getting tied down makes you happy, then don't do it. But if a committed relationship does make you happy, then don't settle for anything less

 

I will end my reminiscing now! I suppose thinking back to that I DID get over it eventually, and I will get over this recent ex too. I'm definitely on the way. I just wish he didn't have such a popular make of car, I see at least 3 cars a day that look like his and I get a stab through the heart because I think it might be him!

 

I hope you find your snake!

[shortest_straw90]

No its absolutely fine, I like hearing about your experiences and if it helps you then Im happy with that.

Thanks for the links Ill certainly give them a read.

I think me and you kind of have the same outlook when it comes to relationships. Ive never wanted to go and play the field, all Ive ever wanted is to have some lovely girl care for me as much as I care about her. I still want that, but I think going out and having fun every weekend (not necessarily going out to pull), I just want to enjoy my life and not sit around my bedroom every day. I havent been sitting in my bedroom but if I had a few more friends Id go out and do things a lot more than I already do. I really want to be committed to someone but Im going to have to have a good look around for the right person I think.

[northpickle]

No problems, hope the links help in some way.

 

I'm normally a very social person, and although the town I live in is quite large, the type of places I go to socialise everybody knows everybody mostly. I have a huge amount of "acquaintances" but not really many friends, if you see what I mean. I should in time try and build up some stronger friendships from all the people I do know, but not sure how to do that without looking a bit weird!

 

The group of friends I hung around with before and during the relationship include the ex. That's how I met him, so it's hard going out now in case I bump into him! I might *might* go out tonight, I'll see how I feel.

 

I have tried going to different places but it's not the same, it's not "me". I want to be me again

 

You and me both will find a fulfilling relationship one day, I was nearly there with the last one, dammit! But HE chose to run away, I would have stayed and worked on things, so I am the strong one. I'm looking at it like that now.

 

Do you have any plans for the weekend?

[shortest_straw90]

Im the same Ive always had one or two close friends and the rest acquaintances, it was only when I was in college that I had loads of mates really, but I quit college because I just wanted to see her all the time, stupid I know but I fell for her so hard. Ive been making a few new friends and getting in contact with some old ones as well.

Ill be seeing one of my old school friends who I havent seen for a long time this weekend, me, him, a mate from work and my best friend are going out to our usual spot. Going to get good and drunk and have a dance. Well I call it dancing but its far from it really haha. Hopefully she wont be there again like she was on Halloween but even if she is I wont even give her the satisfaction of me acknowledging her.

[northpickle]

It definitely sounds like you're on the right track and I hope you have a good night out! If I do bump into him it's going to be super-weird, after he just ran out on me with tears in his eyes last week. But I can't let the "what-ifs" stop me any more, it's 2 months down the road now.

 

I used to LOVE dancing, I'm not too bad at it actually But I haven't had a good dance since the BU. Maybe I should soon.

 

It is awful after a BU, the places you fondly shared and liked to go become weird and dens of uncertainty, "will they be there?". That type of thing. I've found that one of the hardest things personally. Being a bit nervous that you might see them, how it's all going to pan out if you do, and the associated memories of the times you spent there with the ex...we need to start make new memories I guess

[shortest_straw90]

Yeah you should go out and have a good dance, it always makes me feel better. The dancing I do is more along the lines of just throwing yourself about the dancefloor like an idiot.

Its always fun though, on halloween I attempted to do the shuffling dance, you know that lmfao song? Lets just say I turned a few heads haha.

Im not going to stop going to the places that I like to go because of her, thats probably what she wants, even if it is weird its best not to show it and just carry on having a good time. Thats what I did on Halloween, she almost managed to ruin my night but in the end I ended up having loads of fun in my banana costume.

[northpickle]

Banana costume? Hahah! Excellent!

[Thorshammer]

It happens, one girl breaking up with me drove me over the edge that I ended up signing up for the Army to go to special forces. During basic I was injured (actually, pre-injured, I kept it secret because I wanted in), I overheard we were going to Iraq, and THAT (didnt see what that had to do with 911), plus REALITY when things were bigger than the ex (its all a state of mind), i got out of the army by working the system, and i never thought about the ex.

 

I went that far... I took it that far. If I were to be with any of those ex's now I wouldnt care, thats a distant memory and I laugh it off. The girl who i actually loved and was with the longest, who i planned to spend my life with broke up with me. It hit me hard, but now its whatever. Its a learning experience, think of it like hardening you skin for the future. We all grow through it, i can bet most of the "strong" guys got that way through bs like this. Keep this link so years down the line when you become the man you are meant to be, you can look back in the past.

 

Scary thing was... most of the people in my barracks were running from break ups too...

[shortest_straw90]

Day 5 NC, this is the longest period of time we havent spoken to each other in over 3.5 years. I miss her, I keep thinking about all the things we used to do and how she'll be doing them with her new guy. Dreamt of being back together again last night, why does something in the back of your mind want to keep holding you back at the most vulnerable time when you cant control what you think about?

I dont want to be back with her right now but when Im asleep all I do is crave for her love. I could never get back with her now as she has changed too much, shes no longer the girl I fell in love with. Id even go as far to say she's a bit * * * * ty now and just 6 months ago she was the opposite. How could someone change so much in such little time, what could cause such a massive change in personality?

[shortest_straw90]

the censored word means she's a bit of a prostitute

[Airbag]

Hey Phil, very sorry about the situation you're going through. Have you read the G.I.G.S. thread? Could give you some insight why she's acting like this. This is the link:

 

Stay strong and try to remain positive!

[shortest_straw90]

Hey Phil, very sorry about the situation you're going through. Have you read the G.I.G.S. thread? Could give you some insight why she's acting like this. This is the link:

 

Stay strong and try to remain positive!

 

That post was more or less exactly what has happened, I just dont get why they do it though.

Oh well its her loss.