I love him...he loves me...so why am I so afraid to lose him

[JynX]

Hey

 

I'm new here and still trying to figure out how to use this...but while I'm here I thought I'd bring up a problem I've been noticing. My boyfriend and I have known each other since summer started. With my past history, I told myself I'd never love again, but when i met him it all changed. He's everything I could ever ask for and more. I guess you can say we've clicked. We've been dating for a few months now. I can honestly say I've fallen in love with him. I think about him constantly, when I had a bad day all it takes is to see him for me to smile again, and each time he touches me it sends a small shiver down my body. Now I've been having mixed emotions. I'm afraid something will happen and I'll lose him. Im the kind of person who doesnt like to get attatched to people because in past experiences each time I'd get close to someone and let them in, one of three things would ALWAYS happen: 1) something would happen and i'd move somewhere new and eventually lose them 2) I'd somehow mess things up or 3) they'd backstab me. So inturn I dont trust people easily. Lately I've been really scared that the same thing would happen with me and him. I just dont ever want to lose him...but I've been feeling some distance ever since school started. I dont know if its just me or him or something else. It could be thatt now that school started we get to see less of each other, but what if I'm the one who's slowly pushing away, afraid of getting hurt again and instinctively protecting myself? I know he'd never hurt me intentionally, but somethings there are circumpstances we cant control. I also dont want to seem distant to him so he may think my feelings have changed when they havent. So now I'm stuck...I dont know what to think or do. He and I have talked about this...but I need some other people's opinions.

 

Please give me your thoughts and anything that can help me get over my fears of getting hurt. I'd really appreciate any comments you may have.

 

Thanks,

 

JyNx

[AwsomeDude]

simply coz u never thought u will get such a person !

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

Ok I'll give you more than a one line off hand response.

 

If it is as great as you say, as far as I can tell, you have insecurity AND/OR trust issues to deal with. First of all physically is there anything you don't like about yourself. This can be anything from weight to breast size. Next, how are is your relationship with your parents? Are you the youngest, middle, oldest child?

 

But mostly you've already mentioned the past. Were you hartbroken because of this? Would you classify anything before your boyfriend as "psychological trauma"? How often did this occur?

[AwsomeDude]

i stick to my answer earlier

she has no problem more than she has to trust herself more

[JynX]

Hey

Physicaly I dont have any problems with my looks so that cant be it...but it very well may be trust issues...thanks for both of your replies, they've helped some.

[Mermaid]

I think she stated pretty clearly why she has trust issues...

 

Jynx, I'm in a similar situation, so I can empathize.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for several months as a couple, but for almost two years as best friends. I, too, come from an untrusting place, emotionally, and that's why it too me so long to agree to move forward with him in a romantic capacity. I was terrified of letting myself be vulnerable again.

 

He wouldn't give up, though. Over the course of our friendship, he more than proved his trustworthiness and loyalty to me; he helped me to heal in many ways and, in turn, that healing lead me right back around to him.

 

But I still have trust issues--only now, they're not directed at him. I trust him more than anything; it's happiness I'm still wary of. And I suspect that's what's happening for you.

 

You haven't known your guy long, and you don't have the foundation set in place yet. Trust is something that's built over time, so be patient; if this guy is deserving of your love and trust, then he will prove it over time. In the meantime, try and relax and let yourself learn to be happy with your new boyfriend.

 

 

[JynX]

thanks a lot...that was just what I needed to hear. i do trust him, i guess its just me i'm still having trouble trusting. and you are right, its happiness i'm so not used to but hopefuly in time all this will leave my head and quit bothering me!