she left me came back then left again

[cajundispatcher]

i have been with this girl for 4 years. the first three were perfect. we never argued or anything. the last year has been a little bumpy but we worked through it. i never had anyone treat me like she did. there was never an ounce of doubt that she loved me and was in love with me. well about 2 months ago i went have a few drinks with the boys and was fone for about 3 hours. i came back about five that evening and she was packing and said she was leaving and going to her sisters. well i knew she was home sick since we live several hours from our home town so i told her ok go to her sisters for a few days. well she called me the next morning from her sisters and we talked a bit. she said she was coming back later that day, but since we had been kinda argueing a while and i knew she was home sick, i told her just to go home and visit for a few days.. well while she was down there her family and friends were talking to her and kept on bring up to her about the problems we have had. we talked about a bunch of the things and started arguing and stuff over the phone. well we went a few days without talking. well a few days later she called me and we started talking again and was gonna work it out. she wanted to work everything out before she came back. she said she wanted everything out in the open. well we did that and i told her everything and she told me everything (so i thought)...were taslikng everyday and telling each other how much we miss each other and love each other and stuff like that.. there was one night i called her on the cell phone and when she answered i heard music and could tell she was going outside to talk to me.. i asked her about it and we argued and all because we had been being honest and not going out or anything. well i asked her if she has been messing with another guy and she says no. she asked me and i said no and told her she knows i been home cause she always calls me at home. i started thinking that maybe all those times she said she been at her mom's house that she really hasnt. (her mom doesnt let me call at her house)...well anyway after it has been 5 weeks since we split up, and 3 weeks since we really started working things ouit and being honest with each other.. the day has come for her to come home.. well on a monday she calls me and says she is ready to come home, but she has something to say and i can decide if i want her to come back...well she tells me that for the past 2 or 3 weeks she has been talking to this guy. Well the first thing i do is ask if she slept with him. well she says yes she did it twice. well to be honest i really didnt get mad. it hurt me, but i really didnt get angry about it. i told her we were even then (since i did it before) i told her we would just forget everything..start fresh. she would bring up my mistake and i wouldnt bring up her mistake..well friday she comes back. everything is wonderful and back to normal. about wed or thurs, we kinda argued a little but was just some leftover stuff that bothered both of us. wasnt long, just a few minutes. friday comes and we are shopping and she looks at wedding rings and wants me to get her one and we went on and on about getting married...well sunday comes and i am sitting at work. the phone rings and it is her on the other line. she tells me she is leaving!!! i try to find out whats going on and all and she comes out and tells me she has been seeing him since the week after we split up. i beg her to come talk to me and not to leave and we would work things out and all. she finally says ok after saying no 20 times then hangs up.....well she never came talk to me or anything...i tried calling but she would not answer...the next morning she calls me and we talk and all. she said she is sorry and wish she wouldnt had left. she started seeing him a week after we split... she went out with some friends that night and she caught a buzz, started thinking and then was crying so he just so happened to talk to her and comfort her and played his mouth piece or what ever else.. come to find out, she has been lieing about everything since the first week we split up. while she was telling me she loved me and all she has been seeing him. come to find out, he was practically living with her at her moms house. well i love her and want to be with her so much, i talked to her a while and she said she was sorry and she wasnt gonna see him any more and she said she promises...well this is monday and she said she was gonna come thursday when her mom was working so she didnt have to hear her mom's mouth (she is 28 by the way)...well thursday comes along and i talk to her and she is suposed to leave around 2. well she called around noon and we talked for a few minutes and then we hung up. well i thought she was sounding kinda strange so i called her right back and asked her if something was wrong or was there something she needed to say...well she says she is confused and stuff like that and she has been or should i say he has been with her the past couple nights and she cares for him and all that..well that goes on and all and she says she wants to be with him and she is happy with him. well im all upset and all and i write her an email telling her i wont talk to her no more and stuff like that... well the next morning she calls and says she is serious and she is coming that afternoon. well real late that afternoon i finally get her to answer her phone and she says she is not coming and she likes him he bends over backwards for her and is good with the kids and he does all the little things to make her happy...well i am torn plum up and cry and beg and everything else...well sayurday i see her online and she sends me am instant message saying she will be online later and talk to me and she does love me but its not the same.. well that was 6 days ago..i have tried several times to call her, i send her emails telling her how much i love her and miss her and i will change in anyway she wants...i have done everything i could do except quit this job and go home to try to get her back..i talked to a friend of ours and she says they moving in a place together next week or so..i dont know what to do, she will not answer my calls or respond to emails.. i love and miss her so much.. i feel like im going crazy..why wont she talk to me anymore..all i do is cry and cant sleep or eat or anything.. her whole family says he is so good for her. i know he said and done all the right things and made her fall for him..he knew he was up against me and played the sweet role while i had no idea i was having to fight for her over someone else.. what can i do? how can i make the pain stop? i just cant help but trying to get in touch with her.. i try not to but cant help it. im scared the longer she is with him, the more she will get to like him and the less she will love me..i love her so much i just cant get her to believe how much i love her or how serious i am about changeing.....help!!! (sorry for making it so long, i just had to get it off my chest) thanks for yall's time on this....

[AndrewOZ]

Infidelity is truly a b***h.

I was in your same situation. After 3 or 4 years of going out, I think its just natural for some of the romance to go away. Thats why, when someone new comes along and says and does all the right things to your girlfriend (the things you did when you first started seeing her!) they seem a better option than youself. But she will find out in time, that him being as nice as he is will fade.

She will realise that she was wrong to leave you, but it all depends on whether she can admit this to you, and give you another chance.

 

Dont change yourself to suit her. There is really nothing you can do.

Just show her that you are happy and going ok (but still missing her) and things might work your way.

 

4 years must mean something right?

 

cheers,

Andrew

[cajundispatcher]

well 4 years meant something to me, thats 4 sure...a few hours ago i was talking to a mutual friend of mine and my ex's online that lives in our home town. i asked her how my ex was doing and she tells me she got a message for me but dont want to relay the message cause she doesnt want to get in it. i tell her to go ahead and tell me that it couldnt make me feel any worse than i do now..well she says my ex and her mom both wants me to stop emailing, stop text messaging and stop calling. they said to stop trying all together. i dont know why she went from telling me she loved me to just flat out dont want anything to do with me..i want to believe its her mom filling her head up with stuff, but she has never been the type to let her mom tell her what to do...i just dont understand how she can do this after 4 years..i couldnt just shut her out and be with another woman right now and i dont know how she could... why does she hate me all of a sudden? could i have mad her mad at me for trying to get her back? i cant do anything at all except think of her. arrrrrrrr i am going crazy!!!!

[herewegoagain]

Cajun - I know how it is. My ex gf broke up with me after 4 1/2 years, and went straight to another guy. I still love her, too, but she does not want anything to do with me. She is happy with her new guy. Like you're feeling now, I ask myself, "How can she turn off her feelings for me after 4 1/2 years together?"

 

You already told her how you feel and how you love her, so now you need to just let her be and try to move on. I know it's hard, but you have to. She may call you after this "rebound" thing ends with the new guy, but who knows.

 

The best thing for you to do right now is to not contact her at all. I know it's hard. It's been 5 weeks since my breakup, and i still feel like talking to her everyday.

 

After I knew in my heart that I told her everything that I needed to say, I am not going to contact my ex for a long time, maybe forever.

 

So do not continue to beg her and chase her. That will only push her away further. Believe me, when my ex first walked away from me, I called and left her about 10 messages, and she didn't return my calls. So I quit all the calling, emails, because i know it will not help anyway.

 

So after about 4 weeks of no contact with her, i sent her a letter last week. I was not mean, but very honest about how I felt about the situation, etc. The only reason i sent the letter was because i wanted her to know that I still care about her and love her.

 

A lot of people here probably do not agree with sending a letter, and I suggest that you do NOT send her a letter, email or anything.

 

Just let her find out on her own what she wants. I know it's hard. I feel like contacting my ex right now - but I know it will not help the situation - it will only make it worse.

[cajundispatcher]

well i have tried everything else so i have no choice but to do NC..i know it will be hard to do, but i am gonna have to tough it out. i just can not believe she is doing this..its not like her!!! its like she isnt herself or something...

[wanderer]

i'm only 17 and my girl walked out after 6 months, but i know how you feel. it's hard to understand how she can go from saying she loves you, and having a seemingly perfect life together, to her just leaving and acting like nothing ever happened. it hurts to think that she is happy with another guy while you sit at home broken hearted, it seems like she doesn't care about your feeling at all. i'm still young so i won't say i know more than anyone here on this kind of thing, but i will say i know how you feel because i'm going through the same thing.

 

no contact is the hardest but safest way to go now. it's been two weeks ago that i got dumped, but i'm beginning to realize that this is my time to myself; i can use this time to clear my head and work on improving myself. workout, pick up a hobby, get some new clothes, pick up a new skill (i recommend art), read some shakespeare or whatever kind of literature you're into. if you improve yourself both mentally and physically, you'll build up your confidence. self-confidence will help you resist contacting your ex, and women can tell you that a man who's confident with himself is a lot more attractive than a man who is not.

[tucker2583]

After x amount of years, the romance is gone and the two in the relationship need other reasons to stay together (trust, respect, etc.) if something is missing, they search for it. Stay strong and begin building your new future. I was in your same situation... I started doing things I enjoyed doing; those things i stopped because my GF preferred me to participate in her activities and not mine. Once agner kicked in, i was set... I wish you the best of luck.

[newbie30]

This was a post from 2004! I wonder what happened...