When the Ex breaks NC:

[EgoJoe]

Try to take it in stride and get a second opinion. Also, try not to take anything that comes at you in the wee hours of the morning literally. Come here for a second opinion or take it to trusted friends who know your situation. Knowing Older Men and Women with relationship experience (outside of romantic comedys!) is a big plus!

 

For the love of God (Whatever one, ones you do or don't worship) delete them off Facebook. It's not childish and how can they ever wonder if they don't have to guess?

 

NC is for you first so it always works but it has this funny side effect to make people contact you because they realize that you are not going to contact them, they are not giving you a reason, they miss you in some way or they realize how much you value yourself now.

 

If you still desire to reconile you would do well to know that keeping a positive attitude when attempting to HEAL despite still desiring reconciliation is necessary. You must also resign yourself to the fact that it may never happen so that you are not crushed by them moving on for good.

 

I'm posting this for the glut of people whos Ex's are breaking NC and they are responding immediately or are completely confused. I had the same feeling on Friday but I've ignored this pathetic crumb. Perhaps if it was a donut crumb...maybe...but it wasn't hahahaha!

 

Alot of times your Ex may miss you but not have the excitable attraction anymore. Come here and ask so that many people can give opinions on ways (or reference material to learn) to handle yourself with dignity and help build attraction.

 

Thanks, keep your heads up everyone. No matter what; we're all going to be ok.

[LDRohnos]

Here's the thing... if an ex reaches out to you and you give them the "Too busy to bother" yet in the inside you want them back, you're just going to drive them away and wonder why they bothered in the first place.

 

Keeping NC is great and it helps you heal. But if the other person tries to reconcile and you throw a few breadcrumbs back at them, expect the same in return.

[EgoJoe]

That wasn't what I was promoting at all. Situations are so varied. I'm hoping to promote a healing first and non impulsive or compulsive reaction mindset.

 

Also: We don't respond to drunk texts, yo!

[Naomi99]

What if I threw the breadcrumbs and he responded favorably, and then I didn't respond back. Now we are back to NC. What now?

 

I keep telling myself that if he wants to, he will contact me. But seems like we are back to square one because of pride or maybe it's just too soon to reconnect.

 

I also keep telling myself time and nonchalance is my friend, so don't rush or read into anything.

[LDRohnos]

Again, if you throw breadcrumbs the only thing he/she has to fire back at you are those same breadcrumbs.

 

I'm not saying to rush into anything...but if you are still hiding behind walls and peeking around the corner to throw a few breadcrumbs you are not ready to engage in anything with that person.

[EgoJoe]

Naomi: Without any preceding information to form predictable theory based off of data. Your question is seemingly composed of outlier information.

 

A cursory question though:

 

How is what you sent him breadcrumbs?

[Hollyj]

Here's the thing... if an ex reaches out to you and you give them the "Too busy to bother" yet in the inside you want them back, you're just going to drive them away and wonder why they bothered in the first place.

 

Keeping NC is great and it helps you heal. But if the other person tries to reconcile and you throw a few breadcrumbs back at them, expect the same in return.

 

I don't agree!

 

If someone wants you back, they will make it clear. They will not drunk text you, send you miss you message, or state they want to check in. The majority of the time these people are trying to gain attention, make certain they're good people, or do not want you to move on- It delays healing and is very confusing.

 

I, advocate NC, until they are clear as to what they want!

[Hollyj]

What if I threw the breadcrumbs and he responded favorably, and then I didn't respond back. Now we are back to NC. What now?

 

I keep telling myself that if he wants to, he will contact me. But seems like we are back to square one because of pride or maybe it's just too soon to reconnect.

 

I also keep telling myself time and nonchalance is my friend, so don't rush or read into anything.

 

Didn't he leave you and move on to someone else?

[EgoJoe]

Again, if you throw breadcrumbs the only thing he/she has to fire back at you are those same breadcrumbs.

 

I'm not saying to rush into anything...but if you are still hiding behind walls and peeking around the corner to throw a few breadcrumbs you are not ready to engage in anything with that person.

 

At some point, contact just becomes contact though. Not every out of the blue email is a breadcrumb and not every text sent by dumpee or dumper is a breadcrumb either.

 

My point is not to approach it like a game but to stress that putting space between the catalyst and your response is important while you're still hurt, attached etc.

 

Also, even if your healed having another perspective about an approach can improve your game and wisdom because you're effectively thinking with the power of two brains.

 

I'm not talking about sending one word if they send three, ignoring three times then contact etc. I'm for open, honest, confrontational and congenial communication. Sometimes you have to use a little tact though.

[LDRohnos]

I don't agree!

 

If someone wants you back, they will make it clear. They will not drunk text you, send you miss you message, or state they want to check in. The majority of the time these people are trying to gain attention, make certain they're good people, or do not want you to move on- It delays healing and is very confusing.

 

I, advocate NC, until they are clear as to what they want!

 

What I'm stating is that when someone reaches out to you that clearly insinuates/states they want to reconcile and you throw them a half-answer or a "too busy" expect the same from them at that point.

 

Sometimes people hide behind NC as if it's a wall that cannot be broken and believe it or not it CAN backfire on you if you don't let it down.

 

At some point, contact just becomes contact though. Not every out of the blue email is a breadcrumb and not every text sent by dumpee or dumper is a breadcrumb either.

 

My point is not to approach it like a game but to stress that putting space between the catalyst and your response is important while you're still hurt, attached etc.

 

Also, even if your healed having another perspective about an approach can improve your game and wisdom because you're effectively thinking with the power of two brains.

 

I'm not talking about sending one word if they send three, ignoring three times then contact etc. I'm for open, honest, confrontational and congenial communication. Sometimes you have to use a little tact though.

 

Of course you use tact...but if you're going to maintain a cold and distant attitude then do not expect someone is going to keep knocking on the door. NC is not a rule to live or die for...it's just a means of helping you move on. If you honestly want someone back and you still use NC as a means to get that person back, it will not work..at some point it has to end.

 

To treat NC as a game attempting to "coax" another person to want you back is an inevitable failed prophecy. You use NC so YOU can move on, not to manipulate the other person.

[EgoJoe]

LDRohnos, thats kind of an obscure point as someone coming out and saying, "I want you back." is not a breadcrumb as is probably the "Holy Grail" of initiated contact for some Dumpees.

 

I do agree with the fact that it can backfire on you. But there is nothing wrong with taking your time to decide if you'll respond. Hardcore NC involves not even indulging contact from the other side though and is used for extremely volatile situations.

[Hollyj]

What I'm stating is that when someone reaches out to you that clearly insinuates/states they want to reconcile and you throw them a half-answer or a "too busy" expect the same from them at that point.

 

Sometimes people hide behind NC as if it's a wall that cannot be broken and believe it or not it CAN backfire on you if you don't let it down.

 

 

 

 

Of course you use tact...but if you're going to maintain a cold and distant attitude then do not expect someone that is going to keep knocking on the door. NC is not a rule to live or die for...it's just a means of helping you move on.

 

That's different. I believe the OP was referring to periodic checkins.

[Naomi99]

Didn't he leave you and move on to someone else?

 

Thank you for that reminder, but she is out of the picture now.

[lanaa]

Thank you for that reminder, but she is out of the picture now.

 

haha....well,seems like we are in same situation!

[EgoJoe]

That's different. I believe the OP was referring to periodic checkins.

 

That I was. Also, it's not a good idea to be overeager for anything.

 

Emotional distance is good for you no matter what the outcome.

[Naomi99]

Naomi: Without any preceding information to form predictable theory based off of data. Your question is seemingly composed of outlier information.

 

A cursory question though:

 

How is what you sent him breadcrumbs?

 

I guess it's how you define breadcrumbs. I txt'd him to let him kmow about the dog. I wasn't sure if his response would be favorable or not after I didn't speak to him for 3.5 months, but his txt was nice and open. Almost sad, in a way.

 

I sent the txt fully knowing that I may not get a response or an unfavorable response, but it was neither. It was okay. What now?

[Naomi99]

haha....well,seems like we are in same situation!

 

What happened? Send me the link to your story....

[LDRohnos]

I guess it's how you define breadcrumbs. I txt'd him to let him kmow about the dog. I wasn't sure if his response would be favorable or not after I didn't speak to him for 3.5 months, but his txt was nice and open. Almost sad, in a way.

 

I sent the txt fully knowing that I may not get a response or an unfavorable response, but it was neither. It was okay. What now?

 

I just don't understand why you sent him the text in the first place.. If you wanted to talk about getting back together then I would talk about that. Talking about dogs/weather/local sports teams are all throwing breadcrumbs around.

 

You cannot gauge if someone wants to get back together by finding out how the weather is in their area or the status of a dog. Point is, breaking NC for these reasons is not going to work. Either speak about the relationship or maintain NC.

[Hollyj]

I just don't understand why you sent him the text in the first place.. If you wanted to talk about getting back together then I would talk about that. Talking about dogs/weather/local sports teams are all throwing breadcrumbs around.

 

You cannot gauge if someone wants to get back together by finding out how the weather is in their area or the status of a dog. Point is, breaking NC for these reasons is not going to work. Either speak about the relationship or maintain NC.

 

Look up the history.

 

He did not treat her well. He bailed on a ten year relationship.

[Hollyj]

I guess it's how you define breadcrumbs. I txt'd him to let him kmow about the dog. I wasn't sure if his response would be favorable or not after I didn't speak to him for 3.5 months, but his txt was nice and open. Almost sad, in a way.

 

I sent the txt fully knowing that I may not get a response or an unfavorable response, but it was neither. It was okay. What now?

 

I don't understand why you sent it? He treated you like very badly!!! How do you know he is not involved?

[Naomi99]

I just don't understand why you sent him the text in the first place.. If you wanted to talk about getting back together then I would talk about that. Talking about dogs/weather/local sports teams are all throwing breadcrumbs around.

 

You cannot gauge if someone wants to get back together by finding out how the weather is in their area or the status of a dog. Point is, breaking NC for these reasons is not going to work. Either speak about the relationship or maintain NC.

 

At least he responded like within 15 seconds...seemed pretty eager to txt after hardcore NC, but I stopped responding because I was afraid of getting my hopes up too high... Pride, I know.

 

I think too soon yet to reconcile. I believe he needs to miss me a little bit more. He seemed too sad/eager in his txt. Sigh...dunno what to do.

[lanaa]

What happened? Send me the link to your story....

 

 

my ex also left and i later found out he has a new girlfriend,,,he told me its because of the distance that he broke up,but i am sure that is a lie.

 

 

i would like the definition of breadcrumbs?

[Hollyj]

At least he responded like within 15 seconds...seemed pretty eager to txt after hardcore NC, but I stopped responding because I was afraid of getting my hopes up too high... Pride, I know.

 

I think too soon yet to reconcile. I believe he needs to miss me a little bit more. He seemed too sad/eager in his txt. Sigh...dunno what to do.

 

Naomi, he was very clear he did not want to continue the relationship. This other woman had noting to do with the break up.

[LDRohnos]

At least he responded like within 15 seconds...seemed pretty eager to txt after hardcore NC, but I stopped responding because I was afraid of getting my hopes up too high... Pride, I know.

 

I think too soon yet to reconcile. I believe he needs to miss me a little bit more. He seemed too sad/eager in his txt. Sigh...dunno what to do.

 

Just go with what your gut is telling you. Honestly though throwing around breadcrumbs over time is going to wear you down and inevitably cause you more duress than help. You obviously want this man back in your life. When you're ready make it very clear that you want to work towards reconciling with him...until then I would recommend not texting or writing to him. It's just going to cause you to constantly relive the breakup.

 

My ideal is to have HIM contact me, but I also know he has a lot of pride, as do I, and we might both be sitting here, full of pride, too stubborn to contact each other.

 

I pulled that off one of your other posts. If not showing weakness and vulnerability is something that is going to keep the two of you apart then unless you can swallow your pride (and he will as well) it will not work out, even if you talk about getting back together.

 

Honestly I don't think you're ready yet if it's a case of waiting to see who the weaker one is and "caves" so you can have a relationship with each other.

[EgoJoe]

Honestly I don't think you're ready yet if it's a case of waiting to see who the weaker one is and "caves" so you can have a relationship with each other.

 

Have a situation where this is kind of going on for the other side based off of the contact I've received. It's very unhealthy and immature. I absolutely agree with this statement.