How do I get the chance from her? Help!

[frizzle]

I'm new here and in need of some good advice! I think I may have met the girl of my dreams but she doesn't want me more than a friend. I met her end of last year, online. It is long distance. If you don't believe it's possible please I am looking for helpful and constructive advice how to win her over/back! We talked and had fun together, I realised from early on there was something different about her. We just clicked in so many ways, to the point of saying and 'doing' the same things at the exact same time. I've never had that with any girl before. She had a bf originally and then after they split she went on some dates there as well, I respected that but I knew we were getting closer as well. After February we just continued to get closer she would confide in me all sorts of things and her actions showed she really cared about me and missed me. She would come home and go online right away to see me for example. We swapped a lot of kisses and snuggles, and various love songs including her favorite ones. She accepted all my compliments, poems, songs and romantic cards. She seemed to be happy. At one point she told me she was single for a while, so I finally wrote her an email letting her know my feelings for her, and it seemed to go well. This was up until early June.

 

After that it went up and down I heard from her less and she needed some time to think things through. She came back two weeks later saying she just wanted to be friends I tried to let her go "if you love someone set them free" but she came back. I let her go once before in April but she came back then too. Both times she said how stupid it was of her and she just got scared of a bunch of things. Like she was scared of feeling, scared of it being online, scared of things going wrong etc. She now says she came back because she "respected my friendship" but won't be more than that. I've learned from her now she is seeing someone else there, and supposedly she is in love with him.

 

The trouble is I know I want her, there was something developing within her I just know it but she didn't let it grow and never gave me a real chance. Now someone else has been given that chance. Normally I wouldn't look back or think about this if it was any other girl but I just can't let go of this one, I wake up in the mornings thinking of her and hurting. It has been almost a year since we first started talking and at least half that time we were getting closer and some feelings were developing. I let my feelings grow but I guess she didn't let hers develop. What should I do? I treated her like a queen, better than I think maybe most guys have and I think she knows that, but still she doesn't let me into her heart and give me the chance. I already know I will think about this girl for a very long time, deep in my heart I know she is not like any other I've met. We completed each others thoughts and said and did the same things at the same times even, a connection I've never had with anyone before. How can I win her over?? She knows I have feelings for her without a doubt now, since I told her I'm not interested in "just friends" and want that real chance with her one day. I've not spoken with her since. Am I doing the right thing? Should I be her friend some day? What should I do!

[jackflash]

Hi Frizzle,

 

You know in any relationship, and especially the strong and lasting ones, their has to be friendship as the core to anything else. ITs not good just being good lovers, or socially etc.

 

If the 2 of you connected, let her go and see if she comes back. You have to realise that to love someone completely, you have to let them grow and move on.

 

I would say, gve her the space she needs, but DONT stop beng her friend. BUT BUT BUT, dont let her use you. If she comes back crying again, lt her do so on your terms (nicely though). Next time you need to define the boundaries of this relationship. She has done so now by just being friends.

 

Trust me, by just being her friend, and supporting her, and being happy for her, she will see the real you and fall in love with you if its meant to be. In the mean time, go out with friends, date a bitand let her know you are moving on in the mean time.

 

Dont fret over her. You have your whole life and their are plenty of people who will love you as you are.

 

Good Luck.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

What are the chances of things developing beyond the net? It sounds like the whole relationship has been over the web. If that's the case you can't blame her for passing on something that is little more than fantasy. If you want to have any chance you are going to have to take this past a cyber relationship and into reality. That's the best I can tell you bro.

[frizzle]

Well we talked at times as though we'd be doing things in person too and she knows I am more than willing to meet her in person and see how it goes from there.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

It seems that you will have to try and get a reason to meet her in person, but that may cause you to look a little creepy. Don't get your hopes up right now, but try and move this relationship from the quazy fictional world of cyberspace into the real world.

[frizzle]

I'm working on that, though I think it might take some time. In the meantime I wrote her wishing her a great day because it was her first day at school. I talked with her a bit last night, nothing serious, just joking around a bit and she read the letter. She said I made her day, that she had a great day and I topped it off. That's a good thing right? Any more advice really appreciated

[frizzle]

Any more thoughts on this? I did let her go two times already and the second time I made it clear why I was doing it "If you love someone set them free, if they come back they are yours" She came back both times. Though now she's claiming she did it out of respect for the friendship. She is smart, beautiful (to me, though she thinks she is just plain), great sense of humor, we have a fair bit in common and I know there is a connection there, even quite recently too much "coincidence" between us. We've so much fun together too. I know she's missed me before and has said she doesn't want to lose me for good (as a friend I guess) but she knows without question my feelings for her. I want the chance with her at least if not now then one day. Other girls I've been out with and in relationships with it just didn't feel like this, I could move on without looking back but this one I am having trouble with she means a lot to me and is definitely special to me.