Ex making all sorts of weird little contacts...why???

[Conffuusseedd]

Quick version of my story:

 

My ex and I broke up almost two weeks ago because he "doesn't have emotions for me anymore." (we were together almost a year) I managed to take it quite well and didn't even throw a fit. He is absolutely horrible at understanding his own emotions, and we were just coming out of a summer semester at school, where we barely got to spend any time together because we were both so busy with classes and work. I think it got too difficult and he ran...he says no, but keeps saying "look how hard it was summer, imagine when we come back in the fall, it will be even harder." To that I told him I think he was tired of trying which is a dumb reason to leave someone, but that I respect his decision.

 

Now the little weird things he's doing:

 

Later on that day he came over for a minute and brought back some stuff I had in his house. We then actually talked for a few min that night, and I asked if we could just chat for a while b/c it felt like we haven't talked in forever since we were both so busy (this was on IM) He said "why dont I just come over" to which I said no. He then said to call him later, which I did. He then proceeds on tellin me that he will be over in 20min so we can talk and I said why and he said "because you wanted to talk!" and I said, well I just wanted to chat about general things and he said oh...well I guess we can do that tomorrow then. I said guess so. End of convo.

 

Fast forward a few days, to the day where I left for home for a 2 week vacation. He IM's me to tell me that he wants to come over to drop over something I had left in his house (deodorant.) I said "no its ok, its not like I don't have anymore" and he said ok. He then called a few hrs later to ask if I had left yet and when I said yes he said "you did! I was going to come over...I guess now I have to wait another day to return this to you." I said guess so...end of convo.

 

He then called me later that night to find out if I got home ok. Spoke about 10min and then hung up.

 

A few days later, I emailed him to find out if HE got home ok (he flew) and he responded. Nothing serious, but he ended the email with my petname for him.

 

So I guess the confusing things are:

1] Why would he rush over to my house if he thought I wanted to "talk" about us, since HE left ME? When I breakup with someone, I don't want to hear them trying to "fix" anything.

 

2] Why would you contact me the day I'm leaving to bring over something that I don't NEED, and then be disappointed that I left already?

 

3] And why oh why, end an email with a petname?!?

 

If you made it this far, thanks for reading and any insight to the male mind would be helpful.

[kauaiangirl83]

It sounds to me like this guy has absolutely no clue as to what he wants or how he feels. Maybe he's trying to keep you just close enough to talk to whenever he wants just in case he gets his head straight. I think that you should try the no contact thing so that you can clear your head and not be so confused. Hope this helps a little...

[michelemybell]

I agree with kauaiangirl. Your ex sounds like he's confused----in one hand, he wants his freedom to do his thing, but on the other hand he doesn't want to lose you. Unfortunately in a situation like this, if you pull too hard he'll back off. When you push, he'll come back. It's really hard to keep a happy medium unless you always keep your emotions in check. This is always a tough one. I say back off and do your own thing for awhile so you don't rely too much on this guy's whims, which may end up leaving you extremely confused.

[Francis]

This guy is still into you, even though he may not want to admit the fact to himself. If you still want to be with him because you guys are compatible, etc. then you should get to dating again (no sex). When he actually asks you to get back together, then you should ask him to have a serious talk about why all this problem took place. He may have some issues with you that you are unaware of and it be better to solve them before resuming the relationship. Once everything is on the table, then you can be together again.

[chai714]

Conffuusseedd,

The question is, what do you want to happen? You've got power right now, since he seems to be the one chasing you. I don't think this guy is confused, it seems like he wants you back but isn't outright saying it (unless you're not telling us something). Him calling you, e-mailing you, the whole pet name thing . . . . these are signs that he still wants to be a part of your life. What do you want?

[Conffuusseedd]

Well right now I DO want to be with him, but I don't want to pressure him into being with me, if he's not ready. Things were really hectic this summer, he had a lot of problems with school, mostly financially, and things started getting bad towards the middle of the semester. We were having a lot of arguments and they mostly based around the fact that we were barely spending time together. I think he got to a point where it didn't make sense in trying to see me, because it was so hard to and the times we were spending together unfortunately, weren't the greatest.

 

I'm not going to blame everything on myself, but I do know that at times I didn't help matters by complaining, he was stressed out already as is. I know most people right now would say to do the NC thing, but that takes so much time and energy (I think) and sometimes just seems like a game to me. I've actually been able to handle my emotions really well because like I told him when we broke up, I wanted to walk away ok with it...not happy about it, but accepting it and not crying or begging him to come back to me.

 

So that's it I guess...everyone says that he does want to be with me, it's just him being confused and things getting too difficult so he ran. I guess I will just try to remain friendly (but not too friendly) with him, and hopefully his head will clear up. My next question then is, how long could something like this take (assuming it'll happen at all.)

[chai714]

My next question then is, how long could something like this take (assuming it'll happen at all.)

 

Nobody can give you a definite answer on that one. There are too many variables (known and unknown) to consider. It won't happen in a week, or even a few weeks. I know you say you don't like games, but you're in the game! Your actions dictate a response from him . . .remaining friendly yet seeming independent seem to be working for you. Realize that this is a process and requires patience and will take time (probably months).

[Conffuusseedd]

If you read my original post, you'll see everything that happened between my ex and I...now, my birthday was this past saturday and he either completely forgot, or remembered and just disregarded it. I guess I would prefer the former to the latter since its SLIGHTLY less messed up but still...what's going on now?