How do I end my insecurities

[MrsE4]

My husband and I got married less than a year ago. He has always been friends with females, and I with males. But now that we're married, I don't feel as comfortable with his female friends having crushes on him. I find it disrespectful, but he thinks that I should trust him to do the right thing no matter what the girls want him to do. I see the logic behind his statement (and definitely want him to feel that way when I am hanging out with my male friends), but how do I stop the negative thinking that I go through when I know he's hanging out with his female friends?

[Dan78]

You must learn to trust him. After all, that is what marriage is all about. If I didn't know any better, I would say you got married without knowing what trust is.

 

You have to trust him. If you see things or hear things from others that he is doing with his female friends, then you should pull him over and express what you feel. Let him know how you feel and make him understand. If it continues, then I would recommend a therapist or break off the wedding.

 

Hopefully he will understand.

[RobzGr8]

Hey MrsE4,

Let me tell you... I agree with you one hundred percent!! Men and women who are married, or in a serious relationship SHOULD NOT...let me repeat that for dramatic effects...SHOULD NOT...have opposite sex friendships! Period. It is not an issue of trusting them, it is all about that fact that you CAN'T trust the OTHER person! You don't know what his "best girl who is a friend" has on her mind. She could be working on him everyday, dropping hints and flirting, or just plain out coming out and telling him what she has on her mind!! And, if he ever talks to her about YOUR problems and flaws, I guarantee she is using that to her advantage...telling him what a Bi tch you are and that she would never treat him as horribly as you do, etc etc. If she is wanting your man...she'll get him...it'll just take time...and once she does...she'll let YOU know...so that you both can dump him!! Great friend, huh?

Maybe that's a worse case scenario, but not usually...that's usually a pretty typical scenario!! Every girl I'm with, I 86 all her male friends and I stop talking to any that I have...usally that's zero to begin with, cuz the only girl I'm gonna be talking to are the ones I'm having sex with, which stops once I meet a girl I'm serious about...

If she refuses to stop talking to her guy friends, I let them have her back and I go somewhere else. I've been burned by this before. My ex FIANCE, was always talking about "Fred." He is such a nice guy, they go to lunch everyday, blah blah blah blah. They worked together, so he spent more time with her than I did. Eventually, I got so tired of hearing her talk about Fred that I told to stop hanging out with him because it makes me uncomfortable because I know what Fred is up to even if she is to blind to see it. She agrees...

So, THEN I start hearing about her new "friend" "Barbara" They are suddenly going to lunch everyday because she knows I don't like Fred. All is fine right? WRONG!!!

She dumps me a few months later...just like that...no real explaination, no remorse...just BOOM!! So, I do some detective work of my own. I call up a friend of mine who works with her that she thinks I don't talk to anymore and what do you think I discover?!?! Yup..."Barbara" is Fred...Fred is Barbara...and, according to office rumor, she dumped me for him cuz he is such a great guy and good whatever...So, she lied to me all along...told me not to worry...she loves me...I can trust her...blah blah blah.

Bottom line baby...no friends of the opposite sex. You need to tell your man that it makes you uncomfortable and that although you completely trust HIM, it's these other girls you are afraid of. If he doesn't...give him a choice....you are them. If he loves you...he'll choose you and not bat an eye. If he gives you some BS excuse why he can't...I'd hire a Private Detective and find out exactly WHERE he is when he's "at lunch with Bob."