Help me get over my coworker love

[BHeilman]

I wasn't positive where this should go, but this is close enough.

There was a girl I used to work with, let's call her Ruth, who I CANNOT stop thinking about! We worked together for about 10 months. We hit it off right away when she started there, I was there before she was. We would talk all the time. We worked in a call center, so we could sit right next to each other.

She is married, I'm going through a divorce. When I first met her is when my soon to be ex and I decided to get a divorce. Ruth has been through this and always cheered me up when I was sad. I would follow Ruth around and act like a puppy dog, ignoring all my other buddies there. We ate luches and took breaks together every day. I even told her I loved her a couple of times. She has a wonderful smile that just lights up the world! I know we were just friends, but somewhere in all those lunches and breaks I fell in love.

I would say things that a friend just would say, like that I would never get tired of her. I even met her hubby once before she left that job. I didn't have any ill will towards him at all. As my soon to be ex got further along in our divorce I would cling to Ruth more and more. When she left there it was the saddest day of my life, sadder than my divorce! I've come to believe I never had any true feelings for anyone till Ruth. I still talk to her and her hubby online, and I've visited them a couple of times. I had a fantasy not to long ago where he was dead and I swept her off her feet. I know you all think I am a terrible person for this, but it's true!

I still see her smile everytime I go to work and it's just killing me!! I want so bad to tell someone... I know her hubby has never done anything to hurt her, he and I have become friends as well. But in the back of my mind I want desparately to be where he is!

I've got a draft of an email where I tell all my feelings for her, this email will never get sent! I can't help but wonder if it's only her happiness, good maraige, and smile I want since my marriage is over. I really think it's something more, why can't I stop thinking about her? Why do I keep dreaming about her? People have told me I'm in love with Ruth. But noone has a clue how to make it stop!

I want to try and remain frineds with both of them, they are helping me with my divorce, my life, my well-being, they even helped me by a new pc which I am on now!

[aireyc]

Hey man, I would be very careful there. It seems they have a good marriage going (and from what you claim, I can see why). There really isn't anything you can do. If you want to be friends, try to keep it at that. I'd look for another girl since you are going to get nowhere with this Ruth. Besides, that's just wrong in wanting her when she's happily married. You need to respect her hubby and allow the marriage to continue peacefully. Yeah you can be friends, but I would be very careful.

 

Chris

[Trigve]

hey man, I know all about falling in love with the wrong girl, and I know all about drafts of email that will never get sent, and songs written that will be heard by everyone else but the person they were written for. and I know that you can't help how you feel even though you know to the level of complete certainty the uselessness of your feelings

 

the fact is, she is not in love with you. I'm sorry to smack you in the face with this but I think this is the exact pain that will get you over this. Drill that into your head, yes, it will be painful when it REALLY strikes you that she doesn't love you, open up and embrace that pain, if it's going to come, better to let it all come at once and get over with it.

 

there is going to be a moment when you feel like you're just about to die. Go outside. go to the park, to the lake, to the mall, any kind of public place. Then, collapse onto your knees, open your arms, and just let it out. Shout, yell out to god, curse, cry, whatever. If you can't do that because you're self-conscious about the other people around you, then you'll realize this can not possibly be as big a deal as you thought and the pain isn't as real as it felt either. Otherwise you woudln't give a fuk about some strangers staring at you

 

Regardless whether you do it around people or not, do eventually find a public place where you have the nerves to let it out. Make it as dramatic as you can, imaging you're an actor filming the most desperate scene for your character. It may feel kind of uncomfortable, but push it, I can't stress it enough, MAKE IT DRAMATIC, and try to make it eventful.

 

I don't know if I should tell you why right now, it might not work if I do, but you'll see why for yourself afterwards

 

in any case, consider yourself lucky, at least you KNOW she doesn't love you, so at least you know what direction you should be heading towards. Trust me it's much worse NOT KNOWING, I am there and if I had a choice I'd honestly rather take the negative right now

[BHeilman]

I will try this idea tomorrow in a park, thanks man!

[BHeilman]

Well, I did it! I went to a park and let it all out! I've cried sooo much and yelled sooo much for her, I just never did it in public before! For me, it was realizing how futile my feelings are... There were people there, I yelled my heart out in this little outdoors ampitheater. Nothing was going on in it, but people were enjoying the nice quiet park when I yelled out WHY GOD WHY, and I LOVE HER GOD!! I cried some, but I've cried more before.... I need to let this go and realize it was never meant to be!

[Trigve]

lol that's great, do you feel it was a bit silly now that you think about what you did? (or maybe when you think back about it in a few days). If you do, being able to associate this feeling with the matter is the first breakthrough you need to look through this, you're well on your way out

 

and if you feel stupid about doing something ridiculous like that, and that it wasn't worth it, that's even better. Then you're beginning to see she doesn't really mean that much. If you thought that was worth it then go out and do it again until you think it isn't.

 

 

lol